how often is counseling needed? - Talk About Marriage
Experiences in Counseling Have you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.

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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-01-2014, 11:16 PM Thread Starter
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how often is counseling needed?

I know that this could be a good question to ask the marriage counselor, but really it isn't up to her. It's up to my husband's work schedule. She only has appointments M-f in the afternoons plus my husband travels for work. We were supposed to have our first appointment last week but it was cancelled due to weather, so we have our first hopefully this coming week. But then we only are able to do one more session in Feb... then it looks like maybe only once a month for a while... is that even going to be enough?! I feel like we'd need it once a week for a while, and at least every other week. That's why I was excited that we could have done it last week and this week... stupid weather. Is it really worth it to do it and have like 3 weeks in between?? Feels like we won't get any where... how often did you go? And what do you think about my frequency predicament? Will it hinder the process?

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-02-2014, 02:27 AM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

It is difficult to pick a hard and fast number for frequency. If you have a good counselor your homework assignment in between appointments will be amble. For example, counselors will tell you to give each other five compliments each day. That does not get old after a week or a month.

Short answer: Go when you can and try to get on a schedule. Hopefully, that help!
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-04-2014, 09:29 AM Thread Starter
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

just want to bump this one last time to possibly get a few more answers But yes, I am curious what her counseling style will be, as I'm learning that there are all sorts of different approaches. I just feel we'll need so much more than just once a month or so!
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-05-2014, 01:25 AM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

We are going every three weeks, which seems fair because things are rocky. Much more that that would be excesssive as people have to work on the issues between sessions. Lesss frequesnt, e.g. monthly would be fair. As the people in the relationship do the work, much more frequent is in danger of becoming reliant on the MC. Weekly would suggest things are falling apart very seriously.

This is my ignorant ompression, hopefully it will prompt a better qualified response.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-16-2014, 08:43 PM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

We go once a week and at first that was needed but now ( 7months) I think we should make it less frequent. We went do to his affair and our wish to heal the marriage. Is it working? It is for me. I'm growing as a person. Don't know if it's healing the marriage or not?
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-01-2014, 12:47 AM
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how often is counseling needed?

When things were bad we went each week. When things were calm, it was every 2.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 02:19 AM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

When I first met my RSXW, she was already fastly in the process of seeing her IC, pretty much on a weekly to a semi-weekly basis. She had problems with an alcoholic H from a prior marriage; she had problems with three teenage kids who were underachieving and skipping out in school and embracing the goth, drug head, and tattoo culture; not to mention getting picked up by the local authorities for shoplifting and possession of meth with intent to distribute. They were even stealing from her home and then pawning items to help facilitate their meth and pot habits.

After marriage, we attended MC sessions weekly ~ with her going solo one week, me the next, then together on the third. The counselor was in NW Houston and we were roughly some 100 miles away.

Because of my RSXW's massive wealth, she paid all counseling bills. The counselor had always been a longtime friend of hers, so far as I knew ~ and almost always sided with her in any standing dispute between the two of us ~ largely because that's where her fee money always seemed to come from!

And with extremely rare exception, I always seemed to feel like a bastard at a family reunion every time that I went there, as I was almost always ganged up on by the two of them!

Glad that those days are now over! The only thing that I'd like to convey to that counselor is what a lying cheating skank that she has for a client. But then again, as long as the counseling tab is getting paid, then the counselor could really give a "rat's a$$" about the truth and morals of her client!

IMHO, I really believe that my RSXW is addicted to counsellors to solely vilify herself because she can't seem to even begin to make the first logical decision of her own accord!

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Last edited by arbitrator; 07-28-2015 at 02:24 AM.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-01-2015, 05:17 AM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

It is very important to see a nice and experienced counsellor because only an experienced counsellor can understand your situation and suggestion you the best of the option. I have seen many relationship just broke like nothing. Not only relationships but property disputes between family members too. One can read more about it on online article.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-05-2015, 06:45 AM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

To find the solution for all your problems, you are advised to seek the professional help before the problems reach the critical stage. The Couples Therapist San Francisco resolves the matter by suggesting productive solutions for the minor, modest or extreme problems in order to re-build faith, love and joyfulness in relation. If problems are rising often go online as there were several counselors available twit them for suggestions.

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Couples Counseling Santa Rosa Family And Marriage Counselors
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-03-2016, 11:17 PM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

Depends on the severity of the problem, the willingness of the two parties to work things out, and the competence of the doctor. In my case, based on all 3 of those factors, once a week was more than sufficient, we were divorced within a few months of our first visit.

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-04-2016, 01:22 AM
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Re: how often is counseling needed?

To be honest. I think counseling is just a stepping stone to divorce. It is a last ditch effort. I have read that as many of 80% of couples end up divorcing after spending a lot of money on marriage counselors. The counselors will tell you that they succeed more than fail due to follow up studies done a year later. What they do not study is how many divorce after a year. It is very common for a married couple to give their marriage another year before divorcing. I have never seen counselling work for anyone I have known over the last 50 years, that took it. Adults rarely can change their basic nature. They may try to act as they are told they should but sooner or later, they will revert to their natural selves. Of course it works for some couples but I really do not think that number is high if you long beyond a year after therapy. My wife gave up trying to change me a long time ago and just accepts me as I am. We can argue one minute and then go on like nothing happened a minute after that because we both know that we love each other and we are just blowing off steam, which is better than holding it in. It is amazing how poorly couples communicate with each other. Woman will sometimes feel that they should not have to tell their husbands what is bothering them. They should know by the silent treatment they get. The problem is that many of us men do not even know we are getting the silent treatment. That was how my wife dealt with me but I never picked up on that. Now we will argue for a few minutes, get if off our chests and then go on like nothing happened. It works for us. I would never go to a marriage counselor because I do not want to change who I am. I cannot change the way I am after 50 years of marriage or even after 30 years. I like who I am and if my wife does not, she can leave because I am not going to put in an act of suppress my real feelings by doing things like I was told to do them.

I had a friend for 11 years who is a psychologist and he used to do a lot of marriage counseling until his own wife divorced him. He told me that he rarely had much of an affect on married couples and after he could not even fix his own marriage, left his private practice to work for the State penal system to counsel prisoners. He said that they had more of an incentive to pretend they have changed than spouses do. Of course my personal opinion is based on my experience only and it may not be the same as yours.
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