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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 09-18-2013, 10:23 AM Thread Starter
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Parenting Facilitator

Does anyone have any experience with utilizing a Parenting Facilitator, post-divorce, to assist in co-parenting?

How effective was it?

What were some success/failures?

What were some surprises?

What should I be looking for in the professional?

Ours was an extremely acrimonious divorce. Former spouse is very high conflict with major anger issues.

Per the decree:

"The duties of the parenting facilitator are limited to matters that will aid the parties in the following: identifying disputed issues; reducing misunderstandings; clarifying priorities; exploring possibilities for problem solving; developing methods of collaboration in parenting; understanding parenting plans and reaching agreements about parenting issues to be included in a parenting plan; complying with the Court's order regarding conservatorship or possession of and access to the children; implementing parenting plans; obtaining training regarding problem solving, conflict management, and parenting skills; settling disputes regarding parenting issues and reaching a prpposed joint resolution or statement of intent regarding thos disputes; and monitoring compliance with the Court's orders."

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-02-2013, 12:34 AM
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Re: Parenting Facilitator

I am working on this with my X...that is, we are in consultation with a mediator who is intending to help us sort out some of this. It's slow going for sure...ours is also acrimonious, I am the one who is still quite angry, my X seems to have walked away onto a happier life with someone else and really wonders why I am so upset.

Parenting discussions have been absent to this point - he seems to think he can't bring anything up with me, whereas I have a lot to say and think we have a lot to decide about.

So far there has not been a lot decided but I am hopeful that if I can't get the point across (that co-parenting involves more than deciding when she's spending time with him), the mediator can.

I can report back if you like.

Best of luck - I would suggest, at least if possible, to find someone you both "like" enough (this doesn't have to mean you are agreeing, mind you, just that you each individually don't have any complaints about the person after a first meeting. Trust as you go forward with a third party would be pretty key in my books).
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 10-02-2013, 05:34 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Parenting Facilitator

Quote:
Originally Posted by lucy mulholland View Post
I am working on this with my X...that is, we are in consultation with a mediator who is intending to help us sort out some of this. It's slow going for sure...ours is also acrimonious, I am the one who is still quite angry, my X seems to have walked away onto a happier life with someone else and really wonders why I am so upset.

Parenting discussions have been absent to this point - he seems to think he can't bring anything up with me, whereas I have a lot to say and think we have a lot to decide about.

So far there has not been a lot decided but I am hopeful that if I can't get the point across (that co-parenting involves more than deciding when she's spending time with him), the mediator can.

I can report back if you like.

Best of luck - I would suggest, at least if possible, to find someone you both "like" enough (this doesn't have to mean you are agreeing, mind you, just that you each individually don't have any complaints about the person after a first meeting. Trust as you go forward with a third party would be pretty key in my books).
Similar situation with roles reversed.

She is still terribly angry. Our conversations are extremely rare and on those rare occasions she is bitter. It's impossible to talk.

Yes, please report back when you can. I'll do the same.

I'm interested in what you think about the facilitator, how the kid(s) fare and how you and your former spouse feel about the meetings.

According to the decree she and I are supposed to iron out some differences as well. Curious to see how that goes since she refused counseling when she decided to divorce. Now that's final she's forced to.
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