Is one better than the other??

jesncliff08 · 12-31-2007, 12:17 PM

My fiance and I have children from past relationships, he has a 7 yr old daughter and I have a 6 yr old son. My son lives with us full time and his daughter visits occasionally. Problem is he treats my son poorly compared to his daugther. If they are together playing..etc. he always yells & disciplines my son when its mostly something she has done. I have talked to him about this and he said that he treats her differently because she isnt here all that often so he feels bad if he disciplines her on short visits. This has taken a toll on my son and hs behavior when she's here. He listens when I express my concerns but still retreats to the same behaviors when she's here. Is this a REAL problem or a bad case of Daddy's little gir??l

3plus3 · 12-31-2007, 02:52 PM

Whoa, that is not right. It is setting the precedent for his daughter to realize that she can do anything she wants with no repercussions. And your son is learning that he can do no right while she is there. It will set a big riff between the two of them as well as the two of you.

When you express your concerns does he agree that something needs to be done? If so, then gently remind him that you discussed this type of behavior before. Hopefully he will follow through and discipline her.

draconis · 12-31-2007, 04:08 PM

There needs to be no difference in how good and bad actions are handled. Keep in mind he may also feel resentful that while you get to have your child he doesn't really get to see his as much as he wants too.

draconis

Liza · 01-06-2008, 07:26 AM

He needs to set a standard frm now, what will happen if she comes to live with you guys, and he starts to discipline her, she would certainly rebel because she is not use to it form him. Children needs discipline to mold them into being good characters so he is doing more harm than good.

mollyL · 02-19-2008, 07:50 PM

Perhaps the untold part of this story has to do with what your husband's relationship with his ex is like when it concerns their daughter. Can he speak with her about this?

Green-Moo · 02-29-2008, 02:20 AM

This is not doing anybody any good. Your son feels put upon, the daughter is learning unwelcome behaviours and it's putting a strain on your relationship.

Children need a set of rules to live by, so your fiance is doing her no favours in the long run. Does he set out with a plan to be fair then fail in the face of action? I think sitting down as a family (all four of you) & discussing expected behaviours & consequenses would be a good starting point.

mollyL · 02-29-2008, 09:24 AM

I was wondering if it might do all your blended family good if perhaps your husband could take his daughter out when she comes to stay (without making a big deal about it) to a special place for an afternoon, such as a movie, miniature golf, etc that would just be daddy and daughter. Then perhaps he might feel more like disciplining his daughter because he has done or will do a special thing with her,so he will feel less guilt about the discipline.