http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ An active community forum for marriage and relationship advice, help and support, with dicsussion topics such as infidelity, divorce, spirituality, family, religeon and more. en Tue, 09 Feb 2010 09:50:21 GMT vBulletin 10 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/images/styles/marriage/misc/rss.jpg http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/11203-confused.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:35:52 GMT Today I pretty much gave in to my hopes that things would work out in our relationship. I have done everything that I knew to do to no avail. My... Today I pretty much gave in to my hopes that things would work out in our relationship. I have done everything that I knew to do to no avail. My husband just will not communicate and tell me what is going on with him. Therefore I can't make things better because I don't know what the problems are. We have been separated for the last 3 1/2 months. Today I told him he could file the papers if that is what he wants. I did have questions about things. He called and we had one of the most sincere conversations we have had in months, this including before the separation. He actually told me some of his feelings and called me "darling" which he hasn't done in many months either. I don't really know what to make of this. I don't want to give up hope but I am also tired of the pain. Does anyone have any insight on this? Thanks. ]]> Going Through Divorce or Separation GivingUp http://talkaboutmarriage.com/going-through-divorce-separation/11203-confused.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11202-help-please-3months-n-i-still-wana-start-family-i-think.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:15:10 GMT It's been 3months since my husband cheated...I'm soo confused we r newly weds but been together for 10 years it still hurts a lot I'm trying to move on with our lives but it is soo hard we were trying for a baby before his infidelty one night stand with a stranger that he say was a hookup hi friend called over n he was wasted n they didn't kiss just sex then he ran home I was away for the night with my mom wen I got home he told me everything...I know a baby won't solve our problems but I am soo ready for a family n I do love my h soo much even though it's more of a love hate sad relationships right now...wut do I do stay keep working on this n continue were we left off or wait on kids n now have to be sad about this n having to wait even longer for kids I repeat a lot sorry I'm just looking for as many responses as possible I haven't spoke a word to anyone..this is the short version of my story lol my full thread is listed in a nov post thanks xoxo
Posted via Mobile Device ]]> Coping with Infidelity lovebug82 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11202-help-please-3months-n-i-still-wana-start-family-i-think.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11201-hi.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:12:06 GMT Help Posted via Mobile Device Help
Posted via Mobile Device ]]> Coping with Infidelity lovebug82 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11201-hi.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11200-could-easy-just-one-kiss.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 05:06:16 GMT Wife tonight finally confessed that she kissed the first EA guy who she hasn't talked to for several months. She cried, she bawled, asked me if I was going to divorce her and even asked me to not tell her parents.

It sounds minor, but at least right now it kind of makes sense.

She does something dumb - starts texting and Facebook chatting - it's exciting. So then - next step - just go have a drink, but don't tell hubby the truth. Well gee - alcohol - mysterious meeting - OF COURSE he kissed her. She liked the thrill and attention, but also felt bad about it.

Then I find the first iPhone bill - she didn't realize the detail would show. I was PISSED because she'd been lying and texting behind my back so much. She thought that if I was that mad about texting, it would be even worse if I found out what REALLY happened.

She kept lying - and all I knew was that things didn't add up. My quest for the truth drove her away, and as a result she got closer to guy/EA#2 - who I always thought seemed like kind of a weak threat. I can see where I was driving her crazy - hell - I was driving myself crazy.

This actually makes sense. My gut - which has been much more accurate than I ever would have imagined - never thought there was anything physical going on. I know a kiss is physical - but the lying was so much worse. I just KNEW something was missing from her story.

I'm not totally comfortable with this yet. But she finally broke down and told me SOMETHING. I knew SOMETHING was there - just didn't know what. And she seemed sorry, and even scared.

Maybe now we can finally start to move forward. Maybe I'll stop driving us both crazy. Maybe she won't feel like she has some big scary secret she has to live with.

14.5 years of marriage - no real big problems - then half year of **** - over one kiss? I can live with that. I'll keep my guard up - and there are still things we need to work on - but this feels like progress!!! ]]> General Relationship Discussion nice777guy http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11200-could-easy-just-one-kiss.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11199-i-love-you-but-im-not-love-you-anymore.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 04:22:38 GMT I Love You But I'm Not IN LOVE with you anymore!

