[saskitegirl]

Hello,

I need help and the ignore your family is not working or helping.

I have been with my partner for 4 years. I do love him and I have been cruel to him. When we were first together he realized my love for my family and went so far as to sell my brother his truck for a fraction of the price - my brother never paid causing my fiance to become upset but forgiving. Then we wanted to move in together, my mother talked us out of it stating we would all live and move together, my fiance agreed - we packed up my parents house twice and twice the deal fell through. Finally we moved in together in another city and chaos erupted. My mother would not leave us alone - though she left my brother alone who moved in with his girlfriend in an all together different city. She moved in essentially on the first day we were in our new house and since then my mother and I argue daily. It got so bad I moved back home with my parents who now moved to the same city as my brother and my partner moved to another one. My mother claims my partner abused her an me physically (whenever did) though he did yell a few times, he did drive erratically one day as well. I have confronted him on all of these things. She claims that he is evil and bad for me, bringing me down. He does not.

See I don't even know where to begin, I am crying as I type because it has just gotten worse and worse. I have thrown my partner out of the house 7 times and now this week I have done it again because my mother claimed he did nothing on our visit around the house - he cannot as he has had major knee surgery but he tried. My mother does not allow me to touch him or sit with him, when she does she yells that I am being used. We have not had sex in two years because somehow she knows and yells. He bought me a beautiful engagement ring, a car and many other things and mother claims he is buying me like a prostitute. On the other hand, I am the one who has to care for my mother, I ensure bills are paid, that they are cared for even though they are in their in their 50's. I grew up being the oldest child and being the one who was not supposed to marry and stay with my parents - but I cannot it is unfair that my brother can have a life and I cannot. Please help. I am 30 and this is not fair.

[Mom6547]

I wonder why this guy sticks around. Is he a total wuss? You need to decide what you want to be. Do you want to be a child who hops when Mom says hop? Or do you want to be a grown woman who makes decisions?

But first you need to let this poor guy go find someone else.

[turnera]

Why on earth are you still that attached to your parents? Good grief!

You need to get therapy to learn how to detach from your severely dysfunctional family.

And let the guy go and find a healthy woman/family.

[Bluemoon7]

I agree you need counseling so you can see how incredibly dysfunctional and toxic this relationship with your mother is and to get the strength to cut the cord. It will take a LOT, but it will be SO worth it.

You get one life and you're already 30. Are you going to continue with this life, or are you going to do something to change it?

The guy sounds like a saint to put up with your crazy mother for so long. Don't make him continue. It needs to be your battle.