Re: reconnect or separation
First sorry you are here. But now look what I picked out of your statement and bolded. Nothing wrong with a female MC counselor especially if you are the one pushing for MC. Your wife is likely more comfortable with a woman than a man as you point out. However, The fact that you are a man and relate better to women than men may be indicative of other issues however.
One book that is frequently recommended in this forum for men going through a crisis like you are is No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Robert Glover. Don't let the title fool you. It is a very good and profound read. One thing that Glover points out about "nice guys" is that they almost invariably have difficulty relating to other men. It's like their hallmark. Nice guys ultimately lose themselves in their efforts to please others. They are hollowed out inside from all the years of pleasing parents, teachers, spouses, etc. And ironically all that pleasing behavior fails to gain them what they think they wanted most of all in the first place. There is much more to it, but that is the nutshell message.
I recommend this to you because regardless of how your MC (and your marriage ) turns out you are going to be left with yourself. And while you many not be able to impact your marriage, you can change yourself which will change the dynamic of how your wife and others relate to you. Which may in the end be what you needed anyway. Just another perspective for you to think about.
Normally, this book is recommended to readily. In the case, I really do recommend it.