Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy? - Talk About Marriage
Experiences in Counseling Have you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.

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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

Yes, I'm going to a therapist. I'm following my own advice and instead of incessantly hassling my husband with questions about how the world works, I've decided to pay for a therapist once a week.

Several sessions in, I'm starting to like her. I'm not sure what method of therapy she subscribes to, but it does make me wonder if in general in this profession there is some agreement that saying nothing while a patient goes on and on for 45 minutes (or whatever they call an hour) is no a good idea.

She does actually giver her opinion when I ak for it and when I ask her about her collective experience with her other patients, she does give a seemingly reasonable answer.

I've never understood these therapy methods in which the therapist says nothing 95% of the time.

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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 02:55 PM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

The methods of therapy/counseling in which the therapist/counselor just listens comes from Freud. He was a man who had problems with interacting with people. So his method of therapy was to just let the patient raddle on and give no input. His idea was that the patient would find their own path.. probably inspired by their subconscious.

However, after years of doing things Freud's way, therapist found that most patients just spend years going over he same thing over and over and never go any significant resolution. And insurance companies got tired of paying for something that solved nothing.

Today, most therapists/counselors use something called Cognitive Therapy and/or behavior therapy. The idea is to not ruminate over all the bad things in your life. Instead to come up with the solution you want and to then work to get to that solution by changing your behavior. It works in a relatively short time. And when a person changes their behavior, most of the pesky things that used to bother go poof.

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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 03:00 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

Just like a friend of mine who was working an a PhD in psychology, she told me that a lot of people in her profession did not like "assertiveness training" because it appeared to give people a quick fix.

I took one and liked it a lot. It did help me to minimise self belittling behaviour.

And for the price of an adult course at the local community center, it was a bargain.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-23-2016, 04:18 PM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

I am not sure what school of thought your therapist subscribes to, but for me, the most therapeutic part of therapy is just hearing myself talk. I have a forum to unleash, and the best therapist is the one who sits quietly, completely uncritical observing. Then at the right moment asks a question about something I said, that makes me rethink what I had thought more clearly. I have had some of my best break throughs in those types of situations.

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 11-24-2016, 06:40 PM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

@NextTimeAround - no advice other than I admire you seeking therapy and am considering counseling (can't afford it at the moment but soon will). Did a brief counseling course when I was very young (too young really) and I remember being told to listen and repeat back what has been said to us...which struck me as annoying....but actually makes sense. Validation and acceptance. That is how I feel, someone has replayed those feelings back to me in a slightly different way = I see things from a third party perspective (as opposed to that negative internal dialogue that interprets our feelings in such a destructive way).

@EleGirl - Ordered that book - looks good. We NEED a book review thread - not sure how that would work.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 04:38 AM Thread Starter
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

yesterday, I had a session with my therapist. This is what annoys me about them.

I mentioned that I have put forward some complaints about my experience as an officer in a non-profit. I know that the chair is crossing into verboten territory with a few things, ie, encouraging people to run for officer even though they have said they will not do the minimum to comply, that is, to register on the org's database which does not incur a charge.

Also, as the chair agreed to continue the monthly activity that I introduced, she expressed some opinions on the event announcement which is also org policy.

I sent 3 country officers an e-mail on 21 Dec to give them a heads up. I heard nothing from until 6th Jan when I reminded them that an activity was coming up this week and she would most likely make similar announcements about running for local offices.

So I sent another e-mail, that was Friday and said that if I did not hear from anyone from Sunday, then I would take the matter to the international level. I got a response in 20 minutes.

I asked the therapist what did she think of that. Oh, maybe they're she said. I told her that everybody is busy all the time. Did she have any other ideas? Did she have strategies to get people out of that "I'm busy mode" without having to make threats.

She said she didn't have any suggestions.

That was one of those moments when I ask myself, what am I paying her for?
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:24 AM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

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Originally Posted by NextTimeAround View Post
yesterday, I had a session with my therapist. This is what annoys me about them.

I mentioned that I have put forward some complaints about my experience as an officer in a non-profit. I know that the chair is crossing into verboten territory with a few things, ie, encouraging people to run for officer even though they have said they will not do the minimum to comply, that is, to register on the org's database which does not incur a charge.

