Why men avoid marriage counseling... - Page 2 - Talk About Marriage
Experiences in Counseling Have you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.

User Tag List

 11Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #16 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-21-2017, 01:34 AM
Member
 
tigerlily99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 129
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

When my H and I went to MC we had a really good experience. Our counselor seemed to really have a gift for addressing both of our needs and also to call out the areas that needed work with straightforwardness and humor. She had been doing it for 30 years though so I think we were blessed or lucky that we found her.
She helped us both a lot. (We were dealing with my EA and H didn't want to D but he didn't know how to get through it.)
That was 4 years ago and we are doing well in our R. We give her a lot of credit for helping us see things we needed to see.
But I personally give H even more credit for being willing to stay with me and work things out!

tigerlily99 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #17 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 04:30 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: California
Posts: 2,472
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

Men avoid marriage counselling as they assume they will be blamed. Women like it for the same reason.

If you cannot make it work, that chances of the third party being able to help. I recall from relationship break-ups, you could talk and talk, but once she was dumped she would want to listen. Of course, had she been willing to listen in the first place we would not have broken up.

MC was great for me, but only because we did it in Denmark with a Danish counselor. They have the same expectations of men and women, so my wifes assumptions made her jaw drop on occasion (and she promptly closed it again to look neutral). That reassured me that I was the sane one.

We briefly went with a an English one afterwards, who was keen to declare me the devil himself as my wife felt pressured to contribute to the marriage.
Mr The Other is online now  
post #18 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 07:12 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 2,392
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

Went once with my wife, but the counselor really didn't have anything useful to add. We were there over a disagreement on whether or not to have children and the counselor really did't have much to suggest - we were both being rational, just disagreed.
uhtred is offline  
 
post #19 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 07:56 PM
Member
 
katiecrna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,467
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

I think counseling can be great but at the right time and for the right reasons. When one person wants a divorce and seeks therapy as a last stitch resort I don't think it's very helpful. I think therapy is good when you sense problems arising and want nip it in the butt and address it there.
Many people tell me that they wish they went to MC sooner, that maybe then their marriage was fixable. When you don't fix problems and fine tune things they grow and become huge problems. Resentment sets in, and one person just gives up because there are just too many issues to overcome it's not worth it. But at one time, the couple was happy and the issues were less. So to go from that to divorce perhaps means that there wasn't enough fine tuning along the way. Who knows.
katiecrna is offline  
post #20 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-23-2017, 07:57 PM
Member
 
katiecrna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,467
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

I don't want a divorce, my husband doesn't want a divorce. But I am requesting MC because we don't communicate well, and my goal is that we can find someone that can give us the right tools and understanding to help us communicate better. Before it gets any worse.
katiecrna is offline  
post #21 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-30-2017, 02:19 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Location: SouthWest
Posts: 403
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

My experience was I just paid to have my STBXW tell me all my issues and give me no chance to talk and then refuse to go to another session, she has told me since she is sorry for her part but never actually told me what her part was.

I think there comes a certain point where its too late and some spouses just go to say "i did everything i could' or I tried so hard' to help there conscience or to be able to show other people they 'tried'.

If you are having some communication issues and both want to work it out then maybe it could be a good thing, but I have not had a good experience.

M - 12
Kids - 2
MovingForward is online now  
post #22 of 22 (permalink) Old 03-31-2017, 11:07 PM Thread Starter
Registered User
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 25
Re: Why men avoid marriage counseling...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Almost-Done View Post
We've all been there. However, my wife never openly threatened divorce. I did, however, tell her if we cannot work things out and act like husband and wife, a divorce is most certainly going to happen. I commend you (and your wife) for seeing that she was causing the issues and is working on herself and the marriage to try and repair it. It's very rare that a woman in crisis will realize there part of the marital breakdown and attempt to fix it. That is a huge sign. Wish I had that instead of a cold, resentful angry woman.

All in all, you have hope in saving your marriage.
Oh my wife threatened divorce but instead of chasing her like I used to it was OK with letting her go. I was willing to work things out but I was done feeling like I was the only one that wanted it. After 9 months of in home separation, which I think was easier on my than it was for her, she came back we had a looking talk and we've been working on repairing our marriage ever since. I don't feel like the only one that wants to be married anymore. It's been over a year since we decided to reconcile and we're still working on repairing the damage but we're finally working together and I'm ok with it. If she stops and I have to start basically begins her to work with me then I'm calling it quits. I think she knows this.

Sent from my SM-G928T using Tapatalk
xxxSHxYZxxx is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Counseling questions Individual and Marriage happydad General Relationship Discussion 1 12-07-2016 05:52 PM
Marriage counseling... For one? TX-SC General Relationship Discussion 3 11-15-2016 11:30 AM
Why (seemingly) women more pro marriage than men? morituri The Men's Clubhouse 11 11-01-2016 04:12 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome