I feel so guilty. I feel so selfish. I just can't be perfect, though.
I can't be the only mom here with these feelings. How do you reconcile devotion to your mate, your kids, and the reality that you are a person in your own right and that is just not going to go away no matter how much you think you should honor your spouse and your children?
We've already established you are primarily a Melancholy jld... you know what this means...you are a sensitive Perfectionist...you want to live up to certain ideals... but you simply can't be ALL THINGS to ALL PEOPLE all of the time...you care about everyone around you.. and this makes you happy to do your part....the devoted wife, the devoted MOM....but you can't be pulled every which way..
You didn't mention the kids crying for you.. or them feeling you are leaving them behind... in this way...they are likely FINE... rest in this .
So ...GO... enjoy this day - this after 6 pm time with your husband... and he is right... during the day- you have the net to keep you company.... it will go like a shot with keyboarding away here....
Now I am not so sure TAM should be filling all of your social needs outside of husband & kids though, you mentioned a new Study/ prayer group you can join this month....sounds good.. to get you out of the house, make a few friends you see in the flesh.
Me personally... here is my way of juggling kids, Life, family... maybe this is born out of being an only child... when I was a kid, I could care less about playing with my parents..B O R I N G
.. I wanted MY FRIENDS !! ..... so my Mom used to take me & a friend swimming, spending nights...stuff like that.. we did stuff too...nice memories..
But I seem to have the same sort of attitude....with our 6 kids.. I am more inclined to give them the atmosphere to ENJOY their lives, friends over all the time..Grand central station at our house... some weekends, 4 extra boys might be sleeping over...I take them places , I love seeing their smiling faces... I take many pictures for memories.. I don't feel guilty if I am not hands on with my children all the time (heck even 1/4 of the time).. because I can see they are Happy... it helps they play with one another too...sure they fight .. but it's mostly good.....we talk every day... we have family outings, very enjoyable.. family vacations... We play games with them, watch movies..
I could never home school though, Oh my ! Bless your soul !
For too long I put those babies before my husband....I was unbalanced even..... I remember at one time going out to eat with just HIm...and thinking to myself... "OMG, what do we even talk about if not the kids?".. I should have have my head shaked.. was that not a wake up call !@#$%
So now my attitude is...he comes 1st... they will all fly the nest someday, starting their own lives..... and it will be just me & him again.. I can't allow HIM to be on the back burner...never again.
Back to you....I would take that time with your husband... fill it during the day - with whatever floats your boat...call a friend, plan a family vacation (something I was doing earlier, gathering ideas for this year)...do you need to buy something on Ebay , look up some new recipes ... hang here for awhile ....
But not feel guilty over leaving your kids behind for a couple days.... you need more time with your Man.. if you have someone trustworthy to watch them (this part is HUGE by the way)... then please take no guilt.. Now I could see if one of them was sick right now... they needed you... or something at home was more urgent.. we always have to weigh the pros & cons..
Hope you have a great day !