Marriage counseling 1st timers. - Talk About Marriage
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-15-2011, 10:48 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 104
Marriage counseling 1st timers.

So my W and I both see our own therapists. She for much longer than I have because she has been dealing with issues with her daughter's father. I have just recently started (4 visits) because our marriage was my biggest problem to work on. We are successfully working on our marriage right now, and I can see things improving. We have had an absolute awful year of loss, grief, lies, infidelity, family member's drug addiction, sexual abuse, family member's suicide attempt, illness, no-love, in-love, up and down...etc... I hate 2011 !!

But anyway both of our therapists think that we should seek marriage or couples counseling. My W and I spoke about this and she agreed too. However she has made no attempt to get us in to see somebody. Granted its only been a week or two that we thought we should go, but she hasn't brought it up. So in my last session I got about 6 names of people we could call. I showed me W the list and she was like ok.

I told her last night that I would call and get us in somewhere. I was wondering if anyone thought it would be alright if I asked her to do it? I want to know that she wants to go, and wants to work on the marriage. I mean I honestly believe she does, because she is improving lately along with my own improvements. Or is it something that she would just assume I make the call, find out when is good for her to go and book it? Like just take control. Problem is, she knows my work schedule is very standard 9-5, her days are very choppy, sometimes kids doctors' apts, sometimes her own therapy session, kid might have a half day at school. I thought a good way to get her to call and book us for a session would be to explain that she knows her schedule more than I do.

I don't want her to give me the "you're the one who put us in marriage therapy". If things don't work out good or something, or if she doesn't like it.

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-15-2011, 12:26 PM
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Connecticut, USA
Posts: 374
Re: Marriage counseling 1st timers.

It sounds like you both are on board with the MC. So, in my opinion, I don't think it should make a difference. If she seems unhappy or uncooperative with the MC you chose, then by all means throw it back in her court to make the next move. With me, I've brough home books, articles, names of MC and she's been a bit half-a$$ed with it. And when things get tense, she says we need to do MC. Now that I have given her the tel # and names of the ones I looked up, she hasn't raised this again. Hmmm.

So long as 'who the MC is' is not yet another problem that she's giving you to solve, I don't think it matters. Good luck.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-15-2011, 12:55 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 104
Re: Marriage counseling 1st timers.


Yes me too. I bring home books that I would like us to read together, activities like relationship tests, or just things to discuss and go over about our relationship. I could literally do things like this with her and work on our relationship each night. I sometimes feel that I am the one that is working the hardest in this. But I know she is working hard at other things. She fights depression and most of the day has to seem like a normal functioning adult and smile and talk and all that. And when she is home with me, shuts down and runs out of gas. So her working at that is hard work too, and she has been doing much much better as of late.

Its going to be funny if the therapist gives us something to try or fill out and I have been wanting to do that with her for some time, she'll probably do it because the doctor told us to.
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