Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Adirondack region of New York
Re: How to pick a therapist?
Frankly, if your wife is satisfied with either a psychologist or therapist she sees herself, it is helpful for you to see someone by yourself, too. A good therapist, psychologist or otherwise (as previously noted can be found using the PsychologyToday listing in your area), will help you with you, not just talk about your wife. It takes a gifted & rare professional to see each of you alone without inadvertently taking emotional sides.
But, while this is happening, we at our clinic favor that you would both see a trained couples therapist simultaneously, rather than after the individual therapy may be concluded. To find someone in that area, the discipline they are in (e.g., psychology, mental health counseling, pastoral counseling, clinical social work) is actually less meaningful than whether they are trained and experienced in couples work. Some of the better ones have clinical membership in AAMFT.
For that I would suggest that you ask another person you trust for a name--ask your doctor, a close friend, or maybe someone you know has gone to couples counseling. AAMFT also provides a therapist directory of its members by geography, much like Psychology Today's clearinghouse website for therapists in general.
Seeing and individual and a couples counselor each week, or biweekly, will help you reach the issues with more intensity, clarity, and with less skew as to the relationship. While your wife apparently has some of her own struggles, it usually requires both partners to change aspects of themselves or their behaviors to adjust a marriage.
Olsen & Stephens--"Couples' Survival Workbook"