Thats what my wife of 22 years told me a month ago and I have been in a tailspin ever since. I caught her having an online affair on Facebook and that precipitated a blow up when she finally said those words. She told me she has been unhappy for years and while she will always love me she isn't in love with me anymore and doesn't know if she can get those feelings back.

I don't lay the entire blame on either one of us, there were definitely mistakes made on both sides and communication both ways was virtually nonexistent about any problems. I worked a lot (too much), didn't help out enough around the house, didn't take time to make her feel special. She never took the time to stop and talk to me about how unhappy she was, or how angry and resentful she had become. She has a very low opinion of herself and feels we have been coexisting almost like roommates rather then husband and wife.

Since then we have decided to seek counseling and she tells me she wants to try to work things out, but she isn't sure if the feelings will come back. She had an EA 14 years ago that we worked through so I have a real trust issue with anything she tells me. There is probably a lot more I could go into but that would fill up a book!

I would love to correspond with anyone that has said/heard the same line. Whether you were sucesssful at putting things back together or not or even if you are going through it now (Misery loves company:D

Thanks for listening.

Zeke351 ]]> General Relationship Discussion Zeke351 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11199-i-love-you-but-im-not-love-you-anymore.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/11198-torn-between-heartbreak-feeling-better.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:28:57 GMT First things first. I have been married to my wife for 17 1/2 years, and we've been to together for 20+ years.

Up until our first child was born, I think our marriage was awesome, but something happened in our life about the time our first son was born. I don't want to go into to much detail about these events, however I will say they've impacted me up until the time my left me 2 weeks ago. These events turned in to anger and crazy obsessions. No, it's not cheating. This ultimately lead to me becoming moodier and short with my wife, and this problem has grown into me becoming a monster at times.

First thing I want to say is that my wife left me 2 weeks ago due to a fight about her adding an ex boyfriend to her Facebook. A friend of mine, who's also on her Facebook, and also knew this ex boyfriend, alerted me to this on a Saturday morning. I confirmed this by looking at her Facebook via her iPhone. When I saw it, I was jealous, and somewhat shocked. I was angry about it the entire day, though I didn't disclose it that I knew until later. During that day, my wife and I and our kids went to the beach to eat lunch and stroll along the pathway. She knew something was bothering me, though I still didn't disclose it. On the way home, she was really wrapped up in her Facebook via iPhone, then she comments to me "Facebook is a great way for you to remain in contact with old friends you knew many years ago". Of course this comment made me just boil over inside.

Later that night, she was bathing our kids, and putting them down for bed, I grabbed her iPhone to checked her email, and I heard her coming down the stairs, so quickly set her phone down, and it made a ding noise, indicating all mail was updated. My wife heard the ding and asked why I was looking at her email. Of course I denied it, but she knew and wanted to know why I did that. That's when the fireworks begun, and I confronted her about adding her ex boyfriend. She was initially defensive about it, and ran upstairs to remove him from her Facebook on the computer. She then came downstairs to tell me it was mistake, and he was removed. But by this time I well into my third bacardi and diet coke, and was still fuming. Then she lashed with "maybe if you hadn't been ignoring me so much the last few months, I wouldn't have added him (ex boyfriend) to Facebook". This all lead to a big fight with her going to her moms house first thing in the morning. She's been gone for 2 weeks know, and my heart aches like never before.

Now I want to talk about some of my personal issues. During the first half of our marriage, I was not the jealous type, but something happened (mentioned above) about the time our first child was born. I started taking my life and wife for granted, and I kept my personal demons bottled up inside my body, and these problems just became worse and worse over they years. It ultimately lead to me developing psoriasis on my hands and feet, which just made me moodier. I gained a bunch of weight, and just kinda checked out in life the last several years. I think that this weight has led to me developing some serious insecurities with myself, and it's the reason why I blew up on my wife because she added her ex on Facebook.

With all that said, since she's left, my heart has been broken for the first time, yet a lot of good has come out of this. I have lost about 20 lbs. The stress that I held bottled up for years is gone. My psoriasis is going away. I'm taking care of business I have ignored for years. And I'm motivated to becoming a better man.

My heart is crushed because I've possibly lost the love of my life. But I physically and mentally feel relieved that she's gone.

