Well I think first and foremost, if your wife thinks there is still a reason for the two of you to be in counseling, then it's pretty likely there is a reason for you to be too. I can think of no bigger disconnect between two people than one spouse thinking MC is needed and one thinking it isn't.
That said, I think it is reasonable to come up with goals - preferably together, but if needed you can do it as a boundary - for what you need out of MC.
I don't think you should push your wife where she doesn't want to go, but rather something like, "If we haven't resumed our sex life in (your timeframe here), you are either going to have to move out, I will file for divorce, or we come up with an alternate acceptable way to get my sexual needs met."
If you don't do something like that, the therapist will be happy to keep taking your money and your wife will be happy to keep pushing you away, since she apparently is happy without sex.
I hear what you are stating in your first paragraph in regards to if my wife thinks we should still be in counseling we probably should still be in counseling. Here is a rundown of our last session.
- I assume we are there to discuss how my wife is healing from all of this.
- We then get to the topic of her stating how I was angry/frustrated Sunday morning, but then turned it around later that afternoon. This got us on the topic of what was the cause of this. So, we discussed why I appeared in a bad mood that morning. I don't think that has any relevance on anything, but go along with it.
- Then the topic turns to me being needy and needing to admit it. Because I feel that my wife and I should be having sex again (It's been since Feb), that I'm needy. She has this feeling that if we have sex again, I will go back to treating her like I did and not care for her emotional needs again. I try to say that there is only one way to find out. She doesn't buy that. Her and our MC feel I should be happy and good with not having sex in the past 10 months and not seeing a light as to when we may resume again.
I can't push her or even bring up the subject of resuming our sex life, because then she tells me she feels like I just want her body again and nothing else. It is one big vicious circle. So giving her a deadline will result in nothing but ending the whole thing unfortunately.
Luckily the therapist has finally seen that he feels going to these weekly sessions is just wasting our money and decided that we should do every other week for a bit starting after new years. This just got me fuming after we scheduled the january appointments, because I feel like my wife will do nothing until then because she sees a need for another month plus of counseling.