[inspmike]

I've been married for two year to a women with two kids. 19 away at school and 17 jr in high school. I have two also. 17 ready to go into the Airforce and a 15 year old daughter who lives pretty much full time with her mother.

Her kids have always done well in school an are spoiled by their mother. My son will barely graduate but doesn't get into trouble but is for the most part an average teen. My wife won't even speak to him. She hates him. She resents the fact that he doesn't do well in school and "just slides by"

She also won't speak to my daughter for no apparent reason. Of course my daughter has a attitude because she feels she is being slighted.

Long story short, my wife goes crazy when my son does even the slightest thing wrong. Leaves a dish out, plays his music loud etc. Typical teenage stuff.

Long story short, she says she doesn't respect the way I parent them and has no respect for me and is always saying she want out. One minute she is loving and the next she is screaming at me for nothing.

I love her but I just can't take the constant manic behavior and her total lack of respect for my kids. She won't even try. I don't know what to do. I get along fine with her kids because I realize that even when they do or say something stupid, I realize they are still kids. I'm the adult.

Any thoughts?
thanks

[GAsoccerman]

has she seen any Doctors about her episodes? try the Medical route first, and then if it fails. move on.

[inspmike]

Yes, she is on a variety of natural remedies but mostly for migraines. The ironic thing is that the highs are really good but the lows are really bad!

[draconis]

Your kids need to come first before your wife or yourself. Next time she says she wants out say okay.

draconis

[swedish]

If this goes on, she will only further distance you from your kids. It sounds as though your daughter has already chosen to remove herself from the situation.

Your wife seems unwilling to embrace your blended family and has issues of wanting to control everyone around her. It is ridiculous to assume her behavior will have anything but a negative impact on your kids. They were much too old when you met for her to step in and 'parent' them.

If I were in your position, I would step up and tell her not to discipline your son when he is in your home. If he is doing things that you know will bother her, like leave a glass laying around, ask him in your way to clean it up.

If she really won't bend at all and keeps threatening to want out, I don't see much choice other than giving her what she wants.

[Green-Moo]

Althoguh your kids are nearly adults, you've got to consider their needs too. This doesn't sound like it's a good environment for them at all. Unless your wife can moderate her behaviour, I think you have to consider making the break.

[Liza]

Does she show any interest in helping your son with his school work? She shouldn't have much bad to say about him because she is now his mother, and needs her love and respect just like you give too her kids. I hope you don't feel like dumping on her girls because they really have nothing to do with her behaviour.

[inspmike]

I want to thank everyone for their input. I hate to admit that this is so bad for both my kids and myself but, I think I have to realize that is indeed true. It's just that I really do love her and if we can just get past this kid issue we would probably be fine. This whole kid thing will be over soon.

It's been four days and she is still not talking to me and sleeping in another room. I'm taking the high road and not being pissy at all. I think she threatens to move out as a call for help but won't tell me what is really bugging her.

If I don't show her physical affection all the time she also gets angry and withdrawn. I know some of the guys are reading this wondering what is problem with a attractive wife who wants sex all the time...every day! Sounds better than it really is. It can be demanding and puts me under pressure sometimes. I guess I'm just afraid I won't meet someone else who can be as fun as my wife. I don't want a divorce! I just want her to relax a bit and not take things so seriously! Is that so much to ask??

[draconis]

What you want isn't as important as your kids. You need to serve them first, period.

draconis

[possum]

Originally Posted by draconis

What you want isn't as important as your kids. You need to serve them first, period.draconis

I've seen a lot of your posts Draconis and you give some great advice but I'm confused here.

Just my opinion but it seems to me that relationships begin to fail when we put someone or something else above our partner with respect to their importance in our lives. As long as second-place (or lower) status is given to our partner, the relationship only grows worse. For guys, it's usually things like work and career (the 'provider' role). For gals, it's usually the kids.

If we put our kids above our partners, the relationship deteriorates and everyone suffers. If we keep our partners at the top, the relationship grows stronger and everyone benefits. A happy, healthy relationship between mom and dad is far more beneficial to the kids.

I see the comments here and I read the wife's actions as frustration at being second-placed by her partner's children. I realize this is a tough situation. The kids are already there and the result of previous relationship(s). She doesn't really know them and doesn't necessarily have any background from which to discipline them. I don't think that's really what she's mad about, though. You need to make it clear that SHE is the most important person in your life. Work out this issue between yourselves and THEN lovingly work out a way to deal with BOTH your children.