Making Progress while feeling likea GIANT step backwards
So, we've been going to MC for a year now due to my being dismissive and non empathetic. Before we started she started to withhold any affection to me in hopes that I would see the light and join her in counselling. I did, and was pushed very hard to "let it go" and put her affection off the table for a while. It wasn't easy and I did bring it up from time to time which made her feel like I was pushing her towards a time table. I have been trying my hardest to not dismiss her or her thoughts and give empathy where I could, even though from time to time I'd miss the boat. I could go for a while doing good and one time where I didn't give her empathy and that brings everything crumbling down. I felt/feel like I had/have to be perfect or I'll never be forgiven.
Well, today our Counselor finally started pushing my wife to see that I've been trying and that nobody will be perfect and to forgive me. He finally told her (after a year of counselling) that her way of not giving any affection back to me is obviously not going to work and that she needs to get over this and forgive me. This obviously made her quite uncomfortable and she was actually silent for the last half of our session (either thinking about it or dismissing him). She said at one point she was just thinking about what she was being asked to do and wouldn't elaborate or share any feelings which is quite unlike her and opposite of what she has been wanting me to get better at. It wasn't an easy session and he told her he has been pushing me and it was time for her to do some hard work and she would feel like she is "giving in" when in essence the forgiving and moving on will actually help her feel better about herself and me.
I guess this was more of a way to write out my thoughts and ramble than to actually ask a question. But, has anyone actually had one of these tough sessions actually help to bring them closer together? She literally walked out of the office without even stopping to say bye at my car as she walked off to hers. I went back in and asked my counselor if I should continue asking about talking about our thoughts this week and was told it was probably best to leave it alone for a week unless she brought it up.
Thanks for reading if you made it all of the way through the end of this. It gets harder and harder when you keep trying and it isn't good enough and you see no change from your spouse showing you that things are actually getting better.