If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean? - Talk About Marriage
Experiences in Counseling Have you been through professional marriage or relationship counseling? Are you considering it? This section is for topics related to seeing a therapist.

User Tag List

 3Likes
  • 2 Post By scatty
  • 1 Post By unbelievable
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 05:38 PM Thread Starter
Member
 
SepticChange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 606
If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

I've read discussions here and there and heard different friends points of view on the matter. A lot of times it's one partner who is all hung-ho on seeking help and the other is resistant, typically the one who helped create many of the problems in that relationship. Does that mean that the guilty party doesn't want to admit their wrongdoings because of pride? Or is it just a case of "it's nobody's business to say what goes on in our marriage?" Just interested in knowing what other's takes are on this.

SepticChange is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 10:23 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 6,100
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

I was the guilty party and I resisted therapy. My reasons were I thought it was a sign of weakness, thought we could fix it ourselves and was just generally naive about what therapy actually was.
Mavash. is offline  
post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 03-30-2013, 10:41 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 662
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

My H reluctantly went to two MC sessions with me at my bidding...the aftermath after each was awful. After the first one he broke down and act completely devastated and scared that I would leave him if he didn't "do better" even if he really tried, then the next time he got angry and said the therapist was worthless, and he doesn't subscribe to the pop psychology psychobabble about feelings and compromise. Then he said therapy is expensive and if I wanted to drag him somewhere just to make him feel like crap, we can stay home and do that for free. He refuses to go back. He refuses to "let" me go on my own. He refuses to discuss our problems anymore. He believes our problems are a product of my imagination and/or desire to dwell on the negatives and refusal to see the good.
Waking up to life is offline  
 
post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-01-2013, 10:44 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 102
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

It could mean that the other partner doesn't feel like airing out everything to a 3rd party is the way to solve anything. It could also mean that he/she isn't comfortable sharing their emotions with others also. I was adamant about not wanting to go to counseling because I felt it was a waste of money and felt we could work things out on our own.

I'm currently in counseling with my wife because she insisted we go, and I could tell that things were not going to get better if I didn't give in to this one.
TryingandFrustrated is offline  
post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-01-2013, 11:19 PM
Member
 
scatty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Southeast Massachusetts USA
Posts: 351
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

It means they are weak. Only the strong ask for help, from what I've seen. The weak continue to deny, and even twist reality to their liking.
scatty is offline  
post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-02-2013, 08:29 AM
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 102
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

Quote:
Originally Posted by scatty View Post
It means they are weak. Only the strong ask for help, from what I've seen. The weak continue to deny, and even twist reality to their liking.
Quite the generalization there, isn't it? Can't people get help in different ways other than MC? While in MC I've probably read 30-40 different relationship books. My wife who wanted MC, she has read 1. I think people can get help however they feel it will help them most. Just because someone doesn't believe in therapy doesn't necessarily mean they are weak.
TryingandFrustrated is offline  
post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-11-2013, 09:58 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mars
Posts: 132
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

I've been going for years. I've asked my husband to go more times than I can count. He went one time and it was painful to watch. I give him credit for trying but if he's not open to the process, it's pointless. My therapist has even reached out to him a few times. He's either not willing or not capable of opening up to a stranger. I don't know. He knows it helps me and he loves to hear about my appointments. When I first started going he hated it. He even accused me of messing around with the therapist. He came around though. Now when my crazy comes out, he tells me to call my therapist.
Flygirl is offline  
post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-11-2013, 10:19 PM
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 17,205
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

The one refusing help doesn't believe the one asking will actually leave or they want them to.
unbelievable is offline  
post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-13-2013, 11:10 AM
Member
 
Maneo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 1,057
If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

There are a number of reasons why someone is reluctant to go to counseling. Simply assuming to know or generalizing and attaching that generalization as the reason is dangerous and can cause more damage.

If the reluctant person can't or won't say why counseling is a no, then it would be advisable to look for multiple clues that might indicate why before jumping to a conclusion.
Maneo is offline  
post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 04-17-2013, 02:42 PM
Member
 
growtogether's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Michigan,USA
Posts: 209
Re: If one partner refuses therapy, what does it mean?

You know they can be a lot of reasons behind someone's decision, and most of the time is a lake of understanding and judging the offer service (counseling, therapy, life coaching...).
I think the better thing to do before bringing the idea of consulting for help, is to know the information about the service.
-What is it?
-What are its benefits?
-What would we get from this experience?
Just have an open mind when you talk about it. You don't need his/her commitment to go for a session, just talk and explore the subject.
What about reading articles from those professionals to give you an idea?
Here's an example of one where you can have a better understanding before making a decision.

How relationship coaching can help me!?


www.toprelationshipcoaching.com
Five frogs are sitting on a log. Four decide to jump off. How many are left? Still 5 frogs because there’s a difference between deciding and doing.
To get what you want, take action!
growtogether is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in









Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Uptight male partner, crazy over sexual female partner LoveYourself Sex in Marriage 17 08-22-2012 11:45 PM
Im am hurting in my relationship, but my partner just refuses to see it anonymoususer General Relationship Discussion 7 12-04-2011 04:21 PM
What to do when he refuses to go to therapy? charlene Considering Divorce or Separation 7 11-18-2011 01:22 AM
Partner refuses to accept explanations Em-b's Bloke Physical & Mental Health Issues 1 10-22-2010 09:44 PM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome