Marriage Counseling or Bootcamp? - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-25-2015, 09:36 PM Thread Starter
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Marriage Counseling or Bootcamp?

My wife and I have communications issues where we don't express how we are feeling or what we are thinking. It has plagued us for several years. I have been in individual therapy for 8 years, but just recently switched to a new pyschiatrist and new therapist that actually listens and offers advice rather then just sit there. My new doctor does the same, whereas my original would just ask "you suicidle?, no, ok here's your prescriptions". This new one was able to help me figure out some of my causes of shutting down in 2 sessions compared to my other doctor who i dont think ever did. But my wife, she has not really gone to therapy long term. She needs it, I know it and she knows it. She was coming with me years ago but didn't like the place. She then found one she did like, but ended up almost becoming bff's which did not help anything. So she stopped going and hasn't gone to anykind of therapy since.

Fast forward to Wednesday night. I was home with the wife and son and she seemed upset. I asked her what was wrong and i got the "we'll talk after he's gone to bed". I just knew it wasn't good, i just had the gut wrenching feeling. She told me that she has been unhappy and didn't know if she could stay with me, that she's just emotional shut down and there were no feelings there. When i heard this it hurt, it hurt like nothing i've ever felt or heard before. I couldn't control myself, i just cried and begged. She wouldn't listen or hear me out. Looking back she was probably full of emotions as well. But I know there is hope. I know she needs some space right now. I want to to show her 1 option for bootcamp or counseling. I wouldn't mind something were you get away for a weekend. I mean, since our son was born nearly 3 years ago, we have not gone on any dates or had time to ourselves, hell even before that we didn't. We were just in a rut, a big sticky muddy rut with flat tires.

Can anyone recommend something like above for a getaway retreat? Im in NNJ and would prefer to stay local as money is very tight.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 04-25-2015, 10:25 PM
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Re: Marriage Counseling or Bootcamp?

You might start here

Marriage Help Program For Couples

A Summary of Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

His Needs, Her Needs

BTW, stop begging and chasing. It will only make her distance further.


"In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing." T.R.

Be a better man... / ADHD and Marriage
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-09-2015, 02:44 AM
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Re: Marriage Counseling or Bootcamp?

Have to develop your own interests.

As I found, it simply isn't my fault.
So I can't fix it. So I can beat myself for her failure and my loss, or I can get on with my life and at least create something I value with what life I (and when I get my son, we) have left. I simply can't fix her, and her point-of-view is her life is only about her interests, so I don't have anything to work with - and any help or assistance I give will simply be taken/absorbed with zero regard (indeed she thinks I should be grateful to her for her accepting my aid !) There simply isn't room in her life or mind for two people.
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