[VA women]

Me and my husband met 7 years ago and we both had sons. His son and my son are one month apart. When we finally moved in together my our son's were 1 and 1/2 and when we got married they were going on 3. My husband was all my son knew for a while and he calls him dad. He see's his biological only when he goes over to grandma's because he lives there. We have always from the beginning had problems with the discipline aspect for the kids. I feel that you can prove the same point and not be so harsh. My husband is not in the military or anything but he try's to be very intimidating. I was scared for a while to leave my son and his son with him when they were little. I told my husband that i did not mind him disciplining my son just dont kill him. He toke it as, if I can't do what I want then I won't do anything at all. He then blames me for my son acting up in school and says it's because I'm to soft and that I told him not to discipline my son. That was clearly not he case.

I am so lost as to what to do!

My son recently said something really bad to a child in school and got a referral for it. I agreed that something needed to be done. My husband toke the role and spanked him then put him on punishment for two weeks. This started on Thursday. My son has never been on punishment for longer than hours but I didn't say anything when my husband said for two weeks. I now feel after six days that it is enough and I want him off. It's the holidays, they just got off for the christmas break I don't want him to spend the whole time starring at the walls. My son is a excellent student on the honor roll and I see a major change in him. I explained to my husband the we should start small then give him more time if the he continues to act up. He says no and keep insisting that's why he ask like that. He wont budge.

What do I do? Am I wrong?

[millmant]

Frankly, I cant fault either one of you for your beliefs regarding discipline.

The both of you have to come up with a hybrid that is workable for the both of you.

My problem that I have with my wife is I feel she doesn't follow through with the threat of punishment. She says i react too quickly and maybe I do sometimes. Through some work I know we could figure this out.

[swedish]

I would stick to the agreement so your son knows you are both serious where punishment is concerned. The only way you should backtrack is if you both agree and present it to your son that you have seen a real change in him and decided to cut the time short because of that.

I would also take it a step further and talk to your husband...come up with an agreement on punishments down the road so it's not happening on the fly. In the future, you can also tell your children, your father and I will discuss your punishment...and get back to them later...sometimes it helps to come up with something fitting what they have done wrong.