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post #31 of 241 (permalink) Old 09-29-2013, 03:43 AM
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Re: Kenji's journey

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So we have Kenji enrolled in a diploma track at our local public HS, but I don't believe he will be able to complete it. It started yesterday when in his math class a bell went off. He was startled and it drove his sympathetic nervous system from 0 - 100 in a second. He started to throw a fit and his 1:1 Education Assistant (EA) try to calm him down. This did no seem to help much. She was able to move him outside the classroom but he hit the EA on the arm. As many of you know schools have a zero policy for this stuff. They moved him to the office and called me up. He was able to calm down and apologize.

Today He was in the library and something set him off, he threw his bag across the room and fell to the ground and begin to hurt himself today against the floor. Security was able to move him to the office but he then started banging his head against the V. Principal's desk saying he wanted to kill himself. I got call, they asked me to take him home for safety reasons. So at 11am I took him home.

We have a meeting on Monday afternoon. I appears that he will best be served moving back to the fully self contained classroom. I am so depressed. I failed my son. I am a horrible father. I hate myself for not being able to find a way to provide him with the tools to survive.
Drerio,

I really wish I could comfort you! Believe me, I understand this helpless feeling.

In Chinese culture, us children are taught to look after our parents when they are old. This has been a lot of pain for me ever since my parents became old and sick. I live far away from them, I can give them financial help, but I can't look after them physically. My parents have other children, but they all live far away from them. Whenever I know that they are sick and nobody is at home looking after them, I feel sick. It was really bad a couple of years ago.

But I have been doing my best to help them. I am just a human, there are a lot of things which are not in my control. My parents have bad personalities, they can't get along with their children and other people, this is not in my control. They are old, sick, and helpless, this is not in my control. There is nothing I can do about these.

Same thing with you. You have done your best for your son and you are doing your best for your son. But you can only do your best, a lot of things are not in your control. You are just a human. It is a lot of emotional pain you have to endure. You wish you could fix this problem like a miracle, but you just can't. So we do what we are capable of, look after them as much as we can!!! And for the stuff which is not in our control, we accept it as a fact. We are human, there are a lot of things we can't control.

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post #32 of 241 (permalink) Old 09-30-2013, 09:02 PM
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Re: Kenji's journey

I finally found your thread, hang in there a few days ago I was telling you about my son getting more aggressive with himself. We upped his GABA dosage and it's been a few days but not one episode. Small victories.
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post #33 of 241 (permalink) Old 09-30-2013, 09:31 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Kenji's journey

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I finally found your thread, hang in there a few days ago I was telling you about my son getting more aggressive with himself. We upped his GABA dosage and it's been a few days but not one episode. Small victories.
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Please do and please share it here. This may be titled Kenji's Journey but I would like to hear other ASD Journeys as well.

Thank you.
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post #34 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:25 AM
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Re: Kenji's journey

Hope you are feeling better and your son can stay in the school. Is it a mainstream school? I am teaching a 13 year old with asd and he too had lots of emotional episodes during the transition from elementary to secondary school. He would hit, self harm and throw things. The parents put him on some medication during that period (sorry not sure what medicine was that) slowly he settled in with the help of other professionals. The change was too much for him to handle but now he had learnt to regulate himself in that new environment. I have seen many parents who failed their children with special needs but I am very sure you have not. He is blessed to have you! The very fact that you are looking at solutions say that you are a wonderful father.

"A good marriage is one which allows for change and growth in the individuals and in the way they express their love."
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post #35 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 03:49 AM
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Re: Kenji's journey

drerio, perhaps there are supplements that may calm Kenji. GABA is one possibility, but there are others that are available OTC.

I know you were interested in possibly setting up a dorm like housing setup in the future for young adults on the spectrum. I thought of you when I read the following article. Hope you find it as interesting as I did.

Faison complex to house young adults with autism - Richmond Times-Dispatch: Health
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post #36 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 05:49 AM
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drerio, perhaps there are supplements that may calm Kenji. GABA is one possibility, but there are others that are available OTC.

I know you were interested in possibly setting up a dorm like housing setup in the future for young adults on the spectrum. I thought of you when I read the following article. Hope you find it as interesting as I did.

Faison complex to house young adults with autism - Richmond Times-Dispatch: Health
Lithium also helps with aggression, we have tried RX medications but the sides effects were bad, tics, massive weight loss, irritated eyes, depresion. We have tried a few.

We do have him on vayarin which is a RX high dosage of omegas.

