Re: Wife won't ever get counseling...now what
I think it is fair to say, "I am not happy with where we are at. I want us very much to work on the marriage. I have asked you before to go to counseling. It is very important to me, and since things haven't changed at all since I asked you said no, I think we are at a crossroads. I think we either need to go to counseling and talk through our issues or I think we need to talk to an attorney about ending the marriage."
Put the ball in her court. Don't threaten, but lay it out there in a calm way. Be prepared to follow through on either account though.
I do agree with Pink though that there's a good chance the counseling may not be helpful if she is completely resistant to it. But there is a chance that she doesn't realize you feel like things are as bad as they are.
Good luck to you.
~ChangingMe, former wayward wife
Thankfully still married to DevastatedDad
We cannot start over, but we can begin now, and make a new ending. -Zig Ziglar