Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Experiences in Counseling Have you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.

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post #16 of 27 (permalink) Old 08-14-2014, 02:18 PM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

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Originally Posted by 6301 View Post
If it's me. I throw her out. Help her pack her belongings take them to the door, put her coat and hat on her and tell her that once she steps out of the house then don't come back, don't call, don't bother you, then close the door, hire a lawyer and file, expose the affair to everyone and if the guy si married, tell his wife.

I would also get your own accounts at the bank, take her name off the credit cards and get them in your name only. If she owns a car, make her pay for gas and expenses including insurance.

In other words put her on a island where all she sees is empty ocean around her and wish her luck either goo or bad, your choice.

Maybe then she'll wake up and see what she's giving up and then if you want a R, then make her earn every bit of it. She started it, she owns it now she has to pay for it.
Wish I'd done what this post says to do years and years before I finally did.

A wife screwing another guy and telling you to be patient with her?

Holy crap!

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post #17 of 27 (permalink) Old 08-14-2014, 03:16 PM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

Spidey sense on this one.
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post #18 of 27 (permalink) Old 08-14-2014, 04:11 PM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

She wants to stay married to you and keep the OM???

I want to eat a tub of ice cream every day and have wash board abs.
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post #19 of 27 (permalink) Old 08-15-2014, 01:53 PM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

Wow.
You are seriously going to therapy to save your marriage while she is SCHTOOPING another guy?

Man up! Do a 180 on her!
She's banging someone else because she doesnt respect you and she will do this as long as you let her.
Look at all that frosting on her lips!

Toss her ass, expose the affair and give her a taste of reality!
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post #20 of 27 (permalink) Old 08-17-2014, 04:49 AM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

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She wants to stay married to you and keep the OM???

I want to eat a tub of ice cream every day and have wash board abs.
on a more serious note, I wondered if longer you are married to someone, you'd start to lose in touch of clearer "boundary setting' as you feel as if you are just living with another roommate and you love her or him unconditionally for the sake of "Marriage". I did this and it simply didn't work. Unfortunately, there's a growing awareness that when someone had cheated once, it is likely she/he will cheat again. I already knew this without studies in my experience. The only solution is D, I'm afraid. I too, wasted many years trying to R in vain. If I had a much better understanding of cheating mechanics back then, I would have D much sooner and avoided years of suffering from internal and physical grief which ensued.

Stay strong.
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post #21 of 27 (permalink) Old 08-17-2014, 04:51 AM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

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Wow.
You are seriously going to therapy to save your marriage while she is SCHTOOPING another guy?

Man up! Do a 180 on her!
She's banging someone else because she doesnt respect you and she will do this as long as you let her.
Look at all that frosting on her lips!

Toss her ass, expose the affair and give her a taste of reality!
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post #22 of 27 (permalink) Old 09-07-2014, 02:23 AM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

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I too, wasted many years trying to R in vain. If I had a much better understanding of cheating mechanics back then, I would have D much sooner and avoided years of suffering from internal and physical grief which ensued.

Stay strong.
Ditto, I should have moved on when my Ex was caught, I let her have the power in the relationship as I was a "nice guy" wanted to save the marriage. In hindsight I lost over 10 years of my life by not acting on it.

just a thought.
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post #23 of 27 (permalink) Old 09-07-2014, 11:14 AM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

What the eff is wrong with marriage counselors anyway?

My dad finally got proof of my moms PA after she died. I damn well know that 'their' counselor had to know what was going on because my mom had many private sessions with her. Through the lens of hindsight, she was totally in the fog. My dad had no chance while there was another man in the marriage.
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post #24 of 27 (permalink) Old 09-07-2014, 05:38 PM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

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What the eff is wrong with marriage counselors anyway?
IMHO, Greed, ego and plenty of good people looking for outside help to assist in saving their marriages. The ones I used were typically divorced and bitter. Warning signs i did not recognize at the time.
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post #25 of 27 (permalink) Old 10-19-2014, 05:08 AM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

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What the eff is wrong with marriage counselors anyway?

My dad finally got proof of my moms PA after she died. I damn well know that 'their' counselor had to know what was going on because my mom had many private sessions with her. Through the lens of hindsight, she was totally in the fog. My dad had no chance while there was another man in the marriage.
During my marriage breakdown, I organized couples counselling sessions for us at THREE different places (she didn't lift a finger) ALL of them simply put all the blame on me, and enabled her to continue treating me like crap, despite her displaying nearly every red flag possible for cheating (which, post train wreck, it seems almost certainly she was, I even know who it was now).

Marriage counselling was less than useless for me, cost me alot of money, and actually made her behaviour worse because they gave her a green light and enabled every little thing she did and did not take her to task ONCE. They didn't help our "marriage" at all, unless helping to destroy it counts. The whole marriage counselling system/concept needs an overhaul. They should be reviewed, and this "assumption of impartiality" they operate under the guise of should be challenged. Counsellors should state where they stand on infidelity, etc, so their OPINION is known.

I wouldn't recommend marriage counselling to anyone the way it is now.


"I can cook my own steaks and don't feel much like duty-sex these days" Lascarx
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post #26 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-28-2014, 12:41 AM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

You should definitely say something.
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post #27 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-30-2014, 05:47 PM
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Re: Don't know if I should say something in therapy or not

Your counselor is crap. She's cheating, wants both men, and the counselor says "lets find mutual ground"? NO!
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