Also, as the chair agreed to continue the monthly activity that I introduced, she expressed some opinions on the event announcement which is also org policy.

I sent 3 country officers an e-mail on 21 Dec to give them a heads up. I heard nothing from until 6th Jan when I reminded them that an activity was coming up this week and she would most likely make similar announcements about running for local offices.

So I sent another e-mail, that was Friday and said that if I did not hear from anyone from Sunday, then I would take the matter to the international level. I got a response in 20 minutes.

I asked the therapist what did she think of that. Oh, maybe they're she said. I told her that everybody is busy all the time. Did she have any other ideas? Did she have strategies to get people out of that "I'm busy mode" without having to make threats.

She said she didn't have any suggestions.

That was one of those moments when I ask myself, what am I paying her for?
Therapists don't have the answers to everything. She can work on your personal problems but not your business problems. Maybe your colleagues should pay her to determine why they can't respond to other people's requests in a timely fashion.

The best she can do is help you deal with those (lack of) responses.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 11:35 AM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

I am in marriage counseling with my husband. At our first session the therapist said..."We are going to take turns driving this bus, but ultimately we are going to go where you lead us.". I was a little concerned about that, but our therapist has ALWAYS maintained the aura of "I am leading" and we are comfortable following as he guides us along.

When you come in for your session how does it begin? Does the therapist lead you in asking questions or do you just begin to talk about what's going on (like a paid vent-session)? I like to believe that in therapy you are paying a professional to help you with situations that your friends and loved ones aren't qualified to- such as trauma or anxiety/ depression, ect. It seems like, by the example you gave, that you are bringing things into therapy that could be better solved elsewhere? Do you have access to professional development organizations in your area? I am a NP Executive Director and I deal with things like you outlined all the time. I go to monthly meetings with other EDs where we compare notes and help one another. Just an idea!

Kudos to you for seeking to better yourself. I'm disappointed that your therapist isn't doing more to drive the bus. Maybe next session try to let her lead? Just an idea
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 12:02 PM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

Why don't you ask her?

The background of and the "who" the therapist is always come into any therapy. From what I read to many, perhaps the majority, are dealing with their own issues and using their pratice as a form of therapy for themselves. So ask her who she has found influences her. Ask for a list of books to read. I would be very curious as to what she says.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 01:03 PM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

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Originally Posted by EleGirl View Post
The methods of therapy/counseling in which the therapist/counselor just listens comes from Freud. He was a man who had problems with interacting with people. So his method of therapy was to just let the patient raddle on and give no input. His idea was that the patient would find their own path.. probably inspired by their subconscious.

However, after years of doing things Freud's way, therapist found that most patients just spend years going over he same thing over and over and never go any significant resolution. And insurance companies got tired of paying for something that solved nothing.

Today, most therapists/counselors use something called Cognitive Therapy and/or behavior therapy. The idea is to not ruminate over all the bad things in your life. Instead to come up with the solution you want and to then work to get to that solution by changing your behavior. It works in a relatively short time. And when a person changes their behavior, most of the pesky things that used to bother go poof.
@EleGirl pretty much hit the nail on the head. The old school way of lay on the couch and just ramble on is mostly a thing of the past.


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Why don't you ask her?

The background of and the "who" the therapist is always come into any therapy. From what I read to many, perhaps the majority, are dealing with their own issues and using their pratice as a form of therapy for themselves. So ask her who she has found influences her. Ask for a list of books to read. I would be very curious as to what she says.

You have no idea. I married an LPC, so I get to hear and see a lot of things "behind the curtain." Part of what you have read is so true.

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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-12-2017, 10:17 PM
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Re: Has there been a general shift in counseling / therapy?

Yea I know, physician heal thy self! The big issue is not that they have issues, it is that they seek, knowingly or not knowingly, answers for there issues onto you. Remember the tale of the fox with no tail?

If I recall part of the reason, which is actually good, for therapists to just listen was to avoid the problem of undue influence.

How to deal with an unrepentant spouse: an Irish person can tell a person to go to hell and have them so excited at the prospect they demand to know when, where the train is leaving and how to get a ticket. Then offer them a loan to get the ticket and a ride to the train station. Be Irish
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