Counselling sessions adding more stress - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-29-2014, 12:46 PM Thread Starter
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Counselling sessions adding more stress

I feel like I am at breaking point here. I have anxiety anyway and now adding in the stress of couples counselling I am a nervous wreck. The problem is we have been given homework to do. This homework should be easy - set aside a set time each day to just talk to one another starting small then building up to the big issues in our relationship. No what is stressing me out is that he is completely avoiding me now. Whenever there is the remotest chance that a 'talk' may happen he is out of there. We haven't even discussed when to have the talks! Does the fool think he can get away with attending the next session and not done any of the homework! It is just disrespectful to both us and the counsellors by wasting everyones time.

I don't understand it - why even give me the glimmer of hope by agreeing to attend the counselling sessions anyway? If he has no intention of doing any of the work then what is the point? If he cannot even talk to me then maybe as he said in the session we are really on the road to divorce.

The thing is I am still really angry about some of the things he said during the session. The casual way he said he was completely aware of all the problems and the fact that his own decisions and behaviour was breaking me. He even said he knows that his refusal to even talk about children years ago caused my crash into depression, 'happy pills' and counselling. He said knows that I need affection and that I have a desire to have sex but he has issues with intimacy so that is never going to happen.

Some times I wish he would just come out with it. I feel like he is pushing and pushing me every day to just call time on everything. The worst thing is I have long been at the point where I wish I could. It is sad that it takes so long to sort out finances. Another three years maybe? He must know this. I mean there are only two options on the table as far as I can see. We have three years until the loan is gone. Three years to either try to fix things or three years to prepare to go our different ways. I am not nasty - I am quite willing to try to fix things hence the trip to counselling but he needs to put something into it too!!!!

Sorry I just desperately need to talk. I spend all day at work building up the courage to start a talk only to get home and he is not there or he is locked away in his office. Time to go and locate chocolate, get a blanket and huddle infront of the TV to try to forget I think.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 05-01-2014, 06:24 PM
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Re: Counselling sessions adding more stress

Here there …


I have been doing this for a year. Mine avoids conversations too, and then at one point he got to the point where he "wanted to talk" every evening but it was always the same crap… I'd ask him how he was doing etc, and he'd say something about being teary eyed at some point during the day about something, how he was feeling more alive than usual and he liked the feeling and that was about it. Eventually our MC fired us, (told us to stop coming) because each time we'd come and she'd ask him where he was at, he'd say the same thing as the previous session.. She'd ask if we'd done our homework, and I'd say "no not really"

It takes 2 to fix a marriage, I have no answers that's for sure, but if I were you, i think I'd approach him and say "I am going to wait for you to initiate the "talks" since you seem to be uncomfortable with them, however (and here's where the boundary comes in)… if in a month we haven't had one. I am leaving.

Then spend your energy doing things to feel good yourself. Do the things you've always wanted to do but didn't for whatever reason, if that's going out with friends, or taking dance class or going jogging or anything… make some changes to yourself, he will notice. Start feeling good about yourself. Make one change per week in your routine, how you live, what you do. etc.

That way the ball's in his court and he can stop avoiding you. It's really hard when you are both walking around like zombies feeling crappy all the time, avoiding each other, etc…


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Originally Posted by wifey82 View Post
I feel like I am at breaking point here. I have anxiety anyway and now adding in the stress of couples counselling I am a nervous wreck. The problem is we have been given homework to do. This homework should be easy - set aside a set time each day to just talk to one another starting small then building up to the big issues in our relationship. No what is stressing me out is that he is completely avoiding me now. Whenever there is the remotest chance that a 'talk' may happen he is out of there. We haven't even discussed when to have the talks! Does the fool think he can get away with attending the next session and not done any of the homework! It is just disrespectful to both us and the counsellors by wasting everyones time.

I don't understand it - why even give me the glimmer of hope by agreeing to attend the counselling sessions anyway? If he has no intention of doing any of the work then what is the point? If he cannot even talk to me then maybe as he said in the session we are really on the road to divorce.

The thing is I am still really angry about some of the things he said during the session. The casual way he said he was completely aware of all the problems and the fact that his own decisions and behaviour was breaking me. He even said he knows that his refusal to even talk about children years ago caused my crash into depression, 'happy pills' and counselling. He said knows that I need affection and that I have a desire to have sex but he has issues with intimacy so that is never going to happen.

Some times I wish he would just come out with it. I feel like he is pushing and pushing me every day to just call time on everything. The worst thing is I have long been at the point where I wish I could. It is sad that it takes so long to sort out finances. Another three years maybe? He must know this. I mean there are only two options on the table as far as I can see. We have three years until the loan is gone. Three years to either try to fix things or three years to prepare to go our different ways. I am not nasty - I am quite willing to try to fix things hence the trip to counselling but he needs to put something into it too!!!!

Sorry I just desperately need to talk. I spend all day at work building up the courage to start a talk only to get home and he is not there or he is locked away in his office. Time to go and locate chocolate, get a blanket and huddle infront of the TV to try to forget I think.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 01-04-2016, 04:29 PM
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Re: Counselling sessions adding more stress

And the reason your husband has failed to address his 'intimicy' issues is what, exactly?

He needs fixing first, before the marriage can be worked on, IMO.
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