Lies and Abandoment

emadams18 · 05-04-2009, 12:45 PM

I've been married to my husband for a year and a half and together for three. We've been separated for a little over a month. At first I thought I wanted a divorce, but after a week of separation I realized just how much I love my husband. He was no longer sure. He played this back and forth game of i love you I want to be with you to I don't love you let me go. It was hard. We started going to marriage counseling to try and help us. I figured it would help us work out our problems or it would help make the process of divorce easier. After the last session we had my husband told me he wanted to start over. He wanted us to take it back a few steps and just take it slow till he was ready and no longer scared to completely love me again. On Friday May 1st I was spending time with my husband for the evening and he sat right next to me telling me how much he loved. That everything was going to be ok. That when he was ready he would put the ring back on my finger and I would move back in with him. But more than anything he kept telling me it was all going to be ok with us. The next afternoon I get a text message saying he's leaving and he's not comming back and he'll call me when i've had some time to calm down. I was absolutely devastated. I can't understand why or how he could lie to me and tell me everything was going to be ok knowing he was going to break my heart in less than 12 hours. I have no idea where he went, and I have no way to get a hold of him. He left his cell phone at our apartment. So now I have to play the waiting game and it's driving me crazy. I don't know what to do or how to cope. I still love him so much. But could I ever possibly forgive him for decieving me in such a way even if he wanted me to? How do I get through this?

Blanca · 05-04-2009, 04:44 PM

im so sorry for you. my sister went through this with her exe husband. he did the exact same thing your H did. he told her how much he loved her and he wanted to work it out. they had just had a baby together, too. it was so tragic. then he just left. no message, no nothing. just disappeared. she found two years later that he met some other girl in rehab (he was an alcoholic).

she went through a really bad depression. overdosed on pills at one point. it was extremely difficult for her. but after awhile she picked herself up and enrolled in school and started working toward her goals. things started going better for her.

preso · 05-05-2009, 06:08 PM

It sounds to me like he may have met someone else during your time apart.
I know this is a hard time for you and you feel very overwelmed but you should not be waiting long. If he does not show you by his actions he is sincere I would start thinking about what to do next to move on with your life. The last thing you want to do is to go back with him and he is disappearing now and then.
If he does not appear soon and show you with his words and actions he wants to be married I feel it would be your best benefit to begin planning to move on.
There are plenty of fish in the sea and maybe he is not the one for you.

Sensitive · 05-06-2009, 01:17 AM

Can you contact his friends or family? It does seem pretty cruel and immature to just leave you like that. I am very sorry.

emadams18 · 05-06-2009, 02:30 PM

He's so back and forth all the time. I've told him that I think there is someone else, but he claims that that is the last thing on his mind and that if there was someone else he would tell me no matter how much it hurts me. I did get a hold of his brother to tell him that I had one of his un-employment checks and if he wanted it he would have to call me. So when he called me I asked him why he would do that to me, and he replied with I'm just too scared. We had a good long talk and agreed that we do love eachother and that we would go through with the divorce and start over from scratch and that if it worked out we could get re-married and if it didn't we could walk away no strings attached. We think it'll help us both figure out what we want. I'm just afraid for him to flip the switch on me again and repeat what he's done already.

preso · 05-07-2009, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emadams18

He's so back and forth all the time. I've told him that I think there is someone else, but he claims that that is the last thing on his mind and that if there was someone else he would tell me no matter how much it hurts me. I did get a hold of his brother to tell him that I had one of his un-employment checks and if he wanted it he would have to call me. So when he called me I asked him why he would do that to me, and he replied with I'm just too scared. We had a good long talk and agreed that we do love eachother and that we would go through with the divorce and start over from scratch and that if it worked out we could get re-married and if it didn't we could walk away no strings attached. We think it'll help us both figure out what we want. I'm just afraid for him to flip the switch on me again and repeat what he's done already.

I would end his back and forth... if he comes by unannounced do not answer the door, change the locks if you have to...
have him put in for a change of addy with the post office so his mail will not be sent to you.
If he wants to see you , he can call and make arrangements a week in advance. Whatever you do, do not have a swinging door as he could take advantage of it and you, which will only make you feel bad.

Dad of 3 · 06-07-2009, 10:38 AM

Agreed; there's another woman and he's afraid of how you'll take the news, so he's lying about it. That's exactly what I did and it's costing me my marriage and family right now.