QUESTIONS ~ Am I changing because she's gone, or am I changing because I want her back? I feel like I do want her back, I just want to remain separated for at least 3 months. Is this separation a bad idea if I want her back? ]]> Bemmer Nut http://talkaboutmarriage.com/mens-clubhouse/11198-torn-between-heartbreak-feeling-better.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11197-i-messed-up-facebook.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 03:07:43 GMT Short and to the point well maybe not! I am a very happily married man with 3 kids never committed adultery, great wife awesome job, she is a great... Short and to the point well maybe not! I am a very happily married man with 3 kids never committed adultery, great wife awesome job, she is a great lover, friend, worker, need the list go on?

Now how I screwed up! Before we were married there was a girl whom was my everything for 4 years She moved away 2200 miles she wanted to make it work long distance style.....I couldn't do it....I tried for 6 months and met my current wife during this time just friends but the spark was there. The facts are we grew close and me and my long distance girlfriend grew apart it just happened I allowed it, but didn't plan it. So, I broke it off with the girlfriend!! The girlfriend didn't take that well and there was some drama for a couple of months.... I always felt really guilty call me young and seflish at the time. I married my current wife who is awesome about 15 months later.

As you grow up you mature a little and treating my first love so badly has always eaten at me. I always have thought about her, but have always restrained myself to find her and say sorry etc. Just clearing my conscious finally got the best of me I guess.

Well, two weeks ago I found her on Facebook and after some wine hit that friend request button...she accepted. She is married too and said she was happy for me and I said congrats to her etc. No big deal right. Look at pics of the kids etc nothing to exciting.

Stupid me got it in my head to send her a long letter explaining what happened years ago apologizing, and how I was sorry for any pain I cause her, sorry for being selfish, that I thought about her often and will always cared about her since she was my first love etc. Also made it clear I love my life, my wife, kids etc.

I hesitated to send it, but guilt won, and I did send it. Her response was less than I had hoped. Instead of "Thanks glad you grew up or something"

She has decided that my wife needs to know and is calling her. As now with google you can find anything and is sending the documents to her.

I didn't say anything that wrong except "first love" and "I thought about her often", "was sorry for what I did" the real bad one is I said "I couldn't overcome the distance......the not seeing her made it too hard at 22 yrs old" almost implying that if she was here we would have never broken up. There was no mention of hooking up or anything because that wasn't my intent.

Now I'm pissed at myself I should have just seen a therapist, at her for playing get even 15 years later, and now I get to play explain to the wife.

Facebook.........boy it's my fault, but golly wish I would have never sent that stupid message. Why couldn't she just accept it and move on. ]]> General Relationship Discussion Bigtrouble http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11197-i-messed-up-facebook.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11196-i-just-dont-understand.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:17:15 GMT My boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me the whole time… (he does know that I know) . Whenever we got in a fight he would go try and sleep... My boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me the whole time… (he does know that I know) . Whenever we got in a fight he would go try and sleep with somebody else . .. (I know of a few he slept with there is probably more). I just don’t understand why he would do this to me? We were supposed to build a life together and get married (recently that was his idea). I just don’t believe it… Why when we got into a fight that was the first thing he tried to due was to sleep with somebody else and not make up with me?

:confused: ]]> General Relationship Discussion sandyrose http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11196-i-just-dont-understand.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/dealing-grief-loss/11195-i-can-t-understand.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:11:11 GMT My boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me the whole time… (he does know that I know) . Whenever we got in a fight he would go try and sleep... My boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me the whole time… (he does know that I know) . Whenever we got in a fight he would go try and sleep with somebody else . .. (I know of a few he slept with there is probably more). I just don’t understand why he would do this to me? We were supposed to build a life together and get married (recently that was his idea). I just don’t believe it… Why when we got into a fight that was the first thing he triedto due was to sleep with somebody else and not make up with me?


:confused: ]]> Dealing with Grief and Loss sandyrose http://talkaboutmarriage.com/dealing-grief-loss/11195-i-can-t-understand.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11194-ladies-what-some-good-sex-moves.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:11:52 GMT We've all heard or read the saying, or a variation of it: it's not the size that matters, but what you do with it.
Not that my wife and I are even having sex, but if this whole mess gets fixed, I'd like to be able to give her a little more pleasure. To that end, I love performing cunnilingus, but as with all things sexual, she couldn't care less right now (I think receiving oral makes her to self-conscious to enjoy it). But other than oral, what are some good moves that men have given you during intercourse that made you really go, "wow! That was awesome!"
The Jerry Seinfeld move with the swirl at the end (and not the George Costanza 'knuckle' move) does not count. ]]> Sex in Marriage jgn2112fletch http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11194-ladies-what-some-good-sex-moves.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/dating-scene/11193-can-i-marry-him-if-i-feel-like.html Tue, 09 Feb 2010 01:05:49 GMT I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He is by far one of the best men I have ever met. He treats me like his queen and adores... I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He is by far one of the best men I have ever met. He treats me like his queen and adores my family, which has always been one of hte most important things I have looked for in a man.

