He dosn't want kids..but I do.

Pinkiee · 06-19-2008, 05:43 PM

I'm 28 about to be 29 in 3 months, I really want to have kids before I turn 30. My husband never wants to have kids he is 30 and we have been married 2 years, but have been together for I don't know 6 years I guess. I tried to talk to him about us having one and he just kept saying no NO No no, he thinks he will mess the kid up and just doesn't want one. He gave me an ultimatum stayed married to me or go have your kid. Of course I'll choose him over leaving.. but is this how its going to be. So I want advice on people who have had husbands that said they didn't want kids but for some reason changed their mind. I want a planed pregnancy no accidents, I want him to want to have one with me...

GAsoccerman · 06-19-2008, 10:50 PM

well this is bad, I know a couple where the hubby said he wanted kids, then when they got married he said no he doesn't the women has been depressed since.

I think you should move on, if he does not want kids and you do that is not a good fit.

I personally would have not married my wife if she did not want kids.

I had a GEORGOUS friend who thought she would marry me, but she told me she did not want kids....I crossed her off the list. I ahd another friend where she told me she could not have kids...I crossed her off the list. I had a third friend who wanted kids, but her father was a complete psycho....I crossed her off the list.

My wife wanted the same amount of kids as I did, she had a normal family, she was beautiful and intelligent and had a good sense of humor.

I factored all of these things into the person I was looking for, we dated 7 years while going to college and planning a wedding. If at anytimg if I felt my wife was not a perfect fit for me, I would have called it off. We been married 11 years and and have 3 children.

I would move on before it is too late.

draconis · 06-20-2008, 12:50 AM

I think you have your answer. Your hubby is being honest with you, he doesn't want kids nor do I think he will change his mind do you have to decide if you can live without kids for your husband or if you want kids so bad that you are willing to leave. Don't expect, or hope he'll change his mind.

draconis

stumped · 06-20-2008, 09:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinkiee

I'm 28 about to be 29 in 3 months, I really want to have kids before I turn 30. My husband never wants to have kids he is 30 and we have been married 2 years, but have been together for I don't know 6 years I guess. I tried to talk to him about us having one and he just kept saying no NO No no, he thinks he will mess the kid up and just doesn't want one. He gave me an ultimatum stayed married to me or go have your kid. Of course I'll choose him over leaving.. but is this how its going to be. So I want advice on people who have had husbands that said they didn't want kids but for some reason changed their mind. I want a planed pregnancy no accidents, I want him to want to have one with me...

Did the two of you discuss this before you were married? Did he change his mind?

justean · 06-20-2008, 12:10 PM

i agree with draconis - it wont change.
a work colleague of mine was with her husband for 5 years, 4 married. he said at start of relationship he did not want kids, but she married him n e way. hoping that he wood change his mind.
i give her 10/10 for persistence.
but it never came.
believe me she was desperate for a baby like you before she turned 30.
n e way , i dont think she could take n e more and they split.
i saw her the other day after a spell away from my job, to find out that she met a bloke after the split and within 6 months of being with fella, she caught pregnant - she is now 22 weeks , expecting a boy and is absoultly beaming.
i can honestly say i have never seen her look so happy.

Pinkiee · 06-20-2008, 03:50 PM

Guess I'm screwed. Ya we talked about it some he said he wanted kids, but now he only said he said that to get me to sleep with him. He did tell me before we got married that he did not want kids, but i did it anyways. my husband is weird tho cause at first he didn't want to get married, so i figure since he changed his mind on that why wouldn't he change his mind on 1 kid. Isn't that what all guys say is that they never want kids, and then Ooups it happens and they end up liking it.

Pinkiee · 06-20-2008, 04:24 PM

I thought about this and this is what I came up with, people say people don't change, but I believe they can. Take my Dad for instance he didn't want kids he divorced my mom when she got pregnant, after a year of separation they got back together then she got pregnant again and they divorced again and got back together again, they have been together over 20 years now. My dad told me that ya he didn't want to have kids but realized that he missed my mom so much that he couldn't live with out her and that he would just deal with the kids. btw told me this several years after i moved out of the house. I was raised with the idea that when you really love someone you make sacrifices to be with that person.... Now question is who is going to be making the sacrifices me or my husband...divorce is not an option for me even if times get horrible

I'm feeling kind of bi polar after reading my post

justean · 06-21-2008, 05:18 AM

you would feel messed up. thats the name of the nature game. and u want a child.
years ago i felt like i needed a baby and just felt like sleeping with someone just to get it, but i did not and i am glad.
true love did come around. i sorted my career out and then met someone and caught a year later.
i really dont think he wil change his mind and you wil make yourself worse. always wondering.
i believe that we can change certain things about ourselves to improve things. but major issues i,e kids is a huge issue.
you could take the chance, get pregnant by hubby, but you risk many more issues.
personally when i wanted a child. i was prepared to be a single mum.
but as a parent, you can risk that at any given time n e way.
i.e parents split up.
my hubby and i are split now. ok where in the same house now, but over the 13 years weve had ups and downs. a few times my hubby has left home sometimes 4 3 months. we just needed space. got back together. sure he visits children. but its a single situation again.
who has the children - its me. takes them to school. drs, appts.
you also know what your mum went through.
that should give u some insight.
in my 1st second marriage, i caught pregnant at the end of relationship. but i miscarried at 3 months.
i sound awful, but i promise you it was the best thing that happened.
you might have this different, buy my ex was a pig. lies, affairs etc.
but im glad about what happened because i no longer had that person in my life,who would dictate my life or his child.
having a child with him would have been the worst part of it.
but my 2nd hubby, despite all. is a good dad. he loves them to bits.
and i am happy with him in my life, despite all. because i still like him.

TheLuckiest08 · 06-22-2008, 02:22 PM

I am going to offer a conflicting viewpoint: Stay with him.

You said marriage vows to each other....Remember the whole sickness and health, richer or power, til death do you part?? You're not dead yet.

If he's good to you in every other aspect I personally don't see how this should be a deal breaker. Besides, he could come around (just don't count on it or you could be disappointed).

GAsoccerman · 07-02-2008, 07:28 AM

he won't change and if you get prego, he will resent you and blame you, then blame the children.

It won't be good...

Trust me....

Move on.

I always wanted childred, but they are allot of work and can strain a marriage. We have 3 kids, love them to death, but it is not easy and it tests you everyday. He will not be happy and you will probably get divorced when the stress becomes to much becuase it will be your fault.

Tell him since he does not want kids, you want a divorce so you can find someone that does. See what happens, right now he knows you won't leave, he has his way.