Son passed away, need help dealing with this - Talk About Marriage
Dealing with Grief and Loss The grieving process is difficult. When we lose someone close to us, we go through many different emotions.

User Tag List

 1Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 09:42 PM Thread Starter
DMM
Registered User
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 8
Son passed away, need help dealing with this

My 4 month old son died recently in his sleep, the doctors said it was from SIDS, and since then i cant help but feel like it was my fault he died because i came home from work in the morning, my wife made sure he was sleep before she left for work so i fell asleep too. hours later she gets off work and comes in, i woke up jumping out of bed because i had not heard him cry or whine like he usually did. I checked him in his bassinet and there he was, dead. Since i have to walk around the house at night and make sure everyone is breathing and still alive, its become a habit now and its killing me inside and i just dont know what to do because now one talks about it in the house at all.

DMM is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 09:50 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 55
Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I am so sorry for your loss! I have no advice to give you as I cannot imagine what your family is going through. I have never experienced loss of this magnitude.

You and your wife may think about seeing a grief counselor. I wish you all the best.
Angus1985 is offline  
post #3 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 09:55 PM
Member
 
richie33's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,081
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

My condolences. You and your wife need to see a grief counselor as soon as possible. You may be experiencing PTSD.
richie33 is offline  
 
post #4 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 11:36 PM
Member
 
JustSomeGuyWho's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Noblesville, IN
Posts: 2,394
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

Quote:
Originally Posted by DMM View Post
My 4 month old son died recently in his sleep, the doctors said it was from SIDS, and since then i cant help but feel like it was my fault he died because i came home from work in the morning, my wife made sure he was sleep before she left for work so i fell asleep too. hours later she gets off work and comes in, i woke up jumping out of bed because i had not heard him cry or whine like he usually did. I checked him in his bassinet and there he was, dead. Since i have to walk around the house at night and make sure everyone is breathing and still alive, its become a habit now and its killing me inside and i just dont know what to do because now one talks about it in the house at all.
I just can't imagine the pain you are going through. That is a parent's worst nightmare. I agree that you should see a grief counselor. You have to work through it before it tears you and your family apart. Although it is easy to fall into the 'what if' trap, it is NOT your fault.
JustSomeGuyWho is offline  
post #5 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-31-2013, 12:46 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17,203
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

"It Is Well With My Soul" By The Isaacs (2008) - YouTube

I can't even imagine your pain and my heart goes out to you, my friend. God holds the keys to life and death. I pray He gives you freedom from any guilt and just surrounds you with His peace and love.
Of all the deaths I've investigated, SIDS has to be the hardest. There just doesn't seem to be a rhyme or reason. We can't understand everything and I don't believe we're meant to. I do trust that God is in His heaven and he feels every bit of grief, guilt, and pain you do over this. His only son died, too. Because of that gift, your separation from your son doesn't have to be forever.
unbelievable is offline  
post #6 of 18 (permalink) Old 03-31-2013, 01:10 AM
Member
 
Anon Pink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 10,337
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I am so very sorry for your loss! So tragic! SIDS is the most frightening thing out there. I think your need to check your kids is normal and natural reaction to the horror of losing an infant. I cannot imagine the pain, nor can I imagine that it could ever go away. I guess it's like every other kind of loss, eventually you get used to the pain.

Grief is not something two people experience the same way. I'm glad you came here and posted. This is a safe place to post and no one will judge you for how you are coping or what it happening.

