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ok she was top of her class 3rd last year received lots of scholarships and a 4 year full pay at local college... nice part time job at a bank so good money...
why did she hook up with boyfriend that dropped out in 10th and did not get his GED??? then go off the pill (all her friends having babies we talked she seemed to want to wait) then moved in with him and switched to full time at the bank and for now dropped out of college?????
i know teen girls harmons go wild, we talk all the time and she was so on track... now she is realizing she don't want to be so far away since prego,,, he is not working (well under the table here and there and with out GED jobs will be hard to find) and his family is jumping up and down so happy for grand baby...
we (me and hubby) support her but can't be 100% happy she is not married she is living in a 3 bedroom sharring with 2 of his male friends and not happy there and i have to say we are let down but want to be there for her but really don't agree...
we can't not help much we have 5 other daughters living at home... we are supporting and he owns his own business and times are tight right now.... i said she has a place anytime for her and baby but can't and will not let a man (she is not married to) in our house i don't think good to show sisters that...
No, you are not being mean. She had set herself up for a great future and unfortunately made some bad choices probably for the sake of young love. At this point, she is probably better off where she is so she can really think through her choices and future...
My son is 19 and has had his own apartment for the past year...he realized how hard it is w/o a college degree to get by...he is now applying to full-time university for the fall, but if he went straight from high school I don't think he would have the same appreciation for higher education.
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~Swedish
No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.
Albert Einstein
No. PLEASE don't be too easy on your kids out of fear of being mean. It is parents holding strong rules that teaches kids to be great adults. Parents who take too much care of their kids teach them to be spoiled, lazy adults.
The ONLY way I would allow the baby's dad there was if he (1) married her and (2) was full time in school.
I wouldn't even allow him if he was working full time. ONLY if he's in college to be able to support her with a decent career.
swedish, i guess we can only guide them so much and then we have to let them find out for themselves how hard it is, sounds like your boy is getting back on the right track.
turnera, thanks for the words.. here is the thing he dropped out in 11th grade 4 years ago and never got his GED so i think school for him is out of the question... and work well i can only say i grew up in the city and around many different types of people and there is one group i could put him in it would be lazy.
i am going to take her to dinner tonight just me and her want to see what she has in mind... (i did run over answers for all her "right" things in my head) i will let her tell me her plans and then go from there,,, it hurts knowing she is making it so hard on herself.. but to hear her 17 yr old sister say she is a smart fool... and my 15 year old said yesterday that a teacher said o you should be more like your sister... her reply to her teacher was ok be top in my class, drop out of college, get prego to a looser.. mmm nah no thanks... then one of the 11 yr olds comment to say we ended up with her dog after 3 months will we get her baby to???
sad really... wish me luck with the mom daughter moment tonight... i am going to keep to my main path... she always has a home with us for her and the baby....but she needs to own up to this
It sounds to me like he has a great influence on her. She thinks that she is in love… Don’t worry mom she will come around. When I was 18 i thought i knew everything. It will just take some time. No, you’re not being to mean. You’re not just going to sit there and see your daughter throw her life away. How is her relationship with her father?
i said she has a place anytime for her and baby but can't and will not let a man (she is not married to) in our house i don't think good to show sisters that...
am i being to mean?
Sure, it's not being too mean if you don't mind them hating you for acting like the father of her baby is not allowed in your house! They have a lot of problems it sounds like, and it sounds like fights are going to happen if you keep pushing them away. If you push away the guy then you're pushing away the poor girl too if she stays with him.
ok just an update... my dinner went well no where... she had an answer for everything (but answered nothing)
i asked so your now working full time what is he doing...? he is looking he is applying but shy and since no GED he is not having much luck but i will help him...
then i found out he has a warrent for his arrest... ??? grr drug charge but he didn't have anything on him it was his sister... ok that was a few months back and still no court so maybe they dropped it...??? what the f and your smart one>>> i checked next day and the warrent is out for failer to appear and yes they are still looking for him...
where will you live? were looking.... i am saving money we will have something soon...
ok you see where this went... NO WHERE..
my hubby had lunch with her (it snow stormed so it was 3 days later) and he said she cried and would not look him in the eyes the hole time....?? he can be a bit mean when he talks but i think she needs it....
now my twins b-day was valentines day... she came over alone (he will not come anywhere near us) and she spent a few hours at the house we played the wii with the girls and even my hubby but no talk really.... then she got on line to check into getting her own phone service (hubby said we will be dropping her from ours end of this month) and she saw the cost and as like... man a bit high...?? i was like yeah...???
he came out and saw and made a comment ... so getting your own phone... see your looking at a two line plan... is that so you two can talk when he is in jail... she got off the computer kissed me and all here sisters good bye and left.... did not kiss or say good bye to him and well got out of dodge... she texted me later saying she would have to wait till end of week till pay day to get the phone and she will give me her new number but don't want dad to have...??? grr this is sooooo hard and really putting a strain on my marriage....