When we met he was very open about his past. He was twice divorced (both shotgun weddings) and had two children. He married the women because each one was pregnant and getting married only seemed like the right thing to do. His ended the first marriage a year and a half later because they were both so young. The second marriage ended a year later - the woman literally took him for everything and emptied their house before he came home. On top of this, he too had a lot of problems - using drugs and literally not caring for his life at all. He could very well be to blame for the demise of his past relationships. He sobered up and has made his children his top priority. His family, while complex in itself, has forever supported him and adore his children.

He has really cleaned up (according to him, his family and other mutual aquaintences). Since we have been together his whole past has been an internal struggle. Everyone warned me that i should have walked away when I first met him, but he seemed like such a genuinely great guy. Now a year and a half later, that is still true but so are the internal battles. I constantly thinkg "Has he done this before" "Will he feel the same when we get married" "Will he love my kids like he does his right now" "

All legitimate questions, but most are rooted in insecurities. He has never once given me a reason to doubt his love. In fact, he has been very open with the fact that he has never loved like this before and if he could change his mistakes, he would do so in a heartbeat. I let my thoughts and insecurities consume me and we end up in arguments over things that past long before I came into the picture or things that haven't even happened.

To add to that, his family is very close with the first ex-wife. They see her as a daughter and sister. I guess the divorce was mutual and civil that everyone still gets along really well. Which works out well especially for the sake of his daughter. While she seems like a good person, the thought that his family would favor her over me (because they've known her longer) really brings me pain. I know that when they think of him, there will never just be one woman in his life.

I love him dearly and it really hurts me to be thinking these things, but as we get more serious I know I must really think this out. I deserve to be a hundred percent happy, don't I? Am I being insecure or can I get over these things? ]]> The Dating Scene TexasH http://talkaboutmarriage.com/dating-scene/11193-can-i-marry-him-if-i-feel-like.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11192-ladies-do-you-lose-after-thrill-hunt-over.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:55:32 GMT If anyone wants a little background on what I'm dealing with for a little context of this question, my thread is here:
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-mar...teeth-her.html
Now, one thing I totally forgot to mention is that my wife (IMHO) suffers from the classic case of wanting what she doesn't have, and going through a great deal to get it, then when she gets it, she loses interest and takes it for granted.
That's how it is for my marriage. She wanted me BAD while we were dating and engaged. She couldn't get enough of me. Then after we get married, it dropped off and over the last 8 years, it's slowly but steadily just gotten worse.

Since my wife could not care less about my sexual needs, do you ladies feel that this is the case with me?

And more to the point, what "tactic" employed by your husband would evoke the most favorable reaction from you if you felt this way about sex toward your hubby? ]]> Sex in Marriage jgn2112fletch http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11192-ladies-do-you-lose-after-thrill-hunt-over.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11191-confused-again.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:35:05 GMT *****This was also posted in the Private Members section, but I would like input from all, no matter how many posts you have***** Hey - Hope... *****This was also posted in the Private Members section, but I would like input from all, no matter how many posts you have*****

Hey - Hope things are well. I seriously think I'm messed up in the head! My divorce is final, and my Ex and I are getting on a good level. There is still some unfinished business between us, but we are parting (as of now) amicably. There are still some issues with the kids and them going to her place (they dread it), but we will have to deal with that. She was telling me for months that she had no interest in reconciling, nand for the most part, I have let it go. You can only hear it so much until you surrender and begin to move on. I still have the odd periods here and there where I still miss her and would like to try and work on things, but as I grow and discover who I am, I really am beginning to think that I would be better off without her. She hurt me too much, for too long, even before I discovered her EA. (For more info, see my posts in General).

