I'm grieving like I have lost my husband - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

User Tag List

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-03-2012, 07:33 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 7
I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

My husband is an iraq war vet with severe ptsd. Our marriage hasnt been easy. Theres been times hes talked about suicide and left for a couple days after a fight but we always get back together. He usually tells me he loves me and he'd be dead without me. Most of the time our marriage is good. We have a healthy sex life as well. However things set him off... Yesterday was one of those days. This is how it went..

My husband texted me during the day talking of suicide. How hes made up his mind and wasnt gonna tell anyone but thought I should know. Usually I can lift him out of these funks and make him feel better by reminding him how much hes accomplished. We planned to talk when I got home. When I came home from work he was angry and blamed me for all his problems. Quite different from how he talked earlier. As the fight escalated he went upstairs and locked himself in our room. I ran after him and kicked down the door. He was loading the gun and putting it to his head. I tried to wrestle the gun out of his hands but hes too strong so I turned around walked away and called 911. Expecting to hear a shot. He followed me outside while i talked to 911 and ended up leaving on foot. The sheriff came and talked to me and my husband texted me saying he was at the gas station downstairs and to bring him some things and money. The sherriff offered to try and get my husband to go to the hospital and i said you can try but idk what he'll agree too. An hour later my husband called from a pay phone asking to see me, but by the time i drove downtown the cop must have picked him up and brought him to the hospital.

I woke up this am devastated. I went to work and when i left I called the hospital to speak to my husband. He sounded upset as im sure hes wound up. He ended up telling me we were done and he hated me. I got very upset and told him goodbye. Forever. He took this as i was going to hurt myself and called the police to tell them that i was a suicide risk.

why did he do that if he hates me? Does he really hate me and want a divorce or is this something hes going through? i dont know what to do. hes being transferred to the albany va tomorrow. I love my husband so much. we have our ups and downs but i took my vows serious. til death do us part and for better or worse. He ripped my heart out when he said he hated me. I just dont know what to believe from him. One hour its everything bothering him and the next im to blame for everything.

I'm a mess... :'(

brittany0691 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-03-2012, 09:13 PM
Member
 
Chris Taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,559
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

He's going through a lot, and so are you.

Threatening suicide is a call for help. People intent on killing themselves just do it.

Is he getting any help for this? Are you?
Chris Taylor is offline  
post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-04-2012, 06:53 AM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 7
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

He is they took him to the VA yesterday. No contact for 3 days my father in law tried to call and they can't confirm or deny he's there. I'm worried he's gonna get help and get out and still hate me. :-( our marriage has been hard but it's gotten better. Times like this he only remembers the bad. He said he's dead set on us not getting back together ... Just like on Monday he said he's dead set on suicide if not now then soon.

I took yesterday off from work. Talked to a couple friends and my father in law but that's it. Now it's back to work and I'm a full time student online so I have that to do as well. I'm exhausted. I woke up physically sick from all this. Lost 7lbs this week and just wanna sleep but I wake up reaching for him. Last night I dreamt of him.
Posted via Mobile Device
brittany0691 is offline  
 
post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-05-2012, 12:59 PM
Member
 
Chris Taylor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,559
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

Look... if he doesn't get help and back on track, you won't want to live this way with him.

If he does, he'll look back and thank you for sticking it out while he was down and out.

But it has to be on his shoulders now.
Chris Taylor is offline  
post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-05-2012, 07:16 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 536
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

For you life is fine. For him he is is probably withdrawing and in a different place. Not your fault though.
Good luck, i wish you both the best, thoughts are with you.

Last edited by bribrius; 10-05-2012 at 10:28 PM.
bribrius is offline  
post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-07-2012, 08:34 AM
Registered User
 
Picking up the pieces's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 22
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

Hi Brittany....

You wrote this almost a week ago and I'm just now seeing it. Not sure how you're doing, but just wanted to tell you how sorry I am about what you're going through. I have PTSD but nowhere near as bad as your husband does. I want you to know this though, once when I was in the middle of a bad episode and after having been through h*ll with my own husband, I told him I hated him. NOTHING could be further from the truth. I doubt that your husband meant what he said. He was very angry and scared when he said that, I think. I hope you'll be ok and things work out between you. Take care.
Picking up the pieces is offline  
post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-16-2012, 05:47 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 55
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

Hey Brittany,
PTSD sucks. Go to the VA and ask them if they have any groups for spouses, reading material, counseling you can take advantage of, anything.

Your husband does NOT hate you. He is probably just trying to separate from you because he does not want you to hurt.

Just so you know where I am coming from, I am a Gulf War Vet, Doc says I probably have mild PTSD, along with other issues.

Take care of yourself and let you husband know you love him. If you FIL wants to get in to see him, maybe you can go together.
MrDude is offline  
post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 10-23-2012, 10:26 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 2,890
Re: I'm grieving like I have lost my husband

You did the RIGHT thing by calling 911 to protect him from himself. You wrestling the gun, from him, could have very well killed you!

He probably HATES the world right now. Not so much you.

I understand these things both on a professional and personal level.

When my daughter attempted suicide, while in the hospital ER...she kept saying she hated me and ugly things. She was very angry (mostly at her self and life in general). The people that you are closest to often take the brunt of the anger.

Hang in there and get support for yourself. He has to do this for himself as well.
Corpuswife is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Grieving with new hopes Skuba Going Through Divorce or Separation 0 09-17-2010 08:12 PM
Grieving your FAMILY InAPickle Going Through Divorce or Separation 5 06-12-2010 05:30 PM
grieving Whitesboro Going Through Divorce or Separation 4 12-16-2008 12:26 PM
grieving Whitesboro Going Through Divorce or Separation 2 12-02-2008 10:04 PM
grieving Whitesboro Going Through Divorce or Separation 6 12-01-2008 08:37 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome