I mentioned to my soon to be ex (who's dumping me) that this was really awful.
He asked how the grief was so bad, I said because in this situation, when one spouse decides to end the relationship for no apparent reason - no one is having an affair, there is no abuse or addictions, money is tight but manageable with both people working. The only reason given is that he doesn't feel as if he can be emotionally responsible for me.
He said he will live here till some unspecified time in the future when he feels he can leave and he will let me know right before he goes, but until that time he wishes to act 'normal' in front of the kids and his friends and family.
I told him that that kind of choice hurts even more because it feels to me like he's committing suicide. If you see the relationship as it's own person or living being (apart from yourselves) then when one person decides to 'kill' it, it's like a friend telling you that that they are going to be committing suicide soon, there is nothing you can do about it, and they will let you know right before they do it.
Not only am I losing my best friend and husband, it's for a reason I can't comprehend and they tell me they are killing 'us' and there is nothing I can do about it. Add to that the weirdness of being requested to act normal and the terror of not knowing when the ax is going to fall.
Maybe an opportunity for you to meet someone who will invest in the relationship. I mean, if my wife was leaving I would be this upset but I would also realize the possibility of finding a better relationship.
How would you suggest I give him clarity? I thought I had tried several things... he's still in a fog. I'm all for clarity, but not sure how to reach him inside his 'rock'.
How would you suggest I give him clarity? I thought I had tried several things... he's still in a fog. I'm all for clarity, but not sure how to reach him inside his 'rock'.
File for divorce, kick him out of the house. That is what will give him clarity, that you will not play this limbo game.
See, whatever it is he is doing, he is making it ok in his mind to date others, do whatever he pleases financially, and get to see you suffer.
By you drawing a clear line in the sand he gets clarity for sure.
I guess it would help if I didn't still love the big dumb ox. sigh...
I really do see him as my best friend still... just one who is confused, and acting like an idiot - both to himself and to me.
You took the words right out of my mouth...everyone in your post is EXACTLY how I feel about my H. Frustrating as all hell and get this ****...he told me I'm HIS best friend?!? WTF?! and we're getting divorced and you want me to be OK w/that? Seriously WTF?!
Same here. I've been married to my husband for 24 years. You have the right analogy on not being able to do anything about it like a suicide.
However, after 8 months of waiting for him to do something....I've decided to take a tough love approach. I am in the control seat now.
I told him last month that he needed to tell the kids (with me present) that we are divorcing. I will be moving out around June with our daughter and dog. We will divide assets and custody is joint (14 year old and 20 year old) with our daughter. We'll be flexible. I got tired of waiting on his "decision" I want to work on the marriage, we ARE best friends since I was 14. We never argue and work as a team. He is going through some sort of mid life thing or whatever...."I love you but I am no longer in love with you." No affairs no abuse.
What can I say....I hate to do this but he will get his wishes of being alone and discover the grass isn't greener at the same time.
I'm in much the same situation and I did exactly the same thing a few years ago, so my wife and I are in that type of pattern.
If he's thinking that way, there's a reason, probably another woman. That's what it was in my case. If he wants to go, you can't stop him, no matter what, so let him. Maybe he'll see that life isn't what she's promising him, but he'll have to make amends from there if you'll let him, a tough choice to make for anyone.
I'm in much the same situation and I did exactly the same thing a few years ago, so my wife and I are in that type of pattern.
If he's thinking that way, there's a reason, probably another woman. That's what it was in my case. If he wants to go, you can't stop him, no matter what, so let him. Maybe he'll see that life isn't what she's promising him, but he'll have to make amends from there if you'll let him, a tough choice to make for anyone.
Dad of 3 did she come back? Or try to? If so what did you do?
I've done that once in my life... lost a guy to another woman then he came back. I won't do it again. If he leaves me for another woman, I won't EVER take him back. Ever.
if his the reponsible type, losing his job would trigger an emotional drawback. He feel he no longer can be the man in the house and taking of of his family.
You may want to try and probe his financial status.
Divorce and suicide 
Re: Divorce and suicide 