Since mid December, I have been talking to a girl and things have been great. We seemed to really hit it off, text, talk and we get along well and enjoy each others company. We only have seen each other 3 times in person, but every time has been a very nice, comfortable and relaxing experience. I also think it is good that way, so nothing gets rushed. They are always in public, all at restauants, nothing where we would put eachother in a precarious situation. The only physical contact we had was a hug once, and a handshake. We both have been upfront and honest with each other. She knows that I am recently split with my wife, and she is divorced 4 years and is recently out of a long term 2 year relationship that ended in September.

We were always looking for the chance to meet up, either for dinner, or lunch, etc. With both of us being so buzy, it was tough at times to meet up, she had to change plans or cancel at the last minute, etc. No big deal. I understand. We spoke a few times last week, texted back and forth, and on Friday evening, made plans for the following Saturday night. We were both looking forward to it, and told eachother so. I sent a text to her in the afternoon on Saturday, just to confirm the plans for later that night. I get a text back from her that said

"Sorry Im not going to be able to go out tonite, I will call when I get the kids settled."

I am a single Dad now, so I totally understand, and told her so. No big deal. She didnt call that night however, so yesterday comes, and I send her a text just asking how she was and if everythings ok. Heres what she responds:

"Im sorry but I have alot going on rt now its hard for me to find the time for anything..."

I text back to her the following:

"I understand totally. Was it something I said? LOL! Seriously, do you want me to back of with the texts and calls? Either way, dont be a stranger and I hope things are OK Keep in touch!"

Her response:

"No u didnt i just need time to get things together. sorry"

Now, I've been out of the dating scene since high school, but with that comment, I take it as a breakup. (not that we were an official item, but I think you get the drift) There was a complete 180 in like 24 hours! I am confused on what happened. I guess what bothers me the most is that there was no explanation, no reason, nothing. (Which she doesnt owe me, BTW). Impulsively, I want to call her or email her, just to see what is going on, but I know that isnt the way to go right now. I have to give her what she wants. I guess what is bothering me the most is that I was really beginning to like her, and being with her was helping me cope with my divorce, realizing that there are other people and a world out there that I havent experienced, and I was enjoying it discovering it with her. I also made a huge effort not to put any pressue on her, to take it very slow, and let things evolve. We both had told each other that we really liked one another, and we were looking forward to where things may take us eventually.

I guess I have a few questions. The first is, should I initiate any contact with her, and if so, when? On our first "date" we talked about the books we have read recently, and I was talking about "The 5 Love Languages." She seemed very interested in it, and I was thinking of sending it to her with a card, just telling her that Im thinking of her, and that Im here for her if she needs me. But, I dont want to come on too strong, either.

The second question is more important. Why do I feel so strongly about her, and feel so bad that she is pulling away? Realistically, although we hit it off, I only did see her 3 times, and yes, we did speak alot over the phone and via email and text, but its not like Ive known her for years. I seem more bummed out about not being able to see her than I am about my ex wife leaving me! Is that strange? It is to me! Is it her and who she is that Im bummed about not seeing anymore, or is it the simple fact that I just may be very vulnerable and needy? What would your opinion be? I know its hard to answer with the limited info, but take a stab! ]]> General Relationship Discussion squirsh2000 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11191-confused-again.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11190-how-do-we-fix.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 21:29:59 GMT We've been married 11 years, and sex has been an issue for the last 5+.

Prior to marriage my wife was very interested in sex. It was a long distance relationship (international) so our time together was short and far between. We spoke lots on the phone, and phone sex was also quite frequent. I moved to the US a couple of months prior to the wedding, and sex was frequent during that time also.

The first few years of marriage were great, until we had our first child. After he was born, it took a while for sex to be back on the agenda, and then it was very infrequent, gradually declining to the point where its only a few times a year.

Then last year we decided to try for a second baby. Of course, while trying we did it quite a bit, but just as with the first child, things didn't take long. During the pregnancy my wife was crazy for it. Multiple times per day, every day, which of course I enjoyed. But now that the baby is here, and has been for 4 months, things are back to normal. I know that it can take longer than that for a woman to be ready, but I'm already seeing signs that it's back to the way it was.

Normal for us is no intimacy. No kissing, no sex, nothing. My wife says that all she wants is hugs, and to feel close, but I feel that not even wanting to kiss, and pushing me away constitutes rejection.

We love each other very much, and we both consider each other to be our best friends. She suffers from some mild depression that she used to take an anti-depressant for prior to marriage. I feel that it's probably hormonal, due to her libido being extremely high while pregnant. However what we need to do is make the normal times mutually exciting for each other.