We have to deal with both autism and ADHD.
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post #37 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 05:51 AM
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Re: Kenji's journey

Have you guys seen the documentaries on medical marijuana for autism? Seems interesting but I'm still on the fence.
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post #38 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Kenji's journey

So, yesterday we had a team meeting with the school, teacher, administrators, district autism consultant, his school coordinator. We had him, Kenji, enrolled in a diploma track and hoped it would work but we knew him and knew his limitations. Thought we would at least give it a quarter. Well it has not been going well. The work was stepped up from what he was used to in middle school and elementary school (as it should); the added external stimuli and expected social norms; he has completely fallen apart. We suspected it would be too much. He had 22 incidences of aggression (outward but mostly trying to hurt himself) in the last month alone. I just want to cry. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I wish want to cry. I want to cry. Even though we knew this day would come it still feels like we failed our son. We said nothing to each other (wife and I) last night. He is going to a certificate track starting second quarter. Though I know it is more appropriate for him, I know what it also means for his long-term future. He will be safer there, he will still be given some academics, but the major focus is on eventually job training (low level work). My heart breaks when I think how much hope I had for this precious life. I still remember on occasions when I would rock him back to sleep at 2 am and sing to him. Talking and whispering to him, telling him how much I loved him. How much I wanted the best for him. My heart breaks.
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post #39 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Kenji's journey

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Have you guys seen the documentaries on medical marijuana for autism? Seems interesting but I'm still on the fence.
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I have read mixed reviews on the positive effects.
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post #40 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:17 PM Thread Starter
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Re: Kenji's journey

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drerio, perhaps there are supplements that may calm Kenji. GABA is one possibility, but there are others that are available OTC.

I know you were interested in possibly setting up a dorm like housing setup in the future for young adults on the spectrum. I thought of you when I read the following article. Hope you find it as interesting as I did.

Faison complex to house young adults with autism - Richmond Times-Dispatch: Health
Thank you for the link

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post #41 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:43 PM
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Re: Kenji's journey

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So, yesterday we had a team meeting with the school, teacher, administrators, district autism consultant, his school coordinator. We had him, Kenji, enrolled in a diploma track and hoped it would work but we knew him and knew his limitations. Thought we would at least give it a quarter. Well it has not been going well. The work was stepped up from what he was used to in middle school and elementary school (as it should); the added external stimuli and expected social norms; he has completely fallen apart. We suspected it would be too much. He had 22 incidences of aggression (outward but mostly trying to hurt himself) in the last month alone. I just want to cry. I feel like such a failure as a parent. I wish want to cry. I want to cry. Even though we knew this day would come it still feels like we failed our son. We said nothing to each other (wife and I) last night. He is going to a certificate track starting second quarter. Though I know it is more appropriate for him, I know what it also means for his long-term future. He will be safer there, he will still be given some academics, but the major focus is on eventually job training (low level work). My heart breaks when I think how much hope I had for this precious life. I still remember on occasions when I would rock him back to sleep at 2 am and sing to him. Talking and whispering to him, telling him how much I loved him. How much I wanted the best for him. My heart breaks.
I'm sorry Drerio, my heart goes out to you and your wife. But you know you haven't failed Kenji, you have done your very best for him every step of the way, and you will continue to do so and to love and support him.

* shakes head and wonders why anyone would leave a job involving giving hand jobs to fish *
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post #42 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:44 PM
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Re: Kenji's journey

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I am so depressed. I failed my son. I am a horrible father. I hate myself for not being able to find a way to provide him with the tools to survive.
You know this isn't true, drerio! Keiko and Kenji know it, too!

I can't imagine how painful this is for all of you! *HUGS* Are you using the tools that your counselor has given you to COPE with the negative thought patterns?
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post #43 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:57 PM
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Re: Kenji's journey

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I still remember on occasions when I would rock him back to sleep at 2 am and sing to him. Talking and whispering to him, telling him how much I loved him. How much I wanted the best for him. My heart breaks.
And you STILL love him THAT MUCH. And you'd rock him and sing to him if he wanted that. He's a different boy now, a different young man. But you're still the SAME LOVING FATHER (who learned it all from scratch, no less!!!!!) who appreciates him, encourages him, works out with him, teaches him.

The DREAM may die, but the hope goes on, drerio! There is a life for Kenji out there...it's NOT the one you envisioned, but it may be JUST AS GREAT in its own way! It's just too soon to tell!

Kenji will HAVE TO make his own life with the support of you and his mother and, YES, he will have LOTS OF TRIALS. But, that is true of EVERY child. Even those children whose parents can offer them the moon & the stars, are not necessarily better off...not if their parents don't love them and help them. You and Keiko have Kenji WELL-COVERED on that score!

You can't control his life to be what you want, but you CAN help him control it as much as he can. There are limits to what ANY of us parents can do for our children!

I'm sorry you guys are all hurting! Know that you're IN OUR HEARTS and we support you and Keiko 100% if you need someone to talk to, share with, vent to!

~SGW and ALL YOUR FRIENDS at TAM!
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post #44 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 01:59 PM Thread Starter
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Kenji's journey

Thank you SGW and Rose. I appreciate it very much

Malama pono
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post #45 of 241 (permalink) Old 10-01-2013, 08:20 PM
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Re: Kenji's journey

I'm sorry for what you're going through, Drerio. I've been going through something of my own with one of my kids. I know what it's like to feel like a failure as a parent. Yet, I still have to believe that God gave US these particular children because it was best for THEM - - maybe not the best for us. Try to imagine how their lives could have been if they'd been given to parents who were not so loving and understanding.
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