The Family ForumFamily dynamics can be exactly that - dynamic! Post here about family related issues such as blended families, step-families, new relationships with children involved, family of origin issues, in-laws or sibling issues.
Ok I am a 19 year old newly wed. I have been married for 2 months now to my bestfriend. We dated for 3 years. Well we got engaged after being together for a year and waited 2 more to get married. Well we went and got married in the court house and decided that next year we will have the "wedding." Well when I called my mom(she moved to a different state) and told her about our plans she got very upset. She made it all about her. I never once got a I'm happy for you. All she could say was that I was getting married with out her. I told her that nobody was coming to the court house with us. We were saving that for next year when everybody could come. She didnt care about that. She made it seem like I was doing it on purpose to hurt her. I understand were she is coming from to a point but then it seems to get out of hand. Then oneday I was talking to her and she told me that if I got pregnant within the next year she would never be able to forgive me. I asked her why and she said again because I would be doing it without her. Then she said that when I do get pregnant that when I am 8 months I have to come stay with her so she can be at the birth. And my husband can come if he wants. EXCUSE ME!!!!! I told her no she can come stay at my house at that time, but I will be where my husband is. And this time she told me that if I didn't come stay with her she will never speak to me again. And now when I try and call her all she wants to do is get off the phone with me. My mom has never been this way before. So I'm not sure if its just a phase she is going though or will this be the way she acts from now on... Please help... I have tried to talk to her and all she says is that I am doing all of this when shes not her but shes the one that moved away from me. I don't think it is fair that she expects me to put my life on hold for her because she moved. She didn't put her life on hold for me. She moved to another state when I just went into my Senior year. I just need someone to please help me figure out what to do... I dont have my mom to talk to so I need someone to help!!!!!
Wow im really sorry about what you are going through. Sounds like your mom is really going through some things. As hard as it is just do what you know is right and let her throw a tantrum. You have a long life ahead of you and im sure she'll come back around.
I agree with Draconis. This is a difficult situation to bring any advice to the table without a little more detail. Has your age been a factor at all with her? Many women go through empty nest syndrome when their kids graduate high school. This may have felt like a double whammy with you growing up and getting married soon after. I'm certainly not taking her side, but is it a possiblity that she could be dealing with some of those issues. She may be having a breakdown of sorts. I've gotta admit, as a mother, I fully plan on allowing mine to grow up and leave the nest without trying to control them, but I can see how it would be a lot to take in if they got married right away and had children. Are you considering children right now? If not, then why is this an issue with her right now? I've learned in life that sometimes it's best to allow people to throw their tantrums and act as though you don't notice. Usually, they simmer down when the don't get the attention they desire. I've also learned that you can't please everyone. You must live your life in an upstanding manner and do what's best for your marriage. Your spouse is now your priority. Be gentle with your mother, but know that your allegiance is to your spouse.
it sounds like your mother wants a lot of control over you.
i think you should consider what you actually want, not her.
i havent spoken to my father for the past 10 years.
not once did he say , im proud of you or for your achievements. very much against me . its very sad.
but by staying away from him, i had the better life without the emotional blackmail and his scorn against me.
ok you married young. but you made your decision.
move on like your mother and enjoy what you want out of life.
She doesn't hate you, she is a mother being a mom that doesn't want you making the same mistakes in life that she did.
Being married at 19 is setting yourself up for failure down the line in todays world.
I think she feeels she let you down by not trying to talk you out of marriage and what life has to offer.
As a father of three, I want all three of my children to go to college and doe some things before settling down, because once you ahve children, the rules change. No late night parties, no spring breaks, no seeing the world for cheap.
If I were your parent I would have asked you both to wait until your 25 to get married, not to break up, go on living life, but once your married that is a different ball game.
Life is very complicated and you guys have put yourselves behind the 8 ball, but what is done is done, you have to figure things out now. I would really wait until holding off having children for several years, build up some money, buy a house when you can. Do things the right way.
She does have your best interest at heart, but she is viewing you life as her failure. You are a teenager after all.
I dated my wife 7 years, before we got married, after we finished college and had jobs. We thougth if we loved each other then we would get married when we were done with school.
What you did was selfish and she is hurt. Now you need to mend the fence, but that comes in due time.
Best of luck, I would be devestated if you were my daughter as well. I would love you to death, but be disappointed in myself that I had failed you as a parent.
Could be she's having trouble letting go, or feels left out. She wanted to be there with you when you first say your "I do", not the second time around. Your mom is your best friend and she will be with you when you say "I shouldn't Have". I mean.. if your marriage doesn't work out. I didn't mean that in a bad way, and I am new to the forum, but be nice to your mom. Remember ..
blood is thicker than water, and when the chips are down.. then you know who really cares and loves you, and will be there for you. Answer..YOUR FAMILY.
I Think My Mom Now Hates Me!
Re: I Think My Mom Now Hates Me!
