So, I talked about the main issue here: It didn't used to be like this!
I got really upset with him on Valentine's Day. I got all dressed up in high-heel leather boots and a miniskirt with red lipstick and pigtails, figuring that it would be a 'sure thing' and we'd have sex. (Sex on Valentine's Day is like a law, right??
) Well, at 9:30pm after our date he declares he is tired and drops me off at home! We wound up in an argument about it afterwards; he insisted he didn't think I wanted "to be intimate" because we had gotten into an argument the day before. Something just kind of switched in me after years of trying to get our sex life back and feeling unwanted. Suddenly, I just didn't even want to see his face, much less subject myself to any more pity sex born of his feelings of obligation.
I have only seen him twice since Valentine's Day because I just wanted the space. I will be meeting him tomorrow for our first couples therapy appointment. I'm nervous. I don't know what to expect in the first session. I don't know if she can help us. How can I ever get my confidence back around him? Ugh.
He insists that he desires me and thinks about sex with me regularly and misses the sex life we had, but his actions over the past few years have spoke louder to me. His indifference towards sex has made me feel hopeless.
I don't know what I'm looking for here. Has anyone tried therapy for something like this? Is there hope? I don't know. Any advice or works of encouragement and comfort are appreciated.