[lovebug18181]

-------

[believer]

I'm not a man but will put in my 2 cents worth. How he talking to you & the kids is unacceptable, which you are aware of & have asked him to stop. Unfortunately, he will not listen. You mention his temper is getting worse - if you are afraid for your safety or your childrens -you need to get out of that house now. But if you have concerns & your husband is with them all day - you need to look out for them. Hopefully your situation is not that extreme.
There are obviously communication issues here & until those are resolved, I don't see this situation improving
So what to do? I would suggest therapy to your husband, let him know you sense his frustration with the kids, that you appreciate him helping you with them, etc. But that you have realized that any time you try to discuss your parenting styles it becomes a road block. Express your desire to try to work on things together & invite him to join you . Hopefully he will agree, but if he does not I would seek assistance on your own.
Just a few more ?'s, does there seem to be a defined start date as to when he started acting this way? Was it when he went back to work? Is he working now? I would imagine your kids are in school, so does he care for them afterschool?
hopefully you can find a way to open the lines of communication so this situation can improve for you all. good luck

[lovebug18181]

-----

[lovebug18181]

[dre]

it may just be the stress from him working at first it was just you working and he had to handle the kids. but now he is working and more focused on providing than fathering ask him if he is stressed or what you can do to help calm him down or just write up a schedule to follow i know you work a lot but they are your kids you know

[MEM11363]

There is a huge difference between being firm/strict and being abusive/bullying - he is in the abuser/bully category and the only person can protect your children from him is YOU.

One amazing thing about bullies is they fold fast when confronted. You tell him you want him to leave and watch what happens - shock - begging/pleading.

Is there a church based therapist who can help you?

Originally Posted by lovebug18181

Trying to make a long story short but its kinda complex...I was a single mother of 2. The kids had never met their bilogical father. I had met my now husband and he moved in after we got married (the kids were 3 and 4 at the time). He did not have a job but I did and he would do cleaning and bathe the kids. He stepped in as father and did a WONDERFUL job at it. He got a job and things went downhill.... Slowly he got more strict with the kids the older they got (they are 7 and 8) and the cleaning just went completely....He is home all day and doesnt bathe them....I work all day and rarely see the kids so its hard for me to be able to bathe them. I have limits with the kids but am a bit more forgiving and he just screams when they lose things or when one is bummed or crying over something that is unreasonable. Anyway I dont like screaming and he just does it quickly. And he has a habit of putting the kids down like "are you a baby?" or "neeneer neener" type of things. Its almost as if he bullies them and me around. When the kids mess up he starts yelling and I cant help but put a face on of disagreement. He will then say "ohh dont you ****ing start". I will say something like "Dont speak to me like that" and he will respond like "I will speak to you how I want." and when I try defending myself more he just starts saying "ohh shut up" and then shuts down. Our main issues are the fact that our parenting is COMPLETELY different. The kids call him daddy and they havent known anyone else as daddy. Him not being their biological father is rarely talked about. I tried saying "we need to compromise" and he just says "well you dont like how I do things and I think you baby the kids too much". I just think he has them scared to mess up or anything. I cant ever really confront him or he just saying "all you do is complain" and stops talking to me or gets VERY defensive. I am desperate because his temper is getting worse and my tolerance is going down. I love him very much but I feel like our differences in parenting and communication are the things that will lead us to divorce unfortunately. I mainly need a mans advice that kinda is the same as him so I know how "he" would prefer the situation to be handled.

[ebp123]

I completely agree that his behavior is unacceptable. Many men don't want or maybe even aren't capable of handling themselves differently. I am married to someone like this, although he's not bullying the way your husband is. Anyway, I am considering divorce for the sake of the kids. And because I have lost respect for my husband. I think you still love your husband, but I have to say that your kids need you more and that you must be their strength. If the bully lives with them, what is that doing to their self esteem?!?!

[lovebug18181]

Thank you for responses and suggestions. Took a while to get back online to reply.

[turnera]

So what did you do?