Sandy Rose thank you for your in put with your own life... i am hopping she will come around... sooner before later..
her and her father are alot alike... and that pushing them apart on many things... but before this guy she always saw he (her dad) was a black and white man there was no gray (i am lots of grey and reds and blues and yellows ) and she was the same as him so a few days nothing would be said and they would be back on ok grounds... this has pushed them far apart... ;(
as for rosettastnd... yes i know saying he can't come live at the house could push her away but... he does drugs (she said he uses pott sometimes "she says she don't") he has a warrent for his arrest he has not finished school and no job....
i did offer this when we went to dinner... and i said it in a nice not push voice...
have him turn himself in.... get that off over his head... if he has to go to jail or do jail time to now more than latter... come home to live while he works his stuff out (if he gets jail time they can help him get his GED if he signs up for the help and cost is low or nothing)
live at home we will not charge rent.... she will still have phone car and insurance.. but she can save on rent save that to buy what the baby will need (car seat crib clothing ect) also could be saving for appartment when Zack gets out... ok i thought a good idea.. we live old farm house she could enter and leave the back stairs and she would have her sisters to help when the baby comes...
she said she would remember my offer and she did not think he would turn himself in but let me know before anything happens (he wants to be there when baby born) ???? i am lost
I know this is an old post but here it goes and i hope it helps. Honestly as a a former teenage mom I would say to you and your daughter is
1. your not being mean, you have every right to whom you allow in your home
2. if he still doesn't have a GED, but needs to learn how to support his family tell him to get off his ass and join the military. There are many programs that the military will help you pay for to get his GED. There is a program in the National Guard that helps you review for GED (which they pay for) in return you have to sign a contract from 2-6 years but the good things all the benefits he will obtain for his upcoming family.
I hope this helps, and o yeah for your daughter if he doesn't change before their child is born tell her that the chances of him changing after is slim.
Thank you for the extra words... i am still beating myself up over. well he can not do military since he has a record with the law.. and is still technicaly wanted by the police?? (a hole) anyway... she had left her dog with us when she left (no time to give to it) that was a few months ago, hubby did not want the dog to start with but i talked him into it.. hoping it could be here when she got smart and moved home.
well this past weekend we found a nice home for the dog (other girls have better breathing truely) and it is down the road so the girls can still see him... but she is very mad at me... (go figure) but i did learn thru her myspace page she has a cat???? no time for dog but time for that??? what ever.
I did her taxes for her,,, there still sitting on my desk she has not made the time to pick them up..... or at least sign them so i can send them in... grrrr hubby really saying i am baby"ing" her and she is going to be a mom i need to knock it off. (ok i am but i do taxes so why would i not help her with that?)
i am still finding a hard line between keeping nice and being there for her,,, and being on my hubby's side and going along with tough love... and there are the other 5 at home that are watching and learning i am sure...
Wow I wish my mom can do my taxes, lol. Some parts you are babying her and other times were moms and we can't stop being moms. Well in the Army I was a human resouce person and you know what's messed up so many people in the service had felonys prior to enlisting. The justice system is wacked, the worst I saw was DUI with drugs and gun in the car and beating a cop. If the guys isn't that bad then I bet some recruiter will pull all the right strings to sign his life. As for the cat and dog situation just let it be there is more to life then animals. Good luck! Posted via Mobile Device
it was her dads b-day monday and she came over for dinner it went well... all 6 girls around the table and nothing but talk she got out her altrasound of the baby and i held my breath but all went ok...
she went on line later to catch up on her e-mails and stuff (she can't afford on line) and me and dad went out for a drink for his b-day as soon as we got in the car my hubby let a deep breath and said i really had to bit my lip...i am glade he did.
yes we want them to grow and we want them to be happy but i any way have a hard time just letting her make her mistakes...
well one day at a time i guess.
18 was out to get prego...
i am hopping she will come around... sooner before later..
