Re: Trying to help my children
You are helping! You are giving them the opportunity to cope in whatever way they need to currently. You kids seem to be coping in the usual way. Some get fully on board with giving care, some want to ignore the entire thing and avoid the parent at all costs, and others are angry for what is happening to them. All 3 of your kids are coping exactly as my nephews did when my brother was dying. It's all normal.
What worried us at the time was not the angry one, but the avoidant one. He missed out on a lot of time he could have spent with his father and he now regrets missing that time. But don't we all have regrets? Isn't regretting a huge learning tool? We can't always force life lessons on people, for instance learning to avoid regretting by not avoiding. But you could explain and help him if he is ready. "I know avoiding what is happening to your Dad feels easiest right now. But after he's gone it will be too late for do overs. Try to spend some time with him now. Tell him what makes you angry or upset. We often regret what we fail to say more frequently then we regret what we actually said."