I was finally honest with my older brother. - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 04-03-2013, 10:49 AM
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Re: I was finally honest with my older brother.

During my mothers final illness, I kept hinting to my father and brother to honor her living will. Her kidneys had stopped working, and the doctors wanted to put her on a dialasys....I objected, but they hooked her up....

then they wanted to put her on a ventilator...I suggested they shouldn't....

She was put on the machine.

Then they said she had a bleeder and wanted permission to operate, or she would bleed out. Again I suggested they honor the living will...

They operated...

I talked to everyone, my dad, my brother, her sisters, everyone. Alone they all agreed she should be allowed to die, but none had the courage in front of the group.

I was 2 hours from home, and had stayed at her side holding my brother and dad up emotionally as well as I could. I saw I was making things too easy on my brother, and went home for a couple of days....

He called 2 days later and said "This is killing me. You have to come back here and get her off this damned machine.....

I came back, I had to stay at my brothers side constantly to keep him from unpluging the life support himself...the next day, they took her off the ventilator. Within 20 minutes she passed away in her sleep.....

Since her passing, no one said we should have insisted on additional life support. Everyone knew it was the right thing to do...Even my dad, her husband of 57 years...

It was 15 years before my brother mentioned it. Then in a phone call, he told me, being too emotional was the biggest mistake he had ever made, and he hated what he had done. Not being strong enough to make the right call had put her through 3 weeks of pain and suffering that we should have prevented.

Sometimes it is just hard to admit what is the right thing to do.

And to be perfectly honest, I don't know if I would have the courage to do the right thing if it was my wife. I would need a lot of support.

I think my stepson would have the courage to help my wife do the right thing by me...



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