My wife refuses to even consider... - Page 3 - Talk About Marriage
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post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:04 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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Originally Posted by AnotherBrickInTheWall View Post
I already said I wasn't looking for answers and have none to provide. I suppose I am venting and my wife carries my testicles around in her purse.

Sorry to be so disappointingly un-entertaining.
Why are you only venting, instead of looking for some answers? Life is too short to waste years of it.

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post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:07 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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I already said I wasn't looking for answers and have none to provide. I suppose I am venting and my wife carries my testicles around in her purse.

Sorry to be so disappointingly un-entertaining.
You asked for "Any suggestions? ". It is helpful to explicitly say Just Venting.
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post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:09 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

Definitely sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder.
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post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:10 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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Last edited by AnotherBrickInTheWall; 10-13-2016 at 06:57 PM. Reason: TMI
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post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:11 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

Can you edit out the GF and repost the picture of you and the puppy, since you think it is cute? That would show her that you have rights too, but that you respect marital boundaries regarding old girlfriends.

Get that counseling. Tell her that it is your business and your counselor's business what you talk about. I have dealt with something similar, except that my H doesn't want me to have a male counselor, or discuss anything that even borders on s*x. I agreed to that, have a female counselor, and can talk about anything I want.

Have you read Willard Harley's book, Love Busters? Another one to read is No More Mr. Nice Guy. You can download it for free. You don't have to create an account, to download it at the link below. To print it, you'll need to work with your program to move the text over a bit, to make a left border if you are going to bind it. Here is the link.

https://7chan.org/lit/src/Robert_Glo...r_Nice_Guy.pdf

Hold Onto Your Nuts, by Wayne Levine is also a good one. Maybe someone here has a link to a free download, or audio download where you don't have to sign in and give a credit card first??

She is disrespecting you, and treating you and the children like cr*p. When you find your boundaries and hold to them, she will either have to change, or you will decide you don't need her in your life. But first, you have to change and stop being afraid of her...even if your excuse is for the sake of peace.
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post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:20 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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Originally Posted by AnotherBrickInTheWall View Post
I already said I wasn't looking for answers and have none to provide.
That's too bad. There's a lot of excellent advice on this forum that would fix your situation if you actually TOOK it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherBrickInTheWall View Post
I suppose I am venting and my wife carries my testicles around in her purse.
No disagreement here. At least you are honest. I commend you for that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherBrickInTheWall View Post
Sorry to be so disappointingly un-entertaining.
I'm not here to be entertained. I'm on here like many others to help.

I just don't want to waste my time giving out advice that will fall on deaf ears.

I'd rather switch back to the light hearted humor from the first page.

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
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post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:25 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

Many personality disorders hide behind a M.D. or other professional certification. What better way to safely say everyone else but you has the problem?

If your wife is so smart, she should also know that psychiatrists have their own psychiatrist they see regularly, because it is impossible to process the emotional stress otherwise.

But she hasn't practiced in 15 years, so how can she know what's best?

I'd start recording her when she's being a shrew and play it back, but that's just me. I have zero tolerance for disrespectful behavior.


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post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:25 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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I think the environment of her youth was loud, everyone yells at everyone then everyone forgets what was said tomorrow. I grew up where if you got mad at a sibling you just didn't talk to them for a couple of years. So, night and day difference of upbringing.
In her upbringing, if they were open, truthful, kind with their words, forgiving, and humble in order to get along, that is healthy. If they were abusive, and rugswept, to get along, that is not healthy.

In your upbringing, not speaking for 2 years is not healthy. When people begin speaking again, do they address and resolve the initial reasons they stopped speaking addressed first, or is it rug swept? If it is rug-swept, and if your family are actually conflict avoiders, that would explain a lot.

It sounds like you are the typical "nice guy" that would benefit greatly from reading NMMNG and HOTUN. You will be a changed man after reading those books. You need to upset the balance, and take the power (over yourself) that you never had. You will like yourself better.
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post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:28 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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Ummm. I have ten years of education and three degrees in psychology . I'm pretty rational.

(That's what they all say )

The riff between medicine and psychology has been around for a while. It's not new. But in general MD's have a bit of the God complex so that won't change. They're the problem fixers.
@john117 is of course the exception. He's the most rational psychologist I have probably ever known.... Anywhere.

But he likes white cats...... So..... :-)


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post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 03:32 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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Definitely sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder.
Or NPD. Not sure there's as much difference as people think.

Now the cool questions. I'm guessing she's foreign educated but did not take / pass the FMG... 'cause photography doesn't pay here - and I know some pretty talented ones. Culture, Asian?

Who's making the money in the family? If you are, you generally have some power. If it's even, harder. Plus is your state divorce friendly?

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post #41 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 04:28 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

She needs to be reminded that a doctor does not diagnose them self or operate on them self.

You are not doing your kids any favor by having them subjected to her meanness and tantrums. All they have to do is talk to the school nurse or counselor and you'll have child services pounding on your door. Do you want to lose custody? Get a grip and insist she get help. Do what's right for your kids - protect them.
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post #42 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 05:03 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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@AnotherBrickInTheWall
Thank you for answering those questions.

I understand the importance of what your marriage vows mean to you.

Can you list the good in your marriage?
How is the physical/intimate part, does she ever like to give or receive affection?


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So I take it from no answer, that there is zero happiness or affectionate behaviour from this woman to you or your children.
Venting is fine, but know this, in the later years of your kids life, they will resent you for not giving them a better life.


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post #43 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 05:05 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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She needs to be reminded that a doctor does not diagnose them self or operate on them self.



You are not doing your kids any favor by having them subjected to her meanness and tantrums. All they have to do is talk to the school nurse or counselor and you'll have child services pounding on your door. Do you want to lose custody? Get a grip and insist she get help. Do what's right for your kids - protect them.


This.
Pulling hair and pinching and slapping isn't borderline abuse it is abuse.
You need counseling and she needs help.



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post #44 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 05:27 PM Thread Starter
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

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Last edited by AnotherBrickInTheWall; 10-13-2016 at 06:57 PM. Reason: TMI
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post #45 of 45 (permalink) Old 10-13-2016, 06:15 PM
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Re: My wife refuses to even consider...

If you didn't have children - this would be a perfectly acceptable posture.

But you do, so it isn't.



Quote:
Originally Posted by AnotherBrickInTheWall View Post
I already said I wasn't looking for answers and have none to provide. I suppose I am venting and my wife carries my testicles around in her purse.

Sorry to be so disappointingly un-entertaining.
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