Experiences in CounselingHave you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.
How can I ever get help? I have a marriage that is destroyed, my life is overwhelming, I became disabled a few years ago, my children are suffering, and I don't know how to get help. I wish I could sort it all out but I can't do it alone. Is there any help pro-bono through qualified people? I would really like to work with someone on line, even forum style would be fine. I just don’t have a way to pay
Typically there is a clinic in town that will see you on an income based or sliding scale. Start making calls and have your disability paperwork with you. You'll have to pay something but it probably won't be too much. Call your local DCS/Medicaid office and they can probably help you. Posted via Mobile Device
Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately I live in a very small town and there are no services near by -the closest being 40 minutes by car and I am unable to drive. I would like to be able to find something on line perhaps - do you have any recommendations for that? Also I don't currently qualify for disability insurance, as I am still married. My husbands income just goes over the amount allowed. If we do separate that will obviously change, but for now we are still trying - its ugly as all heck - but we are trying.
If your husband's income is just over the limit, then you need to look at the fine print on what is income. Look closely at allowed deductions on any application and in an organizational guidebook to which you are applying.
Typically, you might have out of pocket medical expenses, mileage and tolls and parking for medical and health visits, including to pharmacy, phone calls that are long distance for medical appts or consultations, and maybe more. Including the health care insurance premium that you're currently paying or is deducted from pay.
So, suppose you do get an appt and it's 40 minutes away. Start calling around places like hospitals that have social workers and ask to be referred to a place that offers volunteer driving for health care or other visits. Call a place like Easter Seals which will often make home visits.
If you cannot do this then the alternative is to wait until things get so bad that someone else has to take over. At that point you'll have lost your voice.
Bootstraps are there. Pull them up and take very small steps. Make a list and start checking them off. When my kids were on Medicaid and I wanted them to be able to see a dentist, I got a list from the Medicaid office and started calling around. I got to the bottom of a 30-practice list and hit pay dirt. The practice was Gold-standard, no discrimination, my kids were treated like royalty, and me too. We still go there and pay cash now even though we're about 60 miles away, it's that good of a place.
Excuses are not going to get you what you need. You have a computer and that's a start. Make some lists and every day now that is your job. Keep calling. Start a notebook and keep track of who you speak to, suggestions that they give you. Keep track of what it is you need, be keep your eyes and ears open for other things that might be helpful.
You don't say how old you are but there are service organizations that are funded by the federal government to help you navigate the various programs that might be available in your area. Typically these are found in the printed yellow papers, if you're still lucky enough to receive actual phone books. Also, be prepared to sacrifice what you conceive of as pride and privacy. But also be prepared to find dignity in being able to advocate so doggedly for yourself and your family. It's way better than pride.
All I can offer is support. I, too, became disabled 3.5 years ago and unable to collect for the exact same reason as you. Therapy is very expensive, especially with today's insurance policies. We were paying 2,000 a month out of pocket last year, this year is not any better. I don't know your injury or reason for your disability, but I can sympathize with you. I live in 24/7 pain.
I do consider myself lucky. I have a great pain management clinic and husband. If you ever need to talk, you can always pm me.
Now I have a massive kidney infection. I was at the hospital for 3 nights, looks like I'm going back in tonight. If you decide to pm me, I might not get back right away. I'm right here if you need to talk. Posted via Mobile Device
I should have more explicit about the finances; after all the deductions etc, I still do not qualify, and we are facing bankruptcy at the same time. I am not attempting to make excuses - I don’t think. I looked into disability a couple of years ago when I unexpectedly became disabled. I am really sorry if I do sound like I am just whining or giving up excuses. We have paid out of pocket thousands of dollars for medical expenses for my condition and at this time there is no cure. I have monthly medical expenses that leave nothing left over for any extra’s. We yard-sales or my four children’s clothing, which, thankfully, the kids are great about.
