Dizzle6985

What can we expect? The whole situation at this point is my fault, i take full responsibility for it, and i want to change for my wife, and my son. I do not want my marriage to dissolve. I am willingly going because i know i have major issues (i will be going to therapy as well) to deal with before my wife and i can move forward. Will counciling help us? What should we know going in? Any advice would be great.

magnoliagal

It's only as good as the counselor you get and the amount of work you are willing to do. Therapy has changed my life and saved my marriage.

I think the key is finding the right fit. So if you don't click with this person within a few sessions don't hesitate to go somewhere else. I've been to 5 therapists and only found 1 that I really liked. Been going to her off and on for 12 years now. She's awesome!

bs193

Your wife can expect it to not be all about you. It is good that you take responsibility for the problems, but does she as well? If your wife expects YOU to be the focus of the therapy, she is going to be very disappointed, and she may be the one to think the counselor doesn't "click" with the two of you. Walk in willing to listen to one another - not point fingers.

To get the most out of it, you both need to walk in taking equal responsibility for where your marriage is now, and leave blame at the door. You both need to have a common goal - to make the marriage work. If either of you walk in with the attitude of "too little, too late" then it probably won't work out. Lastly, you both need to "put the work in" outside of counseling. Don't rely on your counselor to "fix" your marriage. It doesn't work that way.

Magnoliagal is correct. Be prepared to shop around. There are lots of counselors with the licenses required but few with the skills needed.

Good luck.

Runs like Dog

You would be horrified if you understood how little it takes to hang out a shingle and tout yourself as a 'therapist' or 'counselor'. You may as well talk to a barber half the time. Some states allow someone with as little as 6 months training to advertise as some kind of counselor. Don't get locked into anyone.

bs193

Agreed. Sorry to those counselors who take offense to this, but for me, if the therapist doesn't have a phd from a well respected university and at least 10 years clinical experience, they aren't even getting an audition. I have past experience with both, masters level clinicians who "meet the requirements" for the license and phd's who have well exceeded the requirements. The difference is like night and day.

shawn14

Marriage counseling is one of the most difficult forms of counseling and can be very hazardous in the hands of an inexperienced, poorly-trained, or values-neutral marriage counselor who doesn't have an interest in helping you and your spouse save your marriage, if at all possible. This values-neutral approach is too common among even those who call themselves marriage and family counselors.
Finding the most experienced marriage friendly counseling in New York is not easy. We have a top notch list of marriage counselors in New York who value marriage and life-long commitment, and are dedicated to helping marriages succeed, if at all possible.


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ZacThomas

Counseling only works when you both are willing to be open and work through things and your marriage is worth saving, but don't depend on the counseling. You and your wife both have to put in a lot of footwork to fix this.

river rat

I have a good friend who's a therapist, who says that the client he can't help is the one who is not willing to do the work to find solutions. The results you get from counseling are dependent not only on the therapist, but on how much you put into it.