I still remember on occasions when I would rock him back to sleep at 2 am and sing to him. Talking and whispering to him, telling him how much I loved him. How much I wanted the best for him. My heart breaks.
And you STILL love him THAT MUCH. And you'd rock him and sing to him if he wanted that. He's a different boy now, a different young man. But you're still the SAME LOVING FATHER (who learned it all from scratch, no less!!!!!) who appreciates him, encourages him, works out with him, teaches him.
The DREAM may die, but the hope goes on, drerio! There is a life for Kenji out there...it's NOT the one you envisioned, but it may be JUST AS GREAT in its own way! It's just too soon to tell!
Kenji will HAVE TO make his own life with the support of you and his mother and, YES, he will have LOTS OF TRIALS. But, that is true of EVERY child. Even those children whose parents can offer them the moon & the stars, are not necessarily better off...not if their parents don't love them and help them. You and Keiko have Kenji WELL-COVERED on that score!
You can't control his life to be what you want, but you CAN help him control it as much as he can. There are limits to what ANY of us parents can do for our children!
I'm sorry you guys are all hurting! Know that you're IN OUR HEARTS and we support you and Keiko 100% if you need someone to talk to, share with, vent to!
~SGW and ALL YOUR FRIENDS at TAM!