The therapist sucks, now what? - Talk About Marriage
Experiences in Counseling Have you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.

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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-24-2012, 08:37 PM Thread Starter
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The therapist sucks, now what?

19 months ago I decided to call a MC, I had given my husband a good month and a half to find one but he couldn't. It was a way of him trying to get out of it.
He had once again gotten seriously drunk, went to a strip club, blew $6k, lied to me and everyone, he searched for prostitutes on his phone, called one, says nothing happened...., then police came and took him to the hospital at the club for being belligerent. I found out most of the information on my own. He til this day, says he does not 'remember', and doesn't know a lot of things. This is not his first time doing thing or using those excuses. Moving on,

The therapist I found began seeing us for MC, they then suggested he see them individually, and then within a month I started seeing them on my own too bc I had an anxiety disorder that was worsening.
Shortly thereafter, she began suggesting that I have a child with him. I pointed out that I was not done with college and that I would have no means of supporting myself were he to leave me or vice versa. I had also recently miscarried prior to what he did, about a few weeks before.
They suggested we go on vacation, they suggested he spend $6k on me so that I would not say that he spent more money on strange women than he did on me, they told me that my anxiety would not worsen if I got pregnant, instead it would get 'better' bc of the 'hormones and stuff', they said i should 'move on' and would frequently ask if I would rather be 'happy or right'. Which, I don't see why I can't have both. They discouraged me from asking questions about what happened, frequently telling me it was in the 'past', but I would say that if he 'doesn't know' why he did it, then obviously he would be bound to repeat it, as he had done.
When he would not answer my questions in therapy, she would say, 'He doesn't remember' sometimes that happens when you drink, thus encouraging his lies. She would hint at things such as, maybe he is going out to seek things that aren't right at home, then she would add, 'I'm not saying this is happening in your case, but sometimes men do that", and other things along those lines. When I lost another pregnancy, all I was told was that I would not get hw that week because I was grieving. My feelings were not discussed.
I started to tell my sister about this, as well as my other friend. I can't say I know everything but this advice does NOT seem right.
In the end I stopped going because I was tired of being asked about a baby all the time. Instead of her nagging him about fixing his drinking and sexual issues, she would nag me about having a baby, and tell me that would fix things?!?! huh? Isn't that something you would see on tv? I had a baby to fix him and he didn't change so now I'm a single mom who can't support herself. I mean, that's what would've happened to me had I heeded their stupid advice.

I feel that I sought professional help and was highly let down. I think that since I have decided I've had enough of his crap I want to get divorced. I am 27, and have no children, I just graduated college, I am not an alcoholic nor do I have a drug problem. I simply have stress related problems, such as an anxiety disorder, IBS, frequent headaches and migraines. I believe my stress comes from him.

In another forum I was advised to seek a Chemical dependency counselor in order to help me because I've lived with him for so long. What should I do?
Should I seek a psychiatrist/psychologist/ chemical dep. counselor/ another therapist?
I just think I am going to need help resolving issues that will most likely come up in the divorce.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-24-2012, 08:51 PM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

Wow! That is bad. I believe I would see about reporting her to the state licensing board.

As far as for your own well-being, find a good individual therapist. You're going to need one to undo the damage caused by the first one. I kind of had to do that also.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-24-2012, 08:55 PM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

It certainly sounds like you got a very very biased therapist with lousy judgment skills and no sensitivity to both sides, i.e., to YOUR particular position.
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 11-24-2012, 09:13 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

The funny thing is she would sometimes say to me, "I am not taking his side." I am glad I am smarter than that. I can see how it is easy for her to practice while at the same time being so bad at it, she is her own boss, lol. My insurance covers many different types of therapists, I want to see one before I start the divorce process so that I can get advice before I lose my insurance.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2012, 07:31 AM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

Did our therapist suck too? My ex and I were getting on real well for the past 6 months. We have two kids. We even went on holiday together. No intimacy but it was nice. She said she didnt fancy me any more but would love a miracle as we get on well im a good dad and the kids love me. We agreed to go to mc knowing we had an uphill struggle. On the firts and only session the mc asked if we were fully comitted? Like we would be there if we both were. Anyway i said yes and she (honestly) said no but she would love if it worked. Tjhe mc said we werent ready for counselling. Bang that was the end of it. Im not in a position to tell her i think this expert is wrong. it would be an example of me not acceopting the reality of our situation. with christmas so close and us having kids ive just gone back to being a good dad. im devestated. i really think if we didnt go to counselling or got another counsellor we had a chance.
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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-15-2012, 09:07 PM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

Try a diff. counselor (one who specializes in helping women, maybe). I would not worry about an addiction specialist, just see how you feel about a regular old counselor.

Your stress symptoms may clear up considerably (or totally) when you get away from your BS'ing, cheating Husband. Mine did! I feel better, sleep better, am excited about possibilities again!

Run like hell! The sooner you get away, the sooner you'll start to feel considerably better - like your old self!
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-16-2012, 12:41 AM Thread Starter
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

Yes, I am looking for a new therapist for myself. I can't give up on myself. As for him? He's his own problem now.
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-26-2012, 12:44 PM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

I can tell you from my experience, that there are good and bad MC's, there are pro-marriage and those from the divorce mindset.

We get out of MC what we put into it, and need to sometime just listen than talk. A good therapist understands this and is only guiding the discussion.

Both H&W should agree on the MC.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-26-2012, 04:07 PM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by This is me View Post
I can tell you from my experience, that there are good and bad MC's, there are pro-marriage and those from the divorce mindset.

We get out of MC what we put into it, and need to sometime just listen than talk. A good therapist understands this and is only guiding the discussion.

Both H&W should agree on the MC.
I would be so upset to find out I've been spending time and $$ on a counselor that wasn't pro-mariage. I'd think that whenever the D word was brought up in counseling, it would either be time for another counselor or to have a serious talk with the wife if she didn't want to switch counselors.
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-27-2012, 11:05 PM
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Re: The therapist sucks, now what?

Everyone agrees that in a dysfunctional marriage, you should try to solve the problems first, and not have a child.

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