I've considered leaving, but that's not what I want. My wife and family is everything to me, but I do need to feel wanted and to see some passion, physical and emotional attention.

Is this something we can address medically? what kind of doctor would we need to see about this? Her usual female dr said that she just needs to read some spicy romance novels. Or would counselling be a better option? Are we looking at a situation that really can't be resolved? Do I need to learn to live with it, or should I really be more committed to breaking things up. I don't think I can do that to her and the kids. ]]> Sex in Marriage gsp286 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/sex-marriage/11190-how-do-we-fix.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11188-8-years-marriage-huge-sham.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:31:40 GMT I need to rant and get some feedback. I feel so betrayed by my wife of 8 years. We both used to be young professionals and had great jobs. After the... I need to rant and get some feedback. I feel so betrayed by my wife of 8 years. We both used to be young professionals and had great jobs. After the birth of my daughter 2 years ago my wife told me she was offered a huge increase in salary and a promotion to come back to work. We agreed that was best, I quit my job to raise my daughter and basically run the house. Everything was great up until yesterday. My wife said she'd be out of town, but I went by her office to ask about the income tax statement as I wanted to drop of the tax info as it was on my to-do-list. I get to her office and was told she hasn't worked there for over 3 years. THREE FREAKING YEARS! I found her friend who still works there and she did say she left before she became pregnant. Talk about shock! She thought I had lost it! After we talked, she realized I was serious and thought my wife might be in trouble and gave me the address they forwarded her personal stuff after she left. I'm now kind of asking WTF is going on!?! So I drove the address - a very nice house and go to the door. A nice young woman answers and asks if she can help me. I tell her I'm looking for my wife (by name) and she asks if I am a client. I SAY EXCUSE ME? I am her DAMN HUSBAND and want to know where she is - at which point a rather large man shows up and asks if there is a problem, and then I am told to leave or he'll personally remove me. At this point I am shaking and leave, and go to the police substation. I tell them my story and give them the address and they say, get this, "Oh, yeah. We've been casing that location with the FBI. It's a known prostitution ring." I get grilled for about two hours, and at the end it is suggested I get a hold of my wife and have her to come in to talk with them. I am like, this is a bad freaking dream - but it isn't. I get home and have a drink, ask a friend to take my daughter for the afternoon, and then start frantically calling my wife. She finally calls back and asks why I have called her 20 times!?! I say there is a bit of an emergency - that the FBI wants to talk to her about a prostitution ring, and oh yeah, I know you haven't worked at your old job for three years!!! I hear nothing but silence for about 1 minutes, then she starts to sob and says I can't talk to you now and I'll be home tomorrow.

I am so freaking angry, mad as hell. How can my wife do this crap! I'm thinking about taking my daughter and just leaving, but she is the one who has the job and writes all the checks. while I was typing this I just looked at the last three years income tax returns - and I am so freaking stupid. The employer is not her old employer. How could I have missed that, the $220k salary, frequent business trips and NOT HAVE ASKED QUESTIONS. She is a freaking call girl *****!