I just want to try and fix myself! We are going to try to go to a Marriage therapist for both of us. We can’t pay for that (and it will only be on a limited basis) and for me to talk regularly to someone. I don’t have the ability to drive, my husband can’t time off work too often - because he does all the work around the house as well - so there is no time for him drive me around. I don’t mind using public transport. But It would mean having someone watch the children though, as well it would increase my pain (activity level increase the pain level of my medical condition), which in turn would put me in bed for what ever remainder of the day there would be and I would be inaccessible for the family which puts a very large emotional burden on everyone.
Please don’t think I an upset or arguing with you - I am all for pulling up my boot straps! But I am just desperate at this time to try and make my marriage work out and I know I have personal issues that I could be working on with a therapist. Due to my situation I thought an on-line therapist would be ideal and most helpful to me, or a group of knowledgeable people that could give me feedback on what I have been through and need to work on. With this website I have had a hard time narrowing down where to put my topics - but I hope to meet some people yet!
Thank you both - I would love to keep up the communication inlove - I hope you are on the mend soon? And thank you homemaker, I had no idea about the federal programs - I will look at that - in my 2009 phone book! Since when did they stop handing out phone books by the way? I just noticed that yesterday when I went looking for therapists in my area. It was ridiculous - all the numbers for my little teeny tiny town were disconnected (obviously it had been sometime since I’ve used a phone book!)
How about a church?
Many churches provide marriage counseling.
You don't necessarily need to be a member.
And some churches do not push religion, they are just advocates of peace and harmony, which usually starts at home.
It would be a start.
The other option is to do a bootstrap program and to just agree to do it yourselves. That in itself would be therapeutic, doing something together.
Oh, is there a college nearby or university that has a counseling/psychology school? It can be real cheap there without much of a loss in quality (if any!)
Are your kids school age? Are your problems at home causing them to have issues at school? Then getting help from a school program might be a way to start as well.
Churches are a great idea! Thank you for that I plan on following up on that today as much as my pain will allow. I overdid yesterday with all my typing (my condition affects the use of my arms - so the more I research one line the more pain I am in) but I found some websites that I really want to look further into about my own issues. Hopefully the further I address my own issues the easier it will be to deal with our marriage issues and maybe husband will see eventually that he really does have his own issues. I really like the church idea. We have about 5 churches in our small town and while were not members of any I would hope maybe one would be helpful. I am sure that I could drive that short of a distance in the next couple of days if I just take it easy one day.
Unfortunately no colleges nearby. And yes, our behavior/difficulties have reflected in the behavior of at least one of our children. Our teen went from Honor role to failing and basically get kicked out of one of his classes in one month. Part of that is his teen rebellion, part of its his RAD/ODD, but sadly we/i am to blame for the tension and disagreements in the household. But at this point today he has brought back all grads and we have had him correct his behavior, so I don't think there is much the school could. Also, it is such a small school there are very few programs. He is in fact a gate student and the year he qualified for the program - they cut it! aarghhh!
I am soo, sooo, soooo thankful you are corresponding with me. I is very helpful. I came to the realization a few years ago that I have not maintained ANY deep friendships over the past 7 years. Once I brought in my adopted kids and life became complete chaos, I accidentally isolated myself. It got even harder when my 4 child was born - that was when my marriage began to fail. So Now that i realize I have done that - its another thing I have to work on!
Hey, if your kids are adopted, why not contact the agency or organization you used to adopt them and see if the agency can help out with this?
#1 thing in life is to ask for help.
#2 thing is to allow others the opportunity to give to you if that is what they are called to do.
You might also be able to ask for grant funding from an 'angel' donor from the adoption agency, or maybe even just start calling around to places that handle adoption or have any kind of grant funding or donor base/endowments for family resiliency/stability.
Keep trying, and praying and being open to sidedoor solutions, so to speak, is helpful, even though it kind of feels like doing nothing, being still is good, so that you can process the solution as it evolves.
I need a therapist -but can't pay for one! 
