[debbiewake]

I am new and hoping someone can give me advice. I have been married for 10 years. I have a 19 year old son (previous marriage) and a 9 year old son with my husband. He has an 18 year old son (previous marriage). My son was 7 when my husband and I first began dating. His Father (who is completely out of the picture) left when he was 2. For the first 7 years of his life, my world revolved around my son. Needless to say he was a bit resentful of my husband when we first started dating. He and my stepson were good friends though. We did everything together as a family after the marriage and our son was born a year later. My husband adopted my son. Things seems to be going well outside of a few growing pains with my older son (who I'm sure was a little jealous of my new husband and the baby). He was a good boy though and never gave us trouble. My husband started drinking after we had been married for a couple of years and it turned into full blown alcoholism. He has now been sober for 2 years. The problem is during the drinking we had several bad incidents. My son got angrier and angrier at my husband who also suffers from depression. Once my husband got help, the drinking was gone but not the depression. He can be very moody and snappy. Since my son had lost all respect for him during the drinking, once he stopped, my husband expected everything to be great again. It is not. The animosity between the 2 of them is overwhelming. My husband has the opinion that he is the Dad and should be respected as such. My son, who is 19 now, and all that goes with being a 19 year old, does not. He can be rude and selfish but is very protective of me. I feel like I am living in a battle zone! My husband talks and talks about how he wants things to be different and how much he is trying. But his trying means he doesn't yell anymore but instead makes smartass comments about my son. My son just ignores him most of the time which then makes my husband madder. My son is in college but lives at home. He wants to go away to a different college next year. As much as I don't want him to go, I think he will be happier and my husband will be too. Sometimes I feel like I want to run away from all of it! But my 9 year old needs me! My husband son who was not around during the drinking treats his Dad like crap. He never calls except to ask for money and when he came home(to his Mom's) from college over Christmas, we saw him for 1 hour out of the month he was home and that was to get his presents. I think a lot of the resentment my husband has comes from the way my stepson treats him. Meanwhile, I don't know what to do anymore and I'm tired of trying with both of them. Anybody got any suggestions!

[turnera]

I would send your son away to college, for HIS sake. It may take several years before he can be willing to accept your H better.

That said, what are you doing to improve the marriage? Is your H attending AA? Are you attending Alanon? You should.

Aside from that, I would recommend therapy...for all of you!

[debbiewake]

Thanks for the response. My husband is starting counseling next week and I will be also. He did go to AA for the first year of sobreity but no longer. I went to Alanon a few times as did my son.

[turnera]

People are alcoholics for life.