I have no money, a 2 year old daughter, and did I mention MY WIFE IS A *****!?! What in the hell do I do! ]]> General Relationship Discussion SirBen http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11188-8-years-marriage-huge-sham.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11187-feels-like-marriage-over-2-years-almost-cheated.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:31:28 GMT This is very strange for me, but for the past 2 and half years I have wanted out of my marriage. I have lost everything that was me. I am a mother to... This is very strange for me, but for the past 2 and half years I have wanted out of my marriage. I have lost everything that was me. I am a mother to 3 wonderful children whom I love and adore and have no problem being their mom. But his wife makes me shudder. I do everything under the sun not to be intimate with him as it turns my stomach, and we never talk even tho we have each tried. I care for him, he is the father of my children but other then that I feel like he does not exsist to me.
I have asked for seperation 3 times and never got it. I am a stay at home mom because he says we can not afford for me to go back to work. I am miserable.
Now I have a bigger problem, I am falling in love with someone else. I want to cheat, I want to be with this other man. My mind craves his conversation and I ache to allow him to hold me. But I dont do it. I just do not know what to do... I am starting counceling in 1 week but I am afraid it is just a waste of time... and he needs to give me my seperation and divorce. But I just do not know how to or what to do. ]]> General Relationship Discussion shaynel http://talkaboutmarriage.com/general-relationship-discussion/11187-feels-like-marriage-over-2-years-almost-cheated.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/11186-marriage-suggestion.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:04:04 GMT how do we get our husband to participate with house duties? he us to do things in our 1st 3 yrs of marriage. We have been married for 12 yrs and its... how do we get our husband to participate with house duties? he us to do things in our 1st 3 yrs of marriage. We have been married for 12 yrs and its getting worse. he will work for everyone else but its like pulling teeth to help his wife. he feels like if he does something at home he needs to get paid for it (sex) like he makes money for helping friends or his job. Or he will do it when he is ready (weeks or months). he does not put things away after he done with it. I have been telling him the same thing over and over for 12 yrs to do something everyday and he still does not seem to do it (ex: turning the spicket off tight (it drips), flushing the toilet (ugly present inside), leaving dirty clothes where he takes them off, leaving dirty dishes on stove after he cooks himself a meal. I could go on and on. Its like living with a teenage boy. Im not a neat freak by any means but these are just regular things that should be taken care of on a daily basis. Im at my wits end. I leave notes, I fuss, I do it myself and think he sees me doing it and will step in....nothing. It takes me really b****ing and cause an argument to get him to do 1 thing of those things but he doesn't learn from that. Im done...tired or trying...need help with the relationship. Any suggestion? ]]> sweetlady1 http://talkaboutmarriage.com/ladies-lounge/11186-marriage-suggestion.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11185-husband-suddenly-wants-separation.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:50:40 GMT I am new here and could really use some advice.

Two weeeks ago today I found a 'suspicious' mssg. from another woman on my husband's Facebook. The mssg. said, "I didn't mean to make you mad, I just want you to be happy".

I asked my husband (before he saw the mssg.) when he had last talked to this person and he denied having talked to her. After his denial went on for a while I had him go look at the mssg. himself and he finally admitted that he had partied with her at a New Year's party (which he had told me was just guys), they smoked pot together and she had encouraged him to 'leave his family and pursue writing'. He then said that he 'played in to it'. This is a girl he went to high school with and he describes her as "a troublemaker".

After confessing this, he blindsided me by telling me he wanted a separation. He told me he didn't love me and could not be 'who he wanted to be' while he was married to me. He blamed me for being miserable and began to throw things up in my face that had happened over 5 years ago.

Two days later, he moved out. Two days after that, he got an apartment in a neighboring college town.

Of course he denies an affair.

Before he left, he 'defriended' me (and all our mutual friends) on Facebook, changed all his passwords (including cell phone password) and took our computer saying he didn't want me to 'use anything against him' from the computer.

Yesterday he told me he filed for Legal Separation.

We have two children. He's 42 years old.

He makes it sound like I am crazy for suspecting an affair.

He has basically removed all possible ways for me to snoop on him....where do I go from here? ]]> Coping with Infidelity Kara http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11185-husband-suddenly-wants-separation.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11184-thank-you-people.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:40:47 GMT you were VERY helpful. We are already planning to end the marriage, I need to think legally at this point. I fear to say anymore, but thank u so... you were VERY helpful.

We are already planning to end the marriage, I need to think legally at this point. I fear to say anymore, but thank u so very much for helping me!! ]]> Coping with Infidelity lonelywife http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11184-thank-you-people.html http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11183-need-clarity-now.html Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:14:07 GMT We have been married for 12 years and together for 17. We have four kids - three together and she had one previously - ages 5, 7, 10, and 17. The... We have been married for 12 years and together for 17. We have four kids - three together and she had one previously - ages 5, 7, 10, and 17. The last year has been tough because I felt something was seriously wrong in our relationship. I work a lot of hours and have a crazy schedule. My wife found Facebook last winter and looked up a couple old boyfriends. Through out the last year I have found a couple emails and we had a big argument in July. She swore crying on her knees that "I was the center of her universe and she would never do anything to jeapordize our marriage." And said these emails were strictly friends. She then created a seperate email account and told one of them to only use this account Found out in October that there was much more. She slept with two old boyfriends. (One was home on leave from Iraq) HEEELP! It has pretty much destroyed me. We are going to counseling and it has helped some, but I need some third party folks to help me sort this out. ]]> Coping with Infidelity Banff http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-infidelity/11183-need-clarity-now.html