Did having children put a strain on your marriage?

horserider42 · 04-15-2008, 06:27 AM

H and I are going to start trying for kids later this year. I am worried about the impact on the relationship.

mommy22 · 04-15-2008, 07:07 AM

I think having children is the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. There's no describing how it feels when you first hold your child in your arms. That amazing bond can actually bring you closer to your spouse. You have to keep communication lines open and you need to have a strong, stable marriage before having children. I would never go into it to fix anything. In that case, yes, it would bring a tremendous strain. Share your thoughts on the responsibilities in caring for the child. You each need to be prepared to share the load. I had a lot of resentment because I became responsible for all household chores, child rearing, cooking--- everything. He thought all he had to do was bring home a paycheck. Resentment obviously sets in then. Now we share chores and discipline issues. We share the responsibility in carting the children to afterschool activities. He has realized that by pitching in a little, it helps my attitude towards him. It shows love. You should also keep your own identity and still have hobbies/exercise/job. Lastly, keep the marriage a priority. Go on date nights. As long as you're having good family time, the children will understand and actually delight in seeing you and your spouse happy together. There will be a lot of work involved, but I wouldn't trade the experience for the world!

draconis · 04-15-2008, 09:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by horserider42

H and I are going to start trying for kids later this year. I am worried about the impact on the relationship.

You'll have to put them first, some things will change but over all children are so rewarding. We have 4 in our house from 13-2years.

draconis

bluebird · 04-17-2008, 05:50 AM

I would say even in the best of marriages, it will put a strain on your marriage. With that said, I think having kids is the best thing that has ever happened to me. There will be sleepless nights, there will be frustration from the two of you because of being so dang tired...but it does not last forever.
Yes, as they get older, you will be spending more money, birthday parties, after school activities, school clothes etc...I think its all worth it...

In our marriage, it is a big strain even now. We dont have a great marriage. My husband gets frustrated and angry with the kids and how they act(they are 13, 8 and 3). We dont agree on parenting styles(big strain).

My point, if you have a good marriage, and good communication, things will be AOK...its hard to adjust at first, but it will all work it self out in the end..

I feel so incredibly blessed to have my 3 kids. In my heart, I know I was put on this earth to be their mommy.

Andrea · 04-17-2008, 01:09 PM

I ran across this article with StumbleUpon (cant get off of it lol) when i am pretending to look busy. How do Children Change a Marriage Hope it gives insight.

losttrust · 04-18-2008, 04:48 PM

Hi there, kids and marriage, well let me speak from experience, I got 2 teenagers, and yes it does put a toll on a marriage in a big way. Kids will go trough phases and changes, but that is the whole part about having kids. as your kids go throught changes so will you and your husband. If you have a good comunication with your husband now, it will have to be even more open when you have your kids, he will have to understand and learn how to cope with frustrations that will be comming in the future. But as far as having kids is concern it is the greatest experience a couple can have. Enev thou my kids are not always pleasent to be around, I still love them and will continue to love them until the day I die

GAsoccerman · 04-18-2008, 11:47 PM

I have three children, ranging from 10 to 5.

There are times I want to leave them all and run away to a tropical island and drink my misery away.

But othertimes I can not imagine life with out them.

Of course children will strain a marriage, I would not have children if you are both fighting alot and this is a last ditch to keep you both together, not going to fix any marriage issues.

I coach two of my childrens soccer teams, I LOVE it, all the kids are awesome!! It's a blast and a ton of fun, of course I am a huge goofball.

But no matter what kids will give you really bad days, and really great days. Seeing your kids reaction to things is awesome.

We took my youngest on a plane to NYC from Atlanta when he was 3, he searched the clouds for the "care bears" I was on the other window, and Said, "hey I see them over hear! " oh he got SOOOO excited and ran over to see them, but they got away

but they can be ever so wonderful, just enjoy them and watch them grow! You will be amazed.

SageMother · 04-19-2008, 12:21 PM

Children place a strain on a marriage, especially if you still thrive on socializing with child-free adults.

Some say you have to put the children first, but remember, when the children are grown and gone, you need to have each other to turn to.

PixieDust · 05-27-2008, 02:51 PM

Kids put a huge strain on my marriage. But we are strong and trying to stay together.

Being married and having children is not easy!

happilymarried67 · 05-27-2008, 03:24 PM

I would have to say that having kids did not put a strain on our marriage but kids come first (especially when they are sick) and then you have to work on your marriage regularly to keep it strong by having date nights etc. It is hard when you have a newborn to get out of the house at all but then we did alot of bubble baths and back rubs to connect.