Re: worried about seeing a counselor who doesn't understand our needs
This reminds me of a comment someone made to me when they went to a naturopath, he put her on a detox diet which made her "worse, and didn't fix the problem"… she stopped the diet and went on anti-depressants instead.
True, sometimes things get worse to get better, sometimes we think we have a problem with our skin but really it's a problem with our liver, or our hormones or something else, but we only see the symptom and not the cause.
So if there is no attraction, there is something else at play, on her side, on yours on both more than likely. So walking away when a counsellor wants to delve into things "you don't have problems with" would be acting out of fear. If you truly don't have a problem with XY or Z then you shouldn't mind talking about it.
I too thought I had great communication with my H… but turns out it was all intellectual and very rarely came down to feelings and needs. Actually it never did. And so the marriage broke down, the attraction disappeared, etc.
Give it a shot, what have you got to lose?