Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

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post #16 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 09:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

Not sure what my next move is? Tell her how this makes me feel again? Mention a divorce? Act nice and sweet amd hope that works toget my son back? Ultimatum? Ignore her?
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post #17 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 11:37 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

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post #18 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 11:59 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

A little background. We are both 36, my mom passed about 18 years ago. My dad is 80 and lives with a girlfriend.

Here is the difference. My dad is also old and has had many heart surgeries. He does not even tell me about them. When I find out I do not make drama. In 3 years we visited him for 3 days as I was off work and we had money to go cross country.

As for my wife, since nearing the end of her pregancy 2 years ago her mom has called daily talking about her dads cancer, every little detail, making it sound as bad as possible. My wife cries nightly for years for most of our marriage.

My wife has also spent 2 months in Brazil to see her family.

Her moms family is wealthy but has not spent one dime to see her or pay for her flights. I do that.

So basically her fathers illness has ruined our marriage and now my wife is staying with her mom indefinitely.
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post #19 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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A little background. We are both 36, my mom passed about 18 years ago. My dad is 80 and lives with a girlfriend.

Here is the difference. My dad is also old and has had many heart surgeries. He does not even tell me about them. When I find out I do not make drama. In 3 years we visited him for 3 days as I was off work and we had money to go cross country.

As for my wife, since nearing the end of her pregancy 2 years ago her mom has called daily talking about her dads cancer, every little detail, making it sound as bad as possible. My wife cries nightly for years for most of our marriage.

My wife has also spent 2 months in Brazil to see her family.

Her moms family is wealthy but has not spent one dime to see her or pay for her flights. I do that.

So basically her fathers illness has ruined our marriage and now my wife is staying with her mom indefinitely.
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post #20 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 12:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

So in other words it feels like this entire marriage is about her feelings and her family. Now that she leaves indefinitely it just makea it worse. Like I have no say in the matter at all. All I do is work and pay bills while she can leave me anytime she wants, and stay as long as she wants. Even on easter and thanksgiving. Thats why I think I need to ignore her a bit so maybe she gives me a little value.
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post #21 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 01:02 PM
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Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

Your next move is to do nothing. Next time however when she wants to leave to visit her family either go with her or she goes alone. Or don't buy the ticket at all.

I think it's excessive to be gone this long. We lost 3 parents last year and we were gone for a week each time. Not everyone has the luxury of being gone for months at a time nor would I do that to my husband or him to me.
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post #22 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-12-2013, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

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Your next move is to do nothing. Next time however when she wants to leave to visit her family either go with her or she goes alone. Or don't buy the ticket at all.

I think it's excessive to be gone this long. We lost 3 parents last year and we were gone for a week each time. Not everyone has the luxury of being gone for months at a time nor would I do that to my husband or him to me.
And it is also the uncertainty, changing day to day based on her emotions. I would ask her why she told me something different the day prior and it turns into "I didn't say that", or "yeah but I cant leave my mom" etc etc

She also always said her mom ruined her first marriage, as she was married when she was 21 to 23 yo. I sort of see this happening again.. My dad would tell me "Go take care of your family". not "Please don't leave me"

I understand I should be there for her etc, but she knew for a good year this day was coming, and she was able to spend 2 months with him prior. I feel like I was supportive of her, always listening to her, researching cancer, working harder to afford her trips etc.

When she broke our last agreement again, and now will stay for Easter, I am just feeling very very low. Can I still have pride and continue to talk to her daily like nothing happened?

And yes, I understand she wants comfort and support, but how would she feel if I took her son away indefinitely, or for 2 months out of the country?
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post #23 of 23 (permalink) Old 03-24-2013, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Wifes father passing, how to deal with travel and kids

Well things were getting better, and she is coming back Monday.

But now she is saying how she is depressed, nothing excites her, and she has just been sitting around her sis n laws house for the past week with our son.

She is saying she really has nothing in life.. So, I am thinking to myself "Holy crap.. You have a kid.. A husband that supports you.. A family here. A family there.. I am working my ass off for us. What do you want?"

So then she just said "i dont want to talk about it".. Then this morning she starts with "hey hun, love you miss you" etc etc

I asked if she was ok, if she was still returning Monday, and she got irritated again..She said "the ticket is for Monday". I said ok, are you returning Monday? Then she said "Dont worry, even if I will be miserable forever I will return monday"

Which made me mad, then she apologized and said she was very sorry, and I have not talked to her since.
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