Not sure how to feel? - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-08-2012, 11:55 PM Thread Starter
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Not sure how to feel?

So earlier in the daytime I drove slowly by an accident scene where a motorcycle was all busted up and the guy was laying in the middle of the road, and the paramedics were all there trying desperately to revive him but it didn't look good. Then later on in the evening I saw on the news a brief mention about it, and it was reported that he was going about 90mph on one of these "crotch rockets" in a 45mph zone and some lady pulled out in front of him and he's now deceased. And this is a terrible situation for everyone involved and I wanna feel sad for the kid but I'm finding it hard to completely, after hearing the story about how he ended up like this and how it cost him his life.

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 07:07 AM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

It's bad that he lost his life, no doubt. But... He knew the risk of driving that fast. And... The roads are safer now.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 08:38 AM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

I'm married to a cop. I can give you dozens of sad stories like this. All were totally preventable.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-09-2012, 09:42 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

Back in 2002 I believe I remember this 19 year old kid that played drums in the church band where I attended services, and he had purchased this black "Ninja" motorcycle that he was all proud of and excited about and was showing it off to everyone after church one night. We all were happy for him in a guarded kind of way and everyone told him to pleaaase be careful, & a few members even prayed over him and his bike for protection and safety. Well about 3 months later we were all getting ready for service to start and there was a very somber mood in the air, but nobody really knew completely what was going on. But then the preacher walks on stage with his family and points towards an empty drum set, and announces that this 19 year old was killed a few days prior on his motorcycle after someone pulled out in front of him on a busy road.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-28-2012, 12:28 PM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

I tend to feel the worst for what I call the innocent victims -where the wreckless (due to bad choices) caused such deaths .

In this way, I suppose it is NOT very nice, but I can't help it... that's how I feel.

If someone like that contributed to the death of a family member..... I am not sure I could ever forgive it. I would be fuming with rage....To me, it is the same as pulling the trigger on a gun = driving drunk/ racing 45 miles over the speed limit. Thank God he was the only one killed, around the corner it could have been someone else along with his wrecklessness.

A Teen got a new car in our Church, all excited - recently got his drivers license...(I think all kids need a TANK).... going too fast around a hilly bend one night , hit a tree, life was over....one of my sons was in that car a month before with that kid driving...I said a prayer of thanks.

I've told all my boys....I don't care if we have the prime land for Quad riding, acres of trails in the back of our property.... so long as they live in our house, I will not pay for a QUAD or a Motorcycle.... once they hit 18 -if they want to use their own $$ ...fine, but I won't contribute to their possible demise.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-30-2012, 08:04 PM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

I think I've become desansitised (how the heck you spell it?!) with death. I even have to fake concern/grief with a majority of my mates who had accidents because I'm actually really freakin heartless - only certain things strike a chord with me.

Right now, you don't know how to feel, just be real, and dont kick yourself for not feeling sh-t all when you're "supposed to"

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I'm married to a cop.
=O
Good thing we're in different countries then! LOL
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-30-2012, 11:12 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

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I think I've become desansitised (how the heck you spell it?!) with death. I even have to fake concern/grief with a majority of my mates who had accidents because I'm actually really freakin heartless - only certain things strike a chord with me.

Right now, you don't know how to feel, just be real, and dont kick yourself for not feeling sh-t all when you're "supposed to"



=O
Good thing we're in different countries then! LOL
Death has always bothered me and always will and I've lost quite a few people close to me over the years, and I myself are terrified of dying because the transformation is such a scary mystery to all of us.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 12:43 AM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

Reminds me of that death speech I gave, a mate got stabbed and slashed, machetes and knives are how it is in Australia, strict gun laws, I had to go through hurdles with a group just to get a freakin piece, ambulance was on its way, he dealed on the wrong street, repeatedly, disrespected the "locals", whatever

Death is part of life, be content that his time came, and it came swiftly. That's what I told myself, what I tell myself
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 12:48 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

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Reminds me of that death speech I gave, a mate got stabbed and slashed, machetes and knives are how it is in Australia, strict gun laws, I had to go through hurdles with a group just to get a freakin piece, ambulance was on its way, he dealed on the wrong street, repeatedly, disrespected the "locals", whatever

Death is part of life, be content that his time came, and it came swiftly. That's what I told myself, what I tell myself
Are you in some sort of street gang or something, because what you described is not a normal way of life for most people? And at 6'3 and 240 lbs I can defend myself with the best of them but I also know my limits and try and avoid any unnecessary confrontations.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 02:04 AM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

I do feel for the families who are impacted when someone does something stupid & dies in a totally preventable way.
I get somewhat annoyed when a teen is drinking & driving & runs into a tree, is killed & suddenly he/she becomes saint like. The best & nicest kid who ever lived.
Having said that, I have never lost one of my kids, I would probably be tempted to deify them as well if I did.
I really feel for the emergency workers. They are the ones who are constanly having to drag bodies out of wrecked cars & know that it was caused by lack of common sense & care.

RD, I am glad I live in a different part of Australia than you! Having said that, crime rates do seem to be on the increase.

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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 05:45 AM
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

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Are you in some sort of street gang or something, because what you described is not a normal way of life for most people? And at 6'3 and 240 lbs I can defend myself with the best of them but I also know my limits and try and avoid any unnecessary confrontations.
It was 10 years ago, but some lessons I learnt back then are still with me
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2012, 10:46 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Not sure how to feel?

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It was 10 years ago, but some lessons I learnt back then are still with me
I can remember my wild hoodlum days about 25 years ago but never got into nothing more than a good ol fist fight once or twice.
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