Re: Kenji's journey
Drerio, I usually have next to nothing to contribute when it comes to talking about parenting and children, however the situation that you describe with your boys is very similar to the situation with my "nephews". They are the sons of a dear friend and I've known them most of their lives, so they're part of my family of choice, if not birth.
At any rate....the elder of the two was born with Down's syndrome. Similarly to kids with autism, it's been trial and error seeing how far his intellectual development and functional intelligence will advance. As it turns out, at 26 he has a functional age I'd say somewhere between 10 and 12 in most areas. His younger brother is now 24 and married. The younger brother has always known that his brother will need help and care throughout his life. He really just accepts it as the way things are. He's never known a time when his brother didn't have special needs, so it's just the family dynamic. For the most part, any resentment that he has is along the lines of resenting homework on a sunny day--sure his brother's needs may get in the way of things he'd rather do from time to time, but it's a pretty fleeting feeling.
Over the last year or so he's had to do a lot more helping with his brother's care since their mother moved out of state and even so, he's incredibly accepting of the responsibility. Granted, these are both amazing boys (in my completely objective opinion, of course!), but I am willing to bet that your home is just as loving and accepting of the facts of your lives. I think that's what makes the difference. No big fuss was ever made or mourned over, it was just the way things were. I bet your boys will be just as accepting and adjusted to the dynamic too!