MY wife that i been married to for 9 yrs lost her mom last month very suddly,over night. Well she went out of state to be with her dad for a few weeks and i flew down to be with my wife and 2 kids,and father in-law. I was only there for a week and my wife,kids and I went to a few fun places while I was there with them. When we got home the next day my wife found a bank recp. that I had printed out from her account showing what was spent and how much she had in the account because her Dad gave her a 1000.00 the week her mom past and she never told me till the day before I flew down to be with her. This made me feel like she was hidding things from me thats why I pulled the account. She was really mad that I pulled the account and said I dont trust her, and went to tell me she is not happy anymore and said she loves me but not in love with me, and she feels very distant from me,and that we should take a break from each other. I have RA and I sleep a lot and cant do things I use to be able to do,so she said the sleeping part and me not being with the family is why she is not happy. I think the passing of her mom has a lot to do with it and told her she needs to talk to someone and i would make her a appt. , and she said ok. I asked her if she also wants to see a marrige cons. and she agread. She said she still loves me and want to work things out,but I have to change and help more, and be with the family more. Any opions will help I dont want to lose her or my family. We been togather for 15yrs and married for 9yrs and still love her to death,so please help. Thank
I tend to get very, very
suspicious when i hear that "I love you but am not in
love with you" line. It's usually cheater-speak. It generally means, "I'm emotionally invested in someone else."
It could be that her mother's death has forced her to see her marriage to you in a new light. But it could also be that she's overreacting to you keeping tabs on her, because she has something to hide. I'm not one to throw accusations around, but how was your relationship before your wife's mother died? What was her explanation for keeping the extra money a secret?
I don't know. I don't want to frighten you or offend you, but I'm seeing red flags in your post. She's blaming you for her emotional distress, but has she ever voiced her concerns in the past? Why is she reacting so strongly to this incident? I mean, she did
keep the money a secret. Why is she so mad that you're calling her on it?
I get the feeling that she has something to hide, and she's trying to throw you off by making you focus on yourself and your issues.
My advice - Work on yourself, try and fix the marriage, and keep two sharp eyes on her at all times. If you can, pull up some of her previous bank statements and see if she's been spending oddly.
Are you transparent? Do you have access to her e-mails, phone, Facebook, and the like? Can you check to see if she's been PMing or texting a particular person abnormally?
My cheater-senses are tingling. Sorry. I know this is probably very inappropriate given the situation with her mother, but I'm a cynical pessimist. It's just what popped into my head, reading your post.