Missing her - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-08-2013, 11:31 PM Thread Starter
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Missing her

In 2007, My fiance and her children were killed in a housefire. I was totally devistated for quite some time. I went through a couple of bad relationships after that, I know now because I was not ready for them. I am now married to a woman that I love, but find myself always thinking about my fiance that died. I cannot talk to my wife about her because it makes her feel like I am still in love with her. The thing is I am still in love with her and always will be. I do not know what to do to not make my wife jealous or hurt, and at the same time cannot let go of my feelings I still hold for my deceased fiance. I know she is dead and my wife is alive, I have been told this by others, but that does not change how I feel. If anyone can relate, please share with me on what I can do for some peace. It feels like I have to keep it in and hide how I feel so it does not cause harm.

Last edited by hotshot; 02-08-2013 at 11:40 PM.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-08-2013, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Missing her

Is it wrong for me to be missing her like this even though I am in love with someone else?
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 07:06 AM
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Re: Missing her

Originally Posted by hotshot View Post
Is it wrong for me to be missing her like this even though I am in love with someone else?
You can't help the way you feel. Feelings are never wrong. In time, the pain will lessen.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 02-09-2013, 07:51 AM
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Re: Missing her

Don't worry so much about it. Of course you love her and it doesn't diminish your love for your wife either. Your feelings are valuable and true and they belong to you. There may come a time when you can share them with your wife but if you feel it might be hurtful to her, don't, but don't feel guilty about it either.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-29-2013, 01:20 PM
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Re: Missing her

Hotshot did you ever go through any grief counseling? Perhaps you never got to process your grief fully so that you could let her go and move on with your life.

Do you feel guilty and maybe feel like you are somehow betraying your fiance by loving your wife? A good grief counselor can help you with these conflicting emotions.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 04-02-2013, 11:15 AM
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Re: Missing her

Wow, im trying to imagine if i married someone who had lost someone like that. I guess to me if i didn't try to help him through this then i'd be very selfish, i wish your wife could realize the blessing she'd get from being your rock. You shouldn't feel any guilt from a loss, and if she is unwilling to comfort you then send her to my house, i'll straighten her out real quick
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