MRB

My husband and I are on the brink of divorce. We have a lot of issues that I will post in another thread in the substance abuse area. Anyways I found a therapist and we have done 1 session. They practice Imago therapy. Is this really going to get us anywhere? I feel like I need to get everything off my chest about what he has done and what I am feeling but we are stuck "imaging" each other and hardly dealing with much. Any success or knowledge of this type of therapy? We have our 2nd session today.

candice912

Yes, I have gone to a certified imago therapist. I will tell you it is the most effective method I have seen. It turned my relationship around, stopped the conflict and really helped us to get back to a positive place and greatly improve our communication.

As I read your post, I remember feeling as you do at one time. I remember feeling frustrated, having all of these hurt feelings that I needed to talk about. In Imago, you will have a chance to heal all of that, but first you have to learn how to communicate those feelings so your spouse can understand them. I am certain that you have aleady tried to tell him before, but he felt insulted or attacked. Bite your tonge today until you learn this skill, try to have an open mind and give it a chance. I will be honest that I haven't dealt with substance abuse in my marriage, but the frustrations and hurts; yes. This mirorring that you speak of is to help you two learn to listen to one another. You must learn to listen first before you get all this off your chest to your spouse. Look at it this way, if your spouse does't feel heard then how is he to listen. I hear in your post that it is difficult to participate and listen without being heard. Imago made it possible for my husband to hear my feelings without feeling attacked. We both are able to listen better and act on fulfilling each others needs. Give it a try and best wishes to you.

the last straw

My husband was not able to apply what he might have learned so it was a waste of time and money.
i think it could be good if you both have some ahahas and then catch yourselves involved in unhealthy patterns in your interactions. In our case, my husband didn't get the point.
You'll know after a few meetings.. just see if you both process the sessions by discussing them after each and notice if your perception of situations changes and if your behaviors change. if they don't, or if they do, you'll have the answer to your own question. assuming your therapist is competent, only your own experience can be your guide

MRB

Thank you both for the replies. My husband decided he no longer wanted to attend after the 3rd session. He thinks we can make this work on our own. I don't think he liked the Imago approach. He said our therapist was "crazy".

candice912

I understand how your husband feels. My husband was very resistant and thought it crazy at first too. I asked him to please give it a chance. He agreed to try and now feels differently about it. However, I can't say anything about your particular counselor. I'm sure we had different ones. I have fired a counselor before (not an imago one), so I understand it has to be right for you.

There are many methods out there and I understand if it's not the right one for you or your husband. It is just the one I have experienced the most success with.

What your husband is saying is understandable. My counselor said that it is usually the woman who drags her husband to counseling or comes alone, because he refuses to go. It seems that men have a tendency to want to figure it out on their own. I will encourage you since you sought out counseling to learn some new communication skills to improve your relationship to seek out another source of info, like a book or website. About.com has some good marriage advice. I wish you good luck and if you find a good program, you should post it to share.