That heartbeat, the most beautiful sound & feeling..... - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-21-2013, 09:45 PM Thread Starter
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Unhappy That heartbeat, the most beautiful sound & feeling.....

I had a miscarriage in August 2011. I found out at 6 weeks & then a week after I was bleeding but still there was a heartbeat. My husband told me we have a fighter & oh how I wish he/she was here today. I ended up losing the baby shortly after.
I was 22 and didn't want kids yet but hearing that heartbeat made me so happy & I never wanted something more.
I love kids & I'm so happy around them. I have a 6 yr old Step Daughter and 1 1/2 year old niece & I love those girls with all my heart. I do want my own though, I want to be pregnant, I want to give birth to a healthy baby & I want to hear my child call me MOMMY!!!
After going through that my husband and I tried to have a baby until the end of 2012 & it just didn't happen. I'm on birth control now bc I have a new job & work long hours. Its a new company so we're working hard to make it big!
I'm conflicted though bc I want a child with my husband but its hard to keep trying with no results. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be one of those women who can't have kids.

I still cry sometimes about my miscarriage and I don't think I can ever get over it. Some may feel it was a short time but all I did was dream about how they would look, how much I couldn't wait to just hold my baby. I'm crying now thinking about it.

Anyway, my dilemma is should I stay on birth control? & not think about trying just keep living, having unprotected sex with my husband & what happens, happen?

& if anyone has dealt with this lost, how have you overcome it?

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 02-25-2013, 01:17 PM
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Re: That heartbeat, the most beautiful sound & feeling.....

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks. I went in to hear the baby's heartbeat when I was 12 weeks along, they couldn't hear it and said sometimes it just is in a bad spot. They sent me for an ultrasound, the ultrasound tech wouldn't say anything to me, she just told me I had to wait for the Dr. to review the results. I knew right then it wasn't good. The Dr. confirmed for me that the baby stopped growing at 8 weeks and it was a "missed" miscarriage because my body never expelled the baby. I had to have surgery. It was a horrible experience.

I'm really sorry that you are having to deal with this. I'm at a loss as to what to say to make you feel better. I know after I had my miscarriage a lot of women I knew started coming out telling me about theirs, it happens a lot more than I ever thought. It wasn't comforting to me though that they all had children. I thought, well yeah they can tell me it'll be ok because they have kids, I don't know if I ever will so they don't know what it's like. And right now I feel like those women. I want to tell you it will be ok but I now have 2 children of my own. Maybe that gives some people hope, I know it didn't for me at the time but it worked out in the end.

If I were in your position, I would quit taking bc. My SIL was infertile and the Dr.'s wouldn't do anything for her until she had attempted to get pregnant on her own for at least 2 years. After that time passed she finally had tests, had invitro done etc. She miscarried a few times and finally became pregnant after fertility treatment for 2 additional years. Then, after she had the baby she thought she was safe and didn't need bc because she needed invitro to get pregnant. Then she conceived naturally right away! The Dr. told her sometimes after getting help getting pregnant your body gets the kick it needs to realize how it should be working. Not the case with everyone but it does happen.

So I wouldn't be pushing back the timeframe of when you can get fertility treatments by being on bc now. You want a baby. If you were to get pregnant you would be ecstatic regardless of the job situation. Job stuff all works out in one way or another. Being on bc just seems backwards from what you really want and I don't see a good reason to do it.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-02-2013, 12:31 AM
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Re: That heartbeat, the most beautiful sound & feeling.....

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Originally Posted by ForeverHis View Post
Anyway, my dilemma is should I stay on birth control? & not think about trying just keep living, having unprotected sex with my husband & what happens, happen?

& if anyone has dealt with this lost, how have you overcome it?
Your husband and yourself should be in agreement.... but if I was YOU... and you truly want a child, get off the birth control...

I agree with Soifon's advice & wisdom....

After our 1st son.... thankfully I didn't get on birth control, after a time we learned I couldn't get pregnant, it took a another 7 yrs (along with many fertility tests, pills & a surgery to correct my problem - my tubes were kinked)....

I have often thought " what if I was on birth control all of those yrs feeling I was just FINE"....only to learn I couldn't conceive, you can't get those years back... so let nature take its course...

I had 1 miscarriage at 7 weeks, I only knew about a week.... I was thankful it happened early... I got a few books at the library ...read them alone, cried my heart out...and this brought me peace.... and we just tried again..

True, miscarriages are very very common...I remember reading this in these books, which helped calm me.... the infertile woman envys those who can just achieve conception....it offers hope every time....that part of the process is working well...over the woman who can't even get the sperm to penetrate the egg.
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