[coldnightstar]

We have been together for 2 years now. In that 2 years we have been through a lot and made it through. When he first met my kids he was great with them and their relationship has been slowly getting worse. He just sits in the bedroom and place Xbox until they go to bed. Or he'll sleep till 3, sometimes later. The only time he talks to them is when they say something to him or to tell them what they are doing wrong. I don't want him to be there dad but I want him to care.

It has just been one ting after another, he was barking at me all the time and telling me how to do things but that has gotten better. Am I being to picky?

Do I talk to him about it and give another chance, or is this the straw that broke the camel's back?

[artieb]

Tell him you're not comfortable with how he is around the children. See what he says.

[turnera]

Why would you even want to marry someone who spends no time with you, and criticizes you and your kids?

[RatherSharp]

Does he have children of his own? Probably not. He sounds like me when my finace's son used to come around. A single person with no children enjoy a lot of comforts that don't include kids crying, running around, breaking things, etc. In the begining it's like: I love this person and I love kids so that shouldn't be an issue ( not knowing that you haven't been around kids much and don't know HOW you would handle the situation). And at first it's great but being exposed to it and having it cramp a single, childless person lifestyle, the dread starts to set in. Luckily my fiance has a babymomma whose petty and as soon as she found out him and I moved in together she doesn't want thier son at my house so I'm grateful not to have this issue. Hope I helped.

[secondamoglie]

Originally Posted by rathersharp

does he have children of his own? Probably not. He sounds like me when my finace's son used to come around. A single person with no children enjoy a lot of comforts that don't include kids crying, running around, breaking things, etc. In the begining it's like: I love this person and i love kids so that shouldn't be an issue ( not knowing that you haven't been around kids much and don't know how you would handle the situation). And at first it's great but being exposed to it and having it cramp a single, childless person lifestyle, the dread starts to set in. Luckily my fiance has a babymomma whose petty and as soon as she found out him and i moved in together she doesn't want thier son at my house so i'm grateful not to have this issue. Hope i helped.

gosh lucky you the ex of mine she is pushy she nags even we dont get them often god!if she didnt like she should not divorce b****

[greeneyeddolphin]

You need to talk to him and find out how he really feels about them. I know my boyfriend sometimes seems to do the same thing, but he loves and adores my kids. It's simply that having no kids of his own, he's not sure exactly how to handle things. I find it helps if I tryand to guide him a bit, try to teach him what things are a big deal and what aren't, and tell him exactly what I want him to do....you know, that I want him to discipline them or that I don't. Otherwise, he's just kind of blundering around in the dark, trying to figure out what to do and not sure if he's doing it right.

If, though, he doesn't like your kids, or kids in general, then you really need to rethink the relationship.

[PrivateTalk]

I don't think that he hates them, but he doesn't know what to do with them.

My husband had two kids from a prev marriage and is 10 years older than me, when we started dating he seemed to forget that I did not have children and lived the life of a single girl that was free to do anything I wanted, he actually moved in with me 1 month after we started dating then moved his 7 year old son in with us one month after that...lol at first I was like sure this is fun...haha then I was like ahahah what the hell did I just do I went from no kids to one kid full time????? it was pure hell. Me and my now husband talked it out and we decided that we had to slow it down that yes I accept the fact he has children from his prev life, but that I'm not ready to be a mom or half mom to a 3 and 7 year old it was just too much.

We slowed down and it got a better, now we have a daughter together and another on the way, his other children are great at being siblings and love my little girl so much, I care deeply for them as well but to tell the truth I have still found it difficult to completely love them.(no haters let me explain)

I have heard alot of people say that the step parent souldn't complain about hurt feelings just because they are the adult and the kids are just being kids but for example: you can not honestly tell yourself that you will not be hurt when you help your step daughter make something and have her tell you from start to finish that she's making it for you, only to have her finish then look you in the face and say you know I'm going to give this to my mom instead, but its okay because you saw me make it though.... I know that kinda sounds lame but multiply that by 3 years now and her doing it everytime we make or do a project together, I know that she doesn't mean to hurt my feelings but after so many times you kind of shut them off so that you no longer care if they do something for you or not.... I hope that kind of makes sense and shows how I kind of had to halt my heart at a certain point or I would have fallen into depression, your fiance may be just trying to protect himself, please don't kid yourself being a step parent is not a fun job in the least you get all of the grief and none of the reward, but as long as you and your partner keep your communication open it will get better but honestly communication is key with this.

remember he may never be able to love them till far in the future but he will grow to like them very much, and that is a good thing