I hold you in my thoughts and send you strength, peace of mind, and an open heart. Your son will not be forgotten. He lived and he was loved!
Anon Pink is offline  
post #7 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-02-2013, 11:10 AM
Member
 
Lonely&frustrated's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 91
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

DMM, I can't imagine how drained, sad, hurt, lonely, angry.etc... you must feel, i wish i could give you hugs to you and your family. The thing about death is that its something that will never go away, the minute we are born we are dying. It doesn't matter if you were awake or in other room, it may have even been a different day that it happened, we just have no control over when our time is up. You will beat yourself up over the what if's, but it wasn't for you to decide, it wasn't anyone's choice. It's ok to hurt, it's ok to cry, it's ok to be angry, that IS normal, there is no time limit on when it SHOULD stop, just take it one day at a time, maybe even 5 minutes at a time. Please go talk to someone, it's ok to lean on others!! My heart goes out to you and your family, I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I will pray for you and hope you feel his love wrap around you.
Lonely&frustrated is offline  
post #8 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-03-2013, 11:09 PM
Member
 
mablenc's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Danvers State Insane Asylum
Posts: 9,963
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I am so sorry for your loss, my parents loses my older sister that way too, I worry still after 30 plus years later because I don't think they grieved about her death. She was three months at the time. My mom still freaks out if someone oversleeps.

Please stop blaming your self, you did nothing wrong. It's unfortunate that these things happen, and I can't imagine your pain.
If you feel up to it, you can visit these two websites for support:
Home Page
The CJ Foundation for SIDS

Also, if your employer has an employee asitance program you should contact them, they will find you counseling maybe individual and family, and even support groups.

Please don't be affaid to seek help, you have been trough a terrible tragey.

I insist that you stop blaming yourself, I will keep you and your family I'm my thoughts and prayers. Please post as often as you need to, we are here to help. Hugs
Posted via Mobile Device
mablenc is offline  
post #9 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-04-2013, 04:54 PM
Member
 
Zulnex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 52
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

Please accept my sincere condolences.
I agree as well, talking to a grief counselor would be good for both of you.
I will pray for you and your family.
Zulnex is offline  
post #10 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-04-2013, 04:58 PM
Member
 
GTdad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,153
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I'm sorry, DMM. Hugs, brother.

GTdad is offline  
post #11 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-04-2013, 05:13 PM
Member
 
daisygirl 41's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 1,965
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

So sorry for your loss. Please know you were not to blame for this.
Your family would benefit from grief counselling.
Hugs
Posted via Mobile Device
daisygirl 41 is offline  
post #12 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-04-2013, 06:52 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Tri State NY / NJ area
Posts: 296
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

My most sincerest condolences it's difficult to understand but blaming yourself is wrong and may God give you strength to get thru this !
Omgitsjoe is offline  
post #13 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 01:10 AM
Moderator
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 33,748
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I'm am so very sorry for your loss. Losing your child is a nightmare. I lost twins at birth so I have a bit of an idea of what you are going through.

You and your wife do need to deal with this head on because if you don't it can rip your family apart. Grief counseling is a very good idea. There are also support groups for parents who experience the loss of a baby. I'm sure there is one in your area. We went to one for a year or so. It really did help to talk to others how have gone through something similar.

Please stop blaming yourself. There is most likely nothing you could have done differently to save your child. SIDS is terrible for that very reason. There is no indication of a problem. So there is nothing you can do.

Surviving An Affair -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



To Create A Passionate Marriage -
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
EleGirl is offline  
post #14 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-05-2013, 04:18 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,530
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I'm so so sorry for the loss of your baby boy. In Australia there is a great organization Bereavement Support | Sids and Kids. If you're not in Australia, maybe there is something similar.
Lyris is offline  
post #15 of 18 (permalink) Old 04-06-2013, 07:27 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 47
Re: Son passed away, need help dealing with this

I'm so sorry.....I know you feel like it's your fault. You are going to feel that because as parents we feel like we need to protect our kids. There are just some things you cannot protect them from. This is not your fault. You wouldn't have been able to save him unless you sat in there and watched him breathe every minute of every day. Even then, you probably couldn't have saved him. It'll take time, but eventually you'll be able to see it. It's just that protective instinct you can't avoid. Take care of yourself and you wife. :0(
Very Sad is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
death, infant, son

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
How do I get passed it??? Enough!!! Coping with Infidelity 5 02-01-2010 09:46 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome