Thank you. I've already begun detaching from him because I've started to realize the problems HE has instead of me always feeling guilty and the one at fault. Recognizing what he does wrong in our marriage gave me the confidence to stand up for myself in ways I hadn't before.
Do you have any materials to recommend on how to further detach yourself from your spouse while working on your own behavior?
You can view the 180 rules and follow the ones that apply to you.
There is also neglect of the relationship while you focus on yourself. What I mean is create a happy, fulfilling life outside the relationship. It will hurt, the need to reinforce the bond will be strong. When your husband feels you pulling away, he has an instinctual need to pull you back and offers some incentives such as caring and attention. Then when he has you reconnected, he returns to old behavior. People often get stuck in a cycle and the positive changes they see offer them hope, but it tends to be just a cycle they are stuck in.
You want to see changes for a prolong period of time. Six months to a year for small to moderate change.
As for your own issues. It is small steps and goals to accomplish.
When he bombards you, walk away. Nothing will be accomplished during high levels of emotions. Learn about being mindful. Keep your thoughts in the here and now. Breathing exercises help regulate emotions such as anger. there is a change in how the body operates when one feels angry. By calming down the heart rate, blood pressure, it allows your use of judgement. You will still be angry, but you are more capable of thinking things out rationally.
Is your life mostly prioritize around his career? Can you actually be happy and okay with it? What about your own personal goals, do you always forgo your own goals over his? At the end of the day, and later on in life, would you be okay with the constant moves just for him?
By hfocusing primarily on his career, are you making yourself less independent?
So, a good place to start is asking yourself questions.