Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties
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Old 07-07-2010, 10:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

Separated - wife has some disability (and other) issues.

My 10 year old daughter REALLY wants a sleepover / slumber party for her birthday in 2 weeks (may do the party in 3 weeks).

Is there any way in HELL for a basically "single" Dad to convince 3 or 4 other Moms - most of whom I don't know - to let their 10-11 year old girls stay overnight if I'm possibly the only adult there?

I know from my perspective, I would have major reservations letting my daughter spend the night with a few other girls with no "Mom" or other adult female around. Yes - I am still afraid of my 10 year old daughter getting caught in bad situations with grown men that I don't know.

Any ideas here? Am I just being paranoid? Will other parents think its no big deal?

Thanks!
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Old 07-07-2010, 11:22 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

It depends, like you I wouldn't do it unless I really knew the father and his daughter, I also wouldn't expect a mother who doesn't know me to just let her daughter stay, but my 10 and 11 yr olders have lots of friends, I know most of the parents from school functions, not too many single dads for slumbers though, if you keep it to 3 or 4 of her closest friends and whos parents know you then that's cool, but you should probably let your daughter know that if she really wants a slumber, it'd be best with mom if that's even possible.
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Old 07-07-2010, 12:12 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

Another option would be to ask one of the other girl's parents to come and stay with you during the party, if you happen to be close to any of them. I imagine if you do this a few times, the other parents will become trusting enough to possibly eliminate that.

With the other parents there, let the girls sleep outside in a tent so not to cramp their style so to say. Or perhaps the adults can have a bonfire and hang outside if the weather is nice enough until the girls go to sleep. I have actually had most of my daughter's friend's dads come over during a sleep over. We sat outside on the gazeebo with a fire and had a few beers while the girls played xbox.
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Old 07-07-2010, 12:21 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

Valid concern. I would explain the situation to one of my daughters friends mothers and see if she would host at her house or chaperone at yours.

Me personally - I would never host a girls sleepover without my W present. This has nothing to do with you NG or with me. Just perception.



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Originally Posted by nice777guy View Post
Separated - wife has some disability (and other) issues.

My 10 year old daughter REALLY wants a sleepover / slumber party for her birthday in 2 weeks (may do the party in 3 weeks).

Is there any way in HELL for a basically "single" Dad to convince 3 or 4 other Moms - most of whom I don't know - to let their 10-11 year old girls stay overnight if I'm possibly the only adult there?

I know from my perspective, I would have major reservations letting my daughter spend the night with a few other girls with no "Mom" or other adult female around. Yes - I am still afraid of my 10 year old daughter getting caught in bad situations with grown men that I don't know.

Any ideas here? Am I just being paranoid? Will other parents think its no big deal?

Thanks!
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Old 07-07-2010, 12:28 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

I know "some" of the Mom's at school through Girl Scouts, but several of my daughter's friends aren't in scouts. Maybe next year I'll join the PTA.

There is one Mom who would probably stay if I asked as a favor, but I'm not sure how I would feel about that - or how her husband would feel either. Had thought about it though.

Also considering asking my Mother-in-law - or waiting to see if my daughter my asks "Gramma" on her own.

Also - no bonfires as we are within the city limits...but thanks for the great ideas.
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Old 07-07-2010, 01:16 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

I do a lot of volunteering at my parish/school and because I work with the kids I was required to take mandatory Safe Environment Training for certification. One of the golden rules is to never let yourself be caught in a position that could be misconstrued or exploited. I would highly recommend you find an adult female to join you as a chaperon for the night. Would your estranged wife be willing to share the evening with your daughter?
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Old 07-07-2010, 01:38 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

Amp - very good idea. I know they mentioned this during a couple of the scout meetings. I never did any "official" volunteering - could help a bit in the future.

I don't know WHAT my wife is thinking or planning right now. I'm not sure who is more frustrated - my 10 year old or me. She would ideally be the one to handle this sort of request. Seems like a reasonable thing to ask.

If she doesn't get off her ass and figure something out soon, then I'll take care of it.
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Old 07-07-2010, 02:27 PM   #8 (permalink)
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After reading 'Mems' statement, it can be risky from a perceived point of view, it only takes one little misconception to do real harm to a father.
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Old 07-07-2010, 03:14 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

I know - I totally get that.

Trying to walk that line already between really not wanting this to affect my daughter's b-day, but I also don't want to start looking like one of those parents who start giving their kids everything they want to "make up for it."

But this is a sleepover - not a PS3 or some other expensive toy.

When this mess first started, my 7 year old would come and get in bed with me sometimes - often in the middle of the night while I was asleep - and I felt bad about everything so I'd just leave her there. But now the rule is "no sleeping in daddy's bed."
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Old 07-07-2010, 03:40 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

My daughters sleep in the same bed with me often, well actually they fall asleep before I move them, and I will let them until they decide not to, but that's just me, and I have had a slumber for my daughter but it was only 2 of their friends and only because I know their parents really well, I also coach a girls youth team and my wife STILL (of all people) tells me to watch it, watch what I don't know, but I guess it's just a part of having to be both parents as a single parent.
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Old 07-07-2010, 04:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

NiceGuy~

Rather than asking one of your D's friends mom's to stay over or a neighbor lady, do you have a sister, sister-in-law, aunt, gramma or niece who can do it?

For example: IT'S A SLEEPOVER!! Come join <daughter> and her gramma as they host a Beauty and Beast sleepover.

Then add the five w's and it's all set
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Old 07-07-2010, 04:34 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

My MIL is an option. She's been very supportive and is very concerned about how all of this mess is affecting our girls.
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Old 07-07-2010, 04:52 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

Perfect! It gives your daughter the party she'd like to have, and reinforces for your MIL that you will not keep her grandkids away from her.

Hey! MIL's daughter may be acting nutty right now, but keep gramma involved. I LIKE that idea!
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Old 07-08-2010, 08:31 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

MIL has kids tonight - guessing she's hearing a LOT about how Mom doesn't care about my daughter's birthday.

Wife is sick - genuinely - but going to press for an answer before the end of the weekend. If nothing, I'll do what I have to do.

Told the marriage therapist I didn't want our "mess" affecting the kids bdays and she pointed out that it already is. All I can do is try to do MY best - and I will.
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Old 07-11-2010, 01:15 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Single Dads, Young Girls and Slumber Parties

How sad it is that such prejudice exists again men, and fathers at this time.
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