Re: Couples Counseling- Same or Separate
Actually, it's not weird. Individual counseling and couple counseling require different skills. Most of those trained in IC only will take on couples just to get the business. They do a great disservice to couples.
Find a counselor or therapist who is trained in marital issues. Your individual counselors are not as interested in making your relationship work as they are in your individual functioning, and so place relationship issues secondary. Her IC isn't going to help your relationship, and could hurt it. Same goes for your IC.
You say she is in an emotional affair. That may mean there is something you are not providing that she needs, and so she is getting that/those need(s) met elsewhere. You might want to read "His Needs, Her Needs" by Willard Harley.
Just a guess on my part, but since you are not married, it could be commitment